Bill's Will

Bill's will has not yet been broken. He escaped last night when a salesman from Verizon came to the door. I had not gone anywhere all day and was in a rather small tank top and holey jeans. I was holding my whining child to cover up my poor excuse for a shirt and trying to explain that this wasn't a good time. My husband was in the back room doing our taxes and couldn't be interrupted from his attempt to get as much money back as humanly possible. Bring it home, honey! And, sir, I'm not exactly dressed in such a way that I am going to stand on the porch in 50 degree weather and discuss fiber optic cables. Okay? At that moment Bill took advantage of my vulnerability and the wide open door and bolted outside. Look what you've done, Mr. Verizon! I was just trying to save the mockingbirds! He stammered and said he felt bad and wanted to catch my cat for me. Then he said, "He's declawed, right?" Um, no. But thanks so much. I did manage to get him back inside before he roughed up the birds.

Today Bill was pretty calm. He only bothered me at the door for a few minutes. I thought he was giving over to a sedentary lifestyle. But when I came home from Kroger's with ten grocery bags cutting off the blood supply to my hands, he took advantage of me again and bolted. I could hear the squirrels in our neighbor's yard discussing his presence. I wrangled him back in the house an hour later before it occurred to him to make a visit to the Christmas tree.

Bill's will is going strong. Hopefully he will not get a chance to meet up with Mama Bird's will. He might end up like one of those cats on America's Funniest Videos who gets dive-bombed by a bird and ends up winning its family ten thousand dollars. On second thought, where is that cat?