I have not been able to find the words to describe my emotions this week. I feel like I'm on a ride that is getting faster and faster and I'm hanging on for dear life, begging it to reverse. Take me back to Baylor Grapevine Hospital and let me hold my baby boy again. Take me back to Gymboree for his first birthday party. Take me back to Halloween when he wore the vintage golfer costume. This is what my heart says.
My mind says that every year with Jackson has been better than the year before. My mind says age four was great and age five is going to be a blast. My mind says to embrace the present and the future with Jackson and enjoy the toddler I still have in Annabeth.
You may have noticed that my thoughts about Jackson have become more private in the last year. I think that's probably a good and normal thing. I feel more protective of his privacy since he'll enter school soon. He's getting older and one day he'll realize his mother has been writing very detailed descriptions of our lives on the world wide web for all to see. Eek!
These days, when I have something wonderful to say about Jackson, the first thing I do is not run to the blog. I tell him! It is edifying to both of us. My parents taught me though their actions that if you think something great about someone, you should say it. We are definitely "words of affirmation" people.
Yesterday after I picked Jackson up from school, we sat at the table and had a snack. I asked Jackson if he was sad about something and he actually told me what it was. We had a whole conversation about one of his friends leaving school early and how bummed he was about it. I couldn't believe that he opened up to me like that. All that to say, our communication is growing by leaps and bounds. It's beautiful and so much fun. So if I'm communicating less here, it's because I'm using up some of my words with this guy.
More birthday posts to come...