tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post8161781325562759535..comments2024-02-02T23:18:20.621-05:00Comments on Baby Bangs: A Missing Season of MentoringAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16777762608528843328noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-9471261129582057252016-01-26T23:14:55.397-05:002016-01-26T23:14:55.397-05:00What a blessing to hear your thoughts....I am a mo...What a blessing to hear your thoughts....I am a mom of 8 on earth & 9 in heaven (miscarr.) & I am yearning for more! Actually, God has given us so many specific promises of 2 more! But 6 years ago, I fell deathly ill, & was finally diagnosed a yr ago w/Lyme disease. It has been very difficult to watch my child bearing yrs. going by w/out another precious baby in our arms! We haven't given up hope, but it has been much harder trusting at this point than all the earlier years! <br />May we be found faithful to HIS holy calling! Thx u 4 bringing this up...I so long to discuss this w/kindred spirits! : )<br />Jer 29:11Walt & Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08434837875710914613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-83082779442682684652015-04-10T15:36:26.314-04:002015-04-10T15:36:26.314-04:00I'm just now reading this post. I'm in my ...I'm just now reading this post. I'm in my 6th decade of life now, and I just wanted to say that every season in life requires a surrender from us to the will of God. The way I've learned how to truly surrender is to ask God to help me let go. I have a few prayers that God has said no to. Some are still on hold. So I wait. I love the verse that says "I wait on the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope." We don't know what's going to happen in the future. We don't know what is truly best for us. Only God knows. And we can trust Him. <br /><br />Letting go of heartache, disappointment, and despair by pouring out our hearts to the Lord, leaving all--every single bit of it--at His feet, clears the way for future joys and pleasures from the Lord Himself. The closer we walk with Him, focus on Him, lean and rely on Him, the easier it is to get through each season of life. <br />Isaiah 45:3 tells us He has secret treasures to share with us. I want to stay so in tune with His will that He shares those secret treasures with me. Those spiritual riches are what truly matter because they satisfy the soul and the hidden person of the heart in each believer. <br /><br />So let God Himself mentor you through each season. He is the only One who knows you through and through. :)<br /><br /> J Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16526137579663277133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-61352560856632954652014-12-23T20:55:58.612-05:002014-12-23T20:55:58.612-05:00In my case, I had my first two, then just didn'...In my case, I had my first two, then just didn't want to go through all the work again. But I thought, "in 20 years, if I stop now, will I wish I had had more?" I kind of knew the answer was "yes," and I was running away from it, afraid of having a third. I completely loved the two I had, I just thought three would be wasaaayyyyy too hard! But then in church one day, the message was about Mary's attitude toward being the pregnant unwed mother of Jesus, and she said "be it done to me as you say." And in my heart, I felt like the Lord was saying "Remember that motherhood is something I called you to. Don't shut the door on it until I do." At that point, I relaxed. I felt like the Lord wasn't necessarily telling me to have more, I felt like He just wanted me to trust Him with it. So I did. And it was another year or so when I got whacked hard with the desire to have another. But it was an overnight change of heart and mind! And then I couldn't get pregnant fast enough! I got instantly pregnant but miscarried, but then got pregnant instantly again, and my 2nd and 3rd child are 3 weeks and 3 days less than 3 years apart. When that third baby was 6 months old, I had a sense of instantly feeling like there was still one missing from my family! I remember the exact moment of pushing him in the swing; his adorable overalls, striped long sleeved t, his bright blue eyes. It was that instant! Then I had my fourth (took 6 months to get pregnant, since I was still nursing) and when that 4th was born, I simply KNEW I was done! Two boys, two girls, and for the next several months, I had a sense that the Lord was singing over me? Like He was pleased with me for bringing all the people into this world that He had intended for me to bring. Fast forward almost 4 years and my husband left me, and it was a nightmare and too long to write here, but it's on my blog in the post dated 9/11/14. The Lord actually used the situation to bring me a new husband (would have never remarried unless it was EXACTLY God directed!) and used that for my husband and I to recscue our 5th child. And then the Lord brought is one more! A "Redemption baby!" So at one point I was "done" after 2, and now I have 6, and each is amazing, and my heart sees how each one is such a gift to each other, and the youngest two are helping heal the older four and etc, etc. The only one I did not birth I am praying to adopt within this year, but the Lord will have to cause some breakthroughs to happen first. <br /> So I would tell all women wondering if she is find having babies to pray about it, seek the Lord and talk with and pray with your spouse! And pray that you two will be on the same page. And also that if you are questioning, then you might not actually be done! It might be time for another! But seek the Lord about it. I am 38 and now say "I THINK I'M done!" But the Lird has the right to change my plans. He's the Lord of my life. Sparkle Sugarplumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16540471421154546931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-49792123374365365372014-11-25T21:15:28.399-05:002014-11-25T21:15:28.399-05:00I'm curious if you have ever read Theology of ...I'm curious if you have ever read Theology of the Body? It is so packed with truth and goodness it could bring you the peace you are searching for in this area of life.Meghanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17548454099382879665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-15536393849316939032014-11-24T14:54:06.803-05:002014-11-24T14:54:06.803-05:00We have just decided that we are complete as a fam...We have just decided that we are complete as a family of 6. It was not easy for me at all. It was mostly my husband's opinion that we should be done (I was lucky to get baby #4 out of him), though I now see the benefits of moving past this season. I just don't see how I will ever not want to get pregnant again (I love being pregnant), deliver a baby again (I love having babies), and nurse a tiny baby again (I love breastfeeding). I'm currently still nursing #4 but she is an active toddler and already I see it disappearing in the near future. I'm perfectly happy not having more kids - kids are fun but we have enough of them. But I think I will always want more babies. Then I think how selfish I am, as some women never even get to have babies of their own or have devastating losses (I had 3 miscarriages as well). I am so blessed to have these 4 children. It's a sensitive topic to discuss with anyone, which is probably why it just isn't discussed. I really appreciated reading all these comments about it. Now I know I am not alone.rccalynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11277113279437358026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-5949411664849525372014-11-24T00:24:12.421-05:002014-11-24T00:24:12.421-05:00So good to read that I am not alone in this path. ...So good to read that I am not alone in this path. I am struggling with looking forward to what God has for us as in this new phase as we are done having babies and mourning the fact that I will never hold my own little baby in my arms again. It is such a weird place to be. I have never really heard anyone talk about how to deal with this and I think that we must all think we are the only ones that struggle through this phase so we keep it to ourselves. Thanks for sharing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17603042037297683340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-45745465009492716212014-11-23T22:16:25.824-05:002014-11-23T22:16:25.824-05:00I was a kid rock star before having my own! I th...I was a kid rock star before having my own! I thought I would have a house full of kids. Becoming a mom (after miss carrying our first) tripped the insecurity & perfection trigger in me like nothing else had. When our second born was 2 & I wanted another my husband didn't feel the same way. He Iwas & is (our girls are 18 & 16) an amazing hands on dad. I was crushed to realize he didn't want more children. I still struggle with feeling like if I wasn't so stressed as a mom he would have been willing to have more. It still has a sting of rejection to it when I think about it. When I turned 40 I clearly remember wondering if I would be a better (more relaxed, & able to just enjoy) if I had a baby then.. I hadn't thought about having a baby or yearned for it in years. It just pops up sometimes. I have always felt I just didn't have what it takes to have more than 2. It saddens me & feels like a failure. p.s. My daughters are amazing & God's grace has covered my shortcomings with them. Beyond grateful!Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04105234472604739347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-17434473261161394872014-11-20T10:25:50.735-05:002014-11-20T10:25:50.735-05:00Thank you for posting this. For putting words to ...Thank you for posting this. For putting words to something I'm experiencing but couldn't articulate myself. While I think I'm at peace with our family being complete it is a milestone that goes unnoticed. But a milestone that carries with it a grief and sadness for a season that is ending. A season of wonderful. A season of hope and anticipation and even a joyful unknown of what might be. Yet as you've said we enter this new season with no fanfare, no commencing and so somehow it just feels like a drifting into a new place. Whether we want that place or not, whether it was purposeful and of our choosing or not we just "end up" there with no ushering from others and no guidance on how to navigate it. I look forward to reading through the comments to hopefully glean some wisdom, insight or simply some comradery in this new journey.TLClarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06778757311774915570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-79813168422246297062014-11-15T23:19:56.839-05:002014-11-15T23:19:56.839-05:00I'm 34. My husband is almost 42. We have three...I'm 34. My husband is almost 42. We have three - almost 11, almost 8, and 4. I so want another baby. I loved being pregnant, nursing, and the newborn/baby days. I don't feel done. My husband doesn't feel done. My 4 year old asks for a baby brother all the time. I honestly don't know how we could afford paying for another pregnancy/delivery. Finances play a big part. I am scared of something going wrong with the pregnancy and that it would be harder on my health than the others were. I could sure feel a big difference in being pregnant at 23 and being pregnant at 30! It did take me longer to recover after the third, too. If we had another it would be a 3rd c/s - which also makes me nervous! I have had friends with 4 to tell me it is so much easier than three! Three rocked us and there are days I still feel like I am It all day long... it is a circus. It makes me so very sad to think we might not have another little one. Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05590748512165243849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-54477890416682354302014-11-07T21:45:35.995-05:002014-11-07T21:45:35.995-05:00You're right. This isn't an issue that I ...You're right. This isn't an issue that I ever anticipated, at all, or have ever read anything about. I just always assumed I would have the number of children that I wanted, and that would be that. I have two (8 and 6) and I'm not sure if we'll have more. I'd like to, but it's complicated. I kind of can't imagine just being finished... but I might be. And that's sort of terrifying to face.<br /><br />And whether we are content with our family size, or have issues/regrets about not having more... it's still hard! I can hardly believe those toddler and preschool years are behind me. Like I was right in the middle of it, and then - BAM! Finished. I wonder if that's what all the stages of parenting feel like. Elementary School? Done! Tweens? Over. Teenagers? Off to college. And that's the scariest thought of all, which is probably what drives me to want more right now.nick hawkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07764481523817103066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-49202075060941834522014-11-04T16:29:06.346-05:002014-11-04T16:29:06.346-05:00As a new mom, it's good for me to hear these t...As a new mom, it's good for me to hear these things ahead of time. I'm not there yet and so just have not thought about it, but since I started having kids a bit later than I hoped to, it will come soon enough. My husband would like to have a bazillion kids, so I'm guessing it will have to be me that eventually decides we are done (unless God just stops giving us kids), and I think that will come with a bit of heartache, guilt, and fear because a decision of that magnitude is not something I can make quickly. <br /><br />The internet is such a great connector. I loved reading the comments of all these wonderful women. It's a bit of premature mentoring for me to tuck away for later in life.Leahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08577685661059985698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-57905619307524272462014-11-04T13:11:46.812-05:002014-11-04T13:11:46.812-05:00I agree. When my daughter became seriously sick m...I agree. When my daughter became seriously sick my youngest had just turned 1. My husband and I had wanted to have more children...but after that I knew I couldn't handle a pregnancy and new baby. Then I had medical issues that just continued to get worse and worse and prompted a hysterectomy. I was grateful to get through the surgery without incident, but I wasn't prepared for the sadness that followed. I then knew without a doubt I would never have that monthly "scare" again. My husband had done his part of preventing babies, but I till knew there was a chance that babies can be made! I finally realized that while yes, that part of my life was over, I could look forward to being a better feeling me. And focus on the kids I already had. Don't get me wrong...if I hear a baby cry in service I instantly start rocking.... I can't help it. I think God created women with such an intense need to care for babies that it doesn't ever go away. Hugs Amanda for EVERYTHING you've had to go through. Yes, God will carry you through it to something better--but that doesn't help the pain now. Hugs! you have great hair btwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-59204939158499010432014-11-03T04:30:10.150-05:002014-11-03T04:30:10.150-05:00Amanda....I'm praying for you and can't wa...Amanda....I'm praying for you and can't wait to hear of what the Lord will do. He will give you the desires of your heart...I believe that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-15920161100479249472014-11-02T22:39:52.321-05:002014-11-02T22:39:52.321-05:00Do you watch "19 Kids & Counting?" T...Do you watch "19 Kids & Counting?" The mother, Michelle, talks about this subject often. It seems she is having a difficult time with it, too. Maybe you should contact her!<br /><br />Pampsm260https://www.blogger.com/profile/00866954603705067937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-4178032193631095932014-11-02T20:35:12.622-05:002014-11-02T20:35:12.622-05:00Makes perfect sense and I understand completely. ...Makes perfect sense and I understand completely. That adds even more to the heartache many times. I will continue to pray for you. Thanks for taking time in your life to write. It's a joy. Blessings!margiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13140848339186052691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-69747364800087187102014-11-02T20:20:08.242-05:002014-11-02T20:20:08.242-05:00Margie, that would require both spouses to agree o...Margie, that would require both spouses to agree on having another baby or the Lord to intervene with a surprise. Neither of those things have happened. Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16777762608528843328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-20332809237251683952014-11-01T23:06:59.092-04:002014-11-01T23:06:59.092-04:00I don't understand. Why are you "done&quo...I don't understand. Why are you "done" if you still have a desire for more children? Is not the obvious thing to simply have more children? margiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13140848339186052691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-36873644311274542682014-11-01T19:53:47.280-04:002014-11-01T19:53:47.280-04:00I'm 43 and single and still, still, long to ha...I'm 43 and single and still, still, long to have a family. It's an aching pain.<br /><br />Most of my friends are in the season you are describing. A few hit it about 10 years ago. I remember my best friend from college telling me how sad she was to ween her youngest. I really thought she was crazy. She had 5 boys in 7 years, surely this was an exciting thing! I was young and stupid. Of course that was a hard moment. Weening her last baby.<br /><br />Selfishly, as I think about this topic, I get sad because my body probably can't have children anymore so my mourning is a different kind of "end of childbearing". Mine never started. I always had hope. Hope has faded and now I mourn. I only have a handful of friends who understand and even fewer who are willing to talk about it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-28989568941951609832014-11-01T02:31:26.523-04:002014-11-01T02:31:26.523-04:00I struggle with it every single day. I'm 47 an...I struggle with it every single day. I'm 47 and entering menopause now. But I had my only child when I was 24 and suffered immensely from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. It was so awful that I nearly died, so I never had more children after that. I always wanted more, but was terrified of getting that sick for 9 months again. My daughter passed away almost 10 months ago in an accident. My only child. I'll never get to live my dream of being a grandmother and being called Lovey. I grieve so much every day that I'm too old for more children or that I never had more in my younger years ( NOT that my daughter could ever be replaced. That's not possible ).But I sure miss hearing someone call me mom and saying "I need you".Sandy F.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00176702790186876975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-6642945775922582212014-11-01T01:44:40.458-04:002014-11-01T01:44:40.458-04:00Wow. I love it that you addressed this unidentifie...Wow. I love it that you addressed this unidentified/unspoken need. I can very much relate. I have six children. My youngest is 10, my oldest is 20. I felt like I did mothering well in the younger years but now I feel somewhat lost. Floating almost. My kids are ild enough that I can sit down for longer than 60 seconds but I don't want to just sit. It makes me feel lazy. I don't want to feel my best years are behind me. I'd love to have some inspirational examples of what living life well in this stage of life entails. You are right. It isn't discussed. Maybe if I were we as mothers could be equipped to bear forth more fruit in different ways - because we live to be fruitful, don't we?Kara Akinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14183707916550822861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-66341440654935757612014-10-30T22:06:07.979-04:002014-10-30T22:06:07.979-04:00Thank you for your honesty. Your open and real nat...Thank you for your honesty. Your open and real nature is what makes me love you so much.....<br />I love this because I know many women who've gone through it. I DO believe it's a huge issue and you may be on to something big here. I also love this because I am 32, never have dated, have problems with my reproductive system, and desperately want a family. Aging without the possibility of making the choice to birth your own children really really sucks on a hundred levels. Sure, I love adoption. But there is always a grief to not being able to have a child with your own body. So thank you for this. I am so thankful for you! Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03193100070793652138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-91361516222698766592014-10-30T22:04:18.317-04:002014-10-30T22:04:18.317-04:00At my core, I shy away from conversations that inc...At my core, I shy away from conversations that include the season of child bearing closing for the fearful fact of 'Oh my goodness WHAT IF God were to call our family to have more children' What if, by acknowledging the season is over it somehow perks up God's ears and Her remembers that He still wants us to have more- Yes, I know that He would give us the strength BUT as much as I have enjoyed raising our 18 year old right into young adulthood and raising our 15 year old right into his hormonal teen years and holding her own right behind her older brothers is our precious 3 year old (whom we adopted)...As much as I have enjoyed each and everyday of child raising (and will continue to enjoy it)- I feel tired out and all done having babies (or adopting babies). I know I can't boss God around (I've tried and it doesn't work...smile) so instead I slink down in my seat when such conversations come up and pray that either I will go through early menopause or become too old to adopt in every county throughout the whole world because then I know that the season is over- that the possibility of God calling us to more children is over (although I think of Sarah and Abraham...they were 'as old as dead' when Isaac was born)<br />That being said, during the 12 year gap between my then youngest and the adoption of our daughter I went through a deep grieving time that by the age of 41 we would be empty nesters. I remember the first day of dropping my (then) youngest off for a full day of school and driving away feeling incredibly lost....like the roles I had embraced for so many years were changing and I did not know how to let go politely. Along with this changing season was the deep desire I had to adopt- It was not until 6 years after dropping my youngest off at school that the Lord brought our adoption full circle- In those 6 years the Lord taught me some incredible lessons about solely depending on Him...to hold each season of child raising close to my heart but not to clench it in my fists...that my identity is first in Him and His desires for my life, then in my role as a wife, and then in my role as a mother...so many other lessons that I learned when my kids went to school and God and I had many hours of quiet time during the day. God Bless You Amanda- As always, thank you for your honesty and insight!Blessing of Adoption welcomes youhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16309458249566709611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-87791865304059889762014-10-30T16:46:04.481-04:002014-10-30T16:46:04.481-04:00Thank you for this, you've said what I've ...Thank you for this, you've said what I've been feeling. I don't feel like I'm done having children but it seems like my body and God had a conference that my brain and heart missed out on. I've been an emotional wreck and maybe I just need to mourn the loss of my fertile years and move on. Mrs. Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10385623160520451175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-84492766724610983472014-10-30T14:49:12.961-04:002014-10-30T14:49:12.961-04:00Amanda, Thank you for posting this. I know that Go...Amanda, Thank you for posting this. I know that God can do miracles, and apart from a miracle from God, I believe that I am finished with having babies. My husband and I always wanted 3 or 4 kids. After our second child was born we were both very overwhelmed. We are both pastors of a local Presbyterian church and work full-time. One night when our second was about 6 months old, we gave ourselves "permission" to only have 2 children and the relief I felt over the next months was so sweet. I felt content and my husband did, too.<br />However thrrr is always the ache, and I love the Sarah Bessey blog post someone referenced above.<br />I always wonder if I am being selfish by just having 2 kids. I rest in the fact that I feel very fulfilled in full-time ministry... Just as fulfilled as mothering. Maybe it's God's will for us to have two since both of us are also in ministry.... You know as well as I know how difficult full-time ministry is. I already feel stretched thin at home. Some weeks, and I think having more children would push me over the edge or have me permanently feel stretched thin. I keep seeking The Lord and try to remain open about having more children. (Of course we already gave all of our baby stuff away:) )<br />I will be praying for you, Amanda. May God grant you, me, and all of these other women peace about His call on our life and the number of children we raise.Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05325301868148145990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24028336.post-67165063039244640172014-10-30T01:08:35.770-04:002014-10-30T01:08:35.770-04:00I don't have an answer, but I will and have b...I don't have an answer, but I will and have been praying. With Love Hollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00794673914973256109noreply@blogger.com