Sunday, April 25, 2010

Missing Normal

My wonderful in-laws left this morning to go home to Missouri. They were such a big help and I don't know what we would have done without them. Cozy kept us up on our laundry (which was a lot because of Jackson's stomach virus) and Steve was a great roughhousing partner for my boy who really craves that. They also ran lots of errands and did stuff like get new light bulbs for pretty much every room in our house.

Curtis still can't do much, so I am really "on" for the next week or so. It's hitting me that I won't even be able to leave the kids with him while I run to the store. We have a check-up tomorrow so I guess we'll get a better idea of when Curtis will get back to normal. I don't sound impatient, do I?

I'm praising God that no one else came down with Jackson's stomach virus. Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon! *Pause* Scratch that. My mother-in-law literally just called me to say that she has the bug now - on their 12 hour drive home. *Sigh* I feel terrible for her.

I'm very emotional this morning. I feel scared that Curtis will never be the same. (Although I know that's not true.) I feel tired of everything being abnormal. I feel desperate for God to heal everyone. I feel like I need to have a good, big cry. I think I'll go do that right now.

PS - I'm coming back to add that this morning when Nana and Pappaw were leaving, Jackson told them not to take Annabeth with them. So funny!

53 comments:

O Mom said...

Just cry and let it all out. You definately deserve it.
Praying everything gets back to normal ASAP!!!!

Kim said...

Oh you sweet thing. Life will return to normal - promise. Maybe this will help - we were visiting our 2-day old grandson at the hospital when the stomach flu hit me without any warning. Yep - the new Nana was throwing up right in the sterilized hospital. My daughter and son--in-law quickly grabbed the baby and ran to the hallway, as my husband watched in disbelief.

Life got better three days later - and they have not forbidden me from seeing the baby :)

Praying that God blesses you in the most unusual way during this time.

Kim

Shalom Retreats said...

Oh sweet Amanda, I wish I lived near you and could come help you this week. I truly will pray that God will surprise you with His personal love for you and strengthen your heart (and your body). You are doing such a great job!!! Definitely good to cry! I'm listening to Phillips, Craig & Dean "Lord Let Your Glory Fall" and praying that over your home right now!!!!

The Barfuss Family said...

You deserve a good cry girl. Do you need a ding dong cake to go with it?

Zak said...

Sometimes a good cry is the best medicine. It's always funny to realize how much you rely on your husband, especially when they aren't around (business trip, sick, etc) to support you. Praying for Curtis's swift recovery and peace for you in the meantime.

Tara G. said...

Bless your heart, I hope that cry relieved some tension and pent-up emotion! And I hope you get a hug from your mom!

Love Being a Nonny said...

NORMAL is such a wonderful thing isn't it?? It's almost normal again...hold on a little longer. So sorry to hear your mother-in-law got it on the way home! That is some vicious stuff!!!

KR said...

Cry, cry, cry. I've found that I do well in the midst of the acute crisis...then have to let it all out after. You've poured out so much energy taking care of your family and doing the next right thing...God will bless your dedication. Keeping you all in my prayers..especially Cosy.

Lophen Keene said...

Oh girl.....that is just wrong. I hope your home gets a break soon!
If not, I recommend the rasberry double chocolate chip ice cream (Private Selection brand) from Krogers....somehow it just helps. :)

Heather said...

Praying for "normal" to return soon and for God to be close until then!!!

Erin said...

Amanda,
I am praying for you. Life is just hard! Thank God that we have Him to run to! :)

Lauren said...

I know how you feel! I felt like I really needed help for about a week and a half after everyone left me after my C-section, and it was actually pretty tough to be on my own. Those are recent memories for me, so I definitely relate to your life right now! I will pray for your stamina and patience and that the Lord is your strength.

Katie said...

I do hope you got your cry. They make things so much easier to accept afterwards, well accept you can't breath out your nose for a while, but the funny way you talk with that stuffed nose, well it makes me laugh a little.

We're prayin' her for all ya'll.

Katie said...

I have been praying for y'all this weekend. And your poor MIL! I have totally been there...as in, totally been on a car trip with a GI bug...sooooooooooooo not pretty. That was torture! (For everyone involved, I'm sure..eeek!) Take care, and I hope y'all's normal comes quickly. :o)

Carrie Beth said...

Amanda,
Bless your heart! If this is any consolation at all, you are persevering wonderfully in my book! Just a short while ago I remember you saying you felt that prayers had guided you out of a dark time and you finally felt "normal" again. That yucky ol' devil doesn't want you to persevere so he attacks you and yours right when you think you are riding pretty!
Remember HIS promise - "Cast all your cares on HIM for he cares for you"! Jesus hears your cries, he knows your exhaustion and your worries and he TRULY cares for you! Cling to that as you make through this next week. Know that there are sisters in Christ literally everywhere praying for you!

Sister Lynn said...

Pour out your heart to God.
He is a refuge for us!

Praying with you and for you that things will soon slip beck into the "regular" craziness.

Blessings dear one.

Sister Lynn

CAROL LIVIN FOR GOD said...

Go ahead and cry Amanda you have been thru alot this pass week and even when you got home and Jackson got sick.
Praying that your life will turn back to normal soon.
Love you
take care
Carol

Fran said...

Dear Amanda,
What a time you have been going through, and still are. You are just the dearest wife, Mom, daughter, and inspiration to all. My heart and prayers are with you and your family as you nurture Curtis back to health. I pray that the bug passes you by!
I know you will be glad when your Mom is back and is just the 15 minutes away she told us separates you two in Houston! She did such a wonderful, wonderful job of nurturing 300,000 women (myself included) this weekend, but I know she will be so happy to get back to her first-born!

God bless you all,
Fran

Melissa Sue said...

Oh, Amanda! I'll pray that the rest of your family stays healthy and that Curtis heals completely and quickly.

And don't stop yourself from crying it out. We've been doing that all week because my mother-in-law passed away on Monday night. It's definitely helping. Just let it out.

Toknowhim said...

I felt like that not so long ago... we just moved into our new house and my little one ended up in the hospital... Soon after I knew everyhing was going to be ok with my youngest, I started to decompress...I felt on the edge of crying at the drop of a hat...

Loved ones were praying for me, and I prayed for myself...life did return to normal or at least some kind of normal not to long after... You have been through a lot, and it may just take a little time for things to settle, but I know you have a lot of people in your life that will be there for you too...

Blessings and hoping for a speedy recovery for your husband...

Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous! said...

I can't pretend like I know what it is like to go through this with a spouse and children, so I'm sure I don't "get" how tough it is. But I can imagine, and that alone makes me want to have that cry for you myself.

It's so interesting that God has had you in a place of literal caregiving in the last few months, first to your mom and now to Curtis. Has He taught you anything during those times that has helped you be an even better caregiver? I'd be really interested to know.

ThirtysomethingMom said...

You are just precious. I am so sorry that you have had such a week! I pray that you can feel God's great big arms around you right now!

You hang in there! God's going to get you through this. As my Grandmother tells me..."This too shall pass." It usually doesn't make me feel any better when she says it, but so far she has been right.

With much love and prayers,
Mary

Mary Lindsey said...

Go have a good cry, Amanda.... they help sooo much! :-) Well, once time has been spent with Jesus they help so much! :-) So, you know someone out there relates... I have a 2 year old & triplets. We hadn't left the house all together as an entire family until last week at church. I still can't leave the house b/c we don't have a vehicle that fits all of us. But, I will tell you that when I am depleted (and I call on God.. if I don't do the calling, not much happens), but when I do call on Him, He delivers me everyday & gives me the strength I need to carry through. I have had help along the way (who could stay trapped in a house for 9 months?!?), but I have also done a lot of it on my own.

Praying for health for you all!!! And, am praying for a quick recovery for you MIL. You are an encouragement to me!!! Love that you are sooo real.

He WILL give you strength this week! You can do it!
Mary Lindsey

Marla Taviano said...

Praying for you, friend, and feel like crying for you too. I just know God has crazy-amazing blessings waiting for you at the end of all this. Praying for strength to make it through to see them! Love you!

Churchlady said...

Bless your heart. I have been there myself. Just trying to get back to normal. It never seems like it never happens fast enough. You just go ahead and have your cry and take it to the Lord. He will be there ready to comfort you. I'll pray for you and your family.
I was glad to see that everything went well at the simalcast. I was not able to go. I was praying about the weather. We had a rough day yesterday in Tennessee.

colorado girl said...

I can only imagine how worn down you must feel. I definitely recommend the good cry. You actually release chemicals/toxins when your lacrimal glands produce tears from strong emotions, so that you feel better when you are done. Pretty cool, eh? (we homeschool and my 7th grade son & I just learned that.)

With that little biological tidbit out of the way, I just wanted to tell you that I'm continuing to pray for God to heal Curtis completely and to tend your sweet soul and refresh you. I am about a decade older that you and I don't know you in person, but I have learned SO MUCH from you, Amanda. You are an inspiration to me in many ways.

Blessings to you today!

Christy

Darlene R. said...

Hi Amanda, I know what you mean with the whole back to normal thing. My husband had surgery a week ago Friday, and I am also wondering if he will ever be the same! The healing process can be slow! I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Heather said...

Girl, I am missing normal for you. Hoping it returns quickly, and it will!! Hang in there!! Praying for y'all!!

Lindsey said...

I so totally know how you feel!! My husband was gone all last week on a business trip to CA. (We live in FL) While he was gone, my 17 mo. old came down with Fifth's Disease! So I had to deal with the crabbiest child, a 4 yr-old, and my pregnant, emotional self without any help!! I was only able to go to the first half of your mom's simulcast (which I had been excited about since November!) So it was probably the worst week of my life!! However, God totally pulled me through and I am stronger for it!! You can do it!

Holly said...

OK, Amanda, I completely understand you here. And you are right, he may not be the same. He will still in every way be the godly, strong man you fell in love with, but nearly dying can change a man. And it can sweeten your relationship--cause you to overlook the things that nag at you and cause you to laugh at the most inappropriate times just because your are fully alive and together. So it is a good change.

I just spoke with my 6 1/2 year old, who came through to say hello. Six years ago was a long exhale for me--I had been holding my breath over and over. I still had my Chris, and what I feared did not happen. But it took awhile to live in it.

I better go run and hug my Chris again, just because I can.

LOVE YOU, Amanda! So very, very thankful for God's hand on your family.

Kevin said...

I completely understand where you are and pray that you will feel God's presence and depend on Him in the abnormal!
Much love,
Crissy, Nashville, TN

Kiki said...

Oh Amanda.

I'll be bringing you a meal sometime. Levi woke up with a fever this morning, so I'll wait until he gets better so I don't bring anything else to your house. Or maybe, I'll just order you some pizza!

I'll call, email or text tomorrow.

Mommy Dot Com said...

This is a time you're going to look back and be amazed you got through all this so well. You're doing good. Remember that.

Living day by day for Jesus said...

Ohhh Amanda! There IS a light at the end of the tunnel! I will pray for you and your family tonight...

God bless!

Bobbie said...

So sorry Cozy got sick on the way home! Bless her heart, but I bet she wouldn't change the last few days even if she could!

Life will return to normal for all of you--but in His time! Your Mom has convinced me of that..that's for sure. I'm praying the Dr. will give Curtis good news, I'm sure he's really ready to get back to normal. But go ahead and have a good cry, even an ugly cry, you'll feel better. You've had a rough week or so...

Discipled Pilgrim said...

Tears can soothe the soul. Praying for you all. Remember Philippians 4:8:
Finally brethren whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; if any thing is excellent or praiseworthy think on these things. NIV

Jackson's comment to his grandparents is priceless! I can just see him doing it in my mind.

Kathy Cubley said...

The wonderful thing about this life that we live is that each day does pass....the next may not shine much, but it passes as well...and soon you are in a better few days! Been in your shoes with my own four now grown children and I'm telling you with authority that the worst of our overwhelming days slipped away as well! I often joked of hanging a black wreath on our door...when at the time it was less joke and more truth! You are strong in the Lord!! You are a mom and there is no mightier creature on earth! You can do ten thousand things at once while you throw-up if you must....and prayerfully you WILL NOT! Hang in there! Normal and everyday is just around the corner! Curtis will be better soon. He's been through alot but he will be strong again. Don't over think too much about how you feel right now because you are behind that "black wreath" but it will come down in a few days! When it does, put a brand new "Hobby Lobby creation" up in its place and smile everytime you see it! Praying God's Mercy on you!

Kelli said...

Praying for normal to come back to you soon. You have had a lot on your plate lately.

Jen said...

Hi Amanda,

I'm so glad your family is on the up and up :) Sorry to write this on your personal blog but the lproof blog still isn't working for me? I tried it in FF an IE and all that comes up is the lproof banner..everything below it is blank....sorry the switch has been such a hassle! You're doing a great job :)

Grumpy Pants said...

Praying for you girl! I cannot imagine how you feel, but I know (and you know) God is with you guys through this. He'll bring you through. And just go ahead and cry, I always feel better after I've had a little "breakdown."

The McClure Boys said...

Amanda, I'm praying for you so much. I pray your normal comes back soon. love you!

Casi said...

Oh Amanda, I am sooooo feeling for you right now as I know exactly how you feel. My husband had knee surgery more than 7 weeks ago and has been on bed rest since - and we still have 2-3 weeks to go. I only have one child and she's older so it's not exactly the same thing but I know how overwhelming it can be, my friend.

Have a good cry, girl, and just remember that it's ok to just "get by" for a while. Every couple of weeks I just have to sit down and get it all out...and then I can begin moving forward again. It's cathartic! :-)

Please know I'm praying for you and your family diligently. May the Lord reveal untold blessings during this difficult time.

annette said...

You're entitled to a good cry. You've been through a lot. You and your sweet family continue to be in my prayers. After my recent surgery, I still can't lift anything over 5 lbs. or I'd volunteer to watch the children while you got Curtis to the follow up appointment. Hope it all goes smoothly with each new day. Love, A

katiegfromtennessee said...

Hey Little Momma:)

I was praying for you all, it is good to hear an update:) Still praying you and Annabeth and Curtis don't get the bug for sure. I want to encourage you with some verses, they always encourage me when I am uncertain of the future or of getting through the day, amen!? Isaiah 41:10,13; 43:1-2; 46:4-5 Hope these bless you today:) That's good, beneficial, pour out those emotions to Him, and He will sustain you:)

Blessings, ((HUGS)), Love in HIM,

katiegfromtennessee

Renee Swope said...

Sweet Amanda. I am praying that the blessings of "normal" would return to you and yours. Last week I posted on your mom's blog that I was praying healing for Curt, peace for her and normal for you. Then I thought, "Normal doesn't sound very spiritual." I had to smile when I saw your post. There is such sacred sweetness in our normal, isn't there? Such certainty and knowing. Routine brings some comfort in the chaos. If I was there I'd come take your kids to the park so you could have some talk time with your man and a Sonic Slushy with your mom.

Hugs,
Renee

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

"Better" by Kirk Franklin. You should listen to it immediately. It's my go to song when I'm feeling just like you are right now.

His Jules said...

Praying for you and praying against that feeling of being overwhelmed that is coming against you. I pray that God will strengthen you and that as HE meets you where you are that you will see Him do wonders in the midst of this trial. Praying for Curtis' mom also. Have a blessed and resting in Jesus week Amanda!

Lindsee said...

I'm so sorry! If I were you, I would have already had a good cry, or ten. God has certainly trusted you as a caregiver lately so I'm praying that He provides you with the endurance, strength, and patience you need. Please, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you to give you a little amount of normal back. I'm so serious! Until then, I'll step my heart out for you. Love you, lady!

Tonya said...

I will definitely keep you guys in my prayers. My husband is just now getting over a 2-week bout with a kidney stone. Like you, I could not run to the store and leave him with the kids. If it hadn't been for my mom, I don't know what I would have done. I hope his recovery is speedy. Hang in there - "normal" will return soon and all this will be behind you!

Good Stewarts said...

I hope things get back to normal soon! Just remember, I'm here if you need anything!

Alison said...

You are so precious, and you definitely deserve a good cry! I cannot even imagine having my husband "out of comission" for so long! I know that has to be so hard. And the stomach virus is just not fun at all! Praying that no one else gets it and Curtis recovers in world record time! :)

annalee said...

what a rough time sweet amanda! i'm continuing to pray for curtis' healing and endurance for all of you.

NeverEnoughTime said...

I had a good long cry today after my check up for my hysterectomy didn't go as planned and that helped a bit.

You can let the small things go right now and no one will care. Don't be scared to ask your friend for help-when life returns to normal, you can repay by babysitting or running errands, but let them help!

Get as much rest as you can, you don't want to get worn down!!!

HUGS