Finally

I'm not sure where my prayer journal from one year ago is (and I probably didn't write much for a while after February 17), but I know that when I wrote 2/1/06 at the top of the page, my joy was over the top. I had finally made it to the month when Jackson would be born. When we realized we were pregnant it was late June. There was no hint of cool weather, bare trees, a big tummy, or baby blue walls. All of those things seemed so far away, much too far to ever really be here. I was sore and swollen, nauseous, hot, eager to buy my first maternity clothes, and really hoping I would be one of the cute ones. And then February came. I love February - red and pink everywhere, thoughts of the one you love, heart-shaped chocolates, wearing sweaters and sometimes mittens. Now February would forever be made the sweetest of all. This February my heart belongs to two boys. One the original and the other his miniature. I am a blessed girl.

Today I called Jackson's doctor in desperation. His diapers have not been wet enough. He's too stuffy and too distracted to nurse. It's just not happening. I begged her to let me start him on whole milk two weeks early. The first answer was no. Then I recounted my whole sad story about how I've been waiting since early December and he won't take formula and he bites me and I need a rest already! Finally, a yes. Now I have a gallon of whole milk in the fridge and a new blue sippy cup to get started. And what did I do after I walked in the door with those things? I nursed him.

Curt said, "I thought you were done."

"Yeah, but it's a process," I replied with a lump in my throat, clutching my baby.

With a deep breath and a half-eager, half-sad heart, I'll give him his first cup of milk at dinner. We'll see how it goes! Pray that he likes it!

(I'm back after changing a dirty diaper. You might be amused to know that I started to button the snaps on his onesie before I put on the diaper. That would have been exciting!)