Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Cue Avril Lavigne - It's Complicated

When you spend the early part of the summer weaning yourself from work and a very strong attachment to the computer so that you can be a better wife and mama, it's complicated coming home from a blogger trip and starting that process all over. The first week after I got home from Guatemala, I could do nothing but sit on my couch and be funky. I had a hard time finding motivation to do the things I needed to do in my home when I'd just spent a week doing things that could result in a measurable difference. I know I'm making a difference in my role as a wife and a mom, but when everything you do has to be done over and over again each day, it's hard to see that. It's very easy for me to gravitate toward things that can be measured now.

At one point I thought I'd made a mistake taking a leave of absence from work. Going back to work in the office full time - which I have not done in six years - was looking pretty good. That wasn't really what I wanted, but my feelings were all mixed up. After spending the entire day on the couch, I finally got up and made the first non-restaurant dinner of the week. Almost immediately, I felt 100 times better and was on my way to getting my groove back. This is the mystery of the crucified life. We naturally think our freedom comes from not spending ourselves on others, when actually our sense of purpose, joy and well being are so tied to it. God, you are faithful.

It's complicated when I think I did a better job promoting Mexican food restaurants in Houston than Compassion. It's complicated when I want to keep talking about the children I met, the poverty I saw, and the hope that Christ is offering through Compassion, but I don't want to wear anybody out. It's complicated when I know I'm the first one to tune out when other bloggers talk about the same thing all the time. It's complicated when I know how often I see something difficult on another blog and say, "I just can't deal with that right now." God, You are faithful.

On another note, it's complicated when you spend four years teaching your kid to behave a certain way and then put him on a soccer field and tell him the rules have changed! God, You are faithful.








The kids before school yesterday. Annabeth has learned to pose with her arm around Jackson. So funny.



We finally got a cool front. Thank God! We've been enjoying some meals and snacks on the back porch.



Complicated life. Faithful God. Thank you, Gregg Matte, for teaching me that.

34 comments:

Lauren said...

LOVED this Amanda, just love your heart!!!!!

Mary said...

You do a good job putting what so many moms feel into words. Not too complicated words, just very true. I like that phrase-I'm jealous, (in a Christian way-ha!) that you get to hear Gregg teach each week. Makes me miss Breakaway so much. I learn a ton from my pastor too but Gregg is so funny.

I have no idea how I'll do once my kids enter an organized sport. I know the day is coming...

Marc and Charity said...

"We naturally think our freedom comes from not spending ourselves on others, when actually our sense of purpose, joy and well being are so tied to it. God, you are faithful."

SO true, I'm right there w/ ya.

Amy G said...

Hey Amanda I think you just helped me understand what I have been going through - thank you! My husband and I lead a group of teens/young and older adults up North to a reserve where we run a weekly long VBS and evening activities. I start planning for this in May and it seems my entire summer gets wrapped up in organizing it. And then the week comes and goes and I come home pumped from a great experience but burnt out and left with no motivation to go back to the every day. I'm not a mom yet - but working on becoming a foster parent/adoption so I am scared what will happen next spring/summer. But I appreciate your words so much. Thanks for how you put your heart in what you write!

Rachel said...

Thank you for the reminder. You're so right! He is faithful! Thanks for being real.

Rhonda said...

That is it.
Complicated Life...Faithful God.

Kelli said...

Thanks for the reminder that amidst the complications of life, God is faithful. No matter the complications you are trying to work out.

HisTreasuredPossession said...

this really resonated with me today. I totally get where you're coming from. I feel so isolated right now and banging the (few) same drums. Praising God he truly is faithful!
blessings,
rachel

Lindsee Lou said...

Have I ever thanked you for your honesty? If anything, be encouraged that you are an example to this twenty something to live a life of faith and obedience even when it's hard. So, thank you! Love you, friend.

Barb said...

Dear Amanda, I know that your Compassion experiences will color the rest of your life forever! Thank you for sharing your conflicting feelings!! I follow another blog also and find Christy Jordon to also be sweet and honest - you may appreciate her post today: http://www.southernplate.com/2010/09/slow-cooker-cheesy-chicken-and-rice-the-downside-of-being-a-swan-princess.html
with love, Barb

Heather said...

AMEN and AMEN. Preach on, sister. And thank you.

Little Steps Of Faith said...

Truly is a perspective thing:) Thanks for showing us that:) xoxo. ang

P.S- I love that I KNEW the A. V song you had used before I came to see the blog:)

Kristen said...

a very complicated life indeed! our days are spent doing the same thing over and over it feels sometimes (groundhog day style)!

Jeannie (HAPPY HEART) said...

Amanda- I just wanted you to know that God has been working in my heart for awhile about sponsoring a child. Our family just sponsored a little ten year old
boy named Victor, from Guatemala tonight and we are so excited!!! After reading about your trip, I felt that I just had to follow through.

Keep shining!

Amanda said...

Jeannie, that is wonderful. Victor is going to be so excited! He will be thrilled to find out he has a sponsor and I know he'll look forward to getting letters from your family. God bless you guys.

Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

OH my goodness the kid photos are so cute! And yes - sports are SO hard - my homeschool son is in his third year of public school flag football and it is brutal but SO good to have him in and to be able to teach and train him how to play to the glory of God! And we are making friends and opportunities to share our faith! It's exciting to see God real in his life.

If you need some encouragement in your home this fall - just on making it peaceful, calm and cozy - I am running a challenge and link up for the month of October and over 80 bloggers have linked up - I'd love for you to check it out - not to link up etc. but just to encourage your mommy heart - let me encourage you for a change - you have so encouraged me.

And I know you are super busy - so no pressure to stop by - I feel a little forward leaving my link - so do NOT feel obligated to stop by - but just in case here it is: http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2010/09/making-your-home-haven-fall-challenge.html

Thanks for your encouragement and transparency!
Much Love,
Courtney

Karen Campbell said...

Thank you for posting this Amanda! I needed to read this today! God is faithful!

Carrie Beth said...

My friends and I were talking about how contradictory soccer has been for our kiddos. We've spent the past several years telling them to share, not take things from others, etc. Next thing they know, we're yelling at them to take the ball from the other kid! Gotta love sports!

Lizzie Fish said...

oh my WORD have i just been saying that EXACT SAME THING about soccer for the last entire week! amazing!

Fran said...

Exactly how I have been feeling lately and I have not been on a mission trip. But I know the feelings of being torn, anxious, and trying to figure a small piece of it out. It is very complicated. It can be very overwhelming. My prayer here lately is simply..."Lord let me do things for people that honor you."

Plain and simple. Old prayer. Nothing new. Just wanting to make a difference in all the lives I come across.

Thanks for sharing Amanda. What a blessing you are. Truly.

Hugs,
Fran

Heather said...

I love the way AB is posing for a picture with her brother.

Thank you for sharing with us your heart and struggles and when things get "complicated." I have missed reading your posts and just you in general. Praying for you friend, you are a blessing to so many.

thegypsymama said...

Yes, I hear you exactly on this one. I took me ages just to finally get back in the laundry groove. Miss having you guys around to process with.

LJ

Kimberly said...

Here is a quote I have handy to pull out--I don't know who said it but it is truth--

God has chosen us to be part of the most significant work on earth-the formation of a human soul. He has called us to prepare human beings for life in a broken world. He has commissioned us to teach young hearts how to think, desire and choose. He has allowed us to be His voice as He unfolds the deepest mysteries of the universe to children who are still learning to think. Most importantly, He has called us to help rescue them--not just from an evil world but from their own sinful and foolish hearts--by leading them to Christ. There is not higher, more holy calling than this!

melanie said...

i love what you said about the crucified life. that is the truth! thanks for the reminder!
so did jackson score a goal in that first picture? he looks like he was born to play soccer! we are finally visiting our backyard again, too, and enjoying the weather so much. supposed to get into the 50's this weekend. Woohoo!

Megan said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. I often feel similar thoughts of feeling my daily mundane tasks are not important, but you gave me a new "Light" to cast on my day today:) Also, thanks for visiting my humble little blog and commenting:)

Allison said...

Annabeth is so cute!!! I want one just like her. Do you think you and Curtis would consider having another and giving it to me and Brad??? Totally inappropriate response to your post, I know. Although, it does go along with the complicated theme!

connielynn said...

Hi Amanda,
I know it has taken me longer than it should have to do this. I wanted you to know that after much prayer and pondering I became the sponser parent of 8 year old Rudy from Guatemala. It was your writings that pushed me over the edge. I could not get the "city dump" out of my head.

Amanda said...

Connielynn, you have no idea what that will mean to Rudy and his family. Thank you for reaching out to them. He will be eager to get your letters. God bless you!

Susy said...

Ugh!! I totally understand what you mean about the repetitiveness of being a mother and wife!! I can enjoy sweeping and mopping but not when I remember that 15 minutes later a certain toddler is going to crumble her muffins out onto my clean floors!!

L2L said...

I was just confessing to my GMG that lately I feel soo worn down from my children, I love them to death but man oh man something seemed to be missing between them and i. and then i read Oswalds devotion for 10-12. "The true test of a person’s spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening....It is difficult to get into stride with God, because as soon as we start walking with Him we find that His pace has surpassed us before we have even taken three steps." How my soul was fed with his words of wisdom!! I wasn't worn out cause I didn't want to do it anymore, I was worn out cause God is keeping me instep with His will for my life. Ahh yes I now have my second wind, thank you Holy Spirit!!!!!!

Cathy Davis said...

A mission trip is hard to put into words - but I totally understand where you're coming from.

I haven't been around the bloggy world much and was glad to get a little caught up.

The kids are so amazingly precious - I can barely stand it!

Ashley said...

I just randomly clicked and found this one. Love it and I just had a conversation/breakdown/meltdown a couple of days ago over this one thing: everything I do has to be done over and over again. Really? This is it right now? I don't want to go back to a "real" job, I just want to see my life having an impact...now.

Meggers said...

I can only hope to one day be the kind of woman that you are; your blog is so inspirational and your way of motherhood is wonderful to read about! I love the Compassion-inspired blogs and love reading the LPM blog as well. Thank you for what you do daily. It may seem small, but it's truly large in the eyes of the "Kingdom." Amanda, thank you!!! :)

Meggers said...

I can only hope that one day when/if I get married and have children that I can be the kind of wife and mother that you are. You are such an inspiration and I love reading the Compassion-inspired posts. They are so heart-felt and used my the Holy Spirit to nudge my soul! Thank you Amanda. I appreciate the LPM blog and yours as well, so very much! :)