Monday, April 05, 2010

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes

Happy Monday to you, bloggers! I hope you had a Jesus-filled Easter weekend. We certainly did, although I think we may have spoiled one of our precious children because I am dealing with an unusually rebellious little heart today. I'm about ready to throw away large amounts of candy if someone's attitude doesn't improve. Maybe this sweet little darling will wake up refreshed from his or her nap.

Did you have fun enjoying whatever thing you may have given up for Lent? I had deactivated my Facebook account. As I've said before, I was surprised to find that my life felt a lot quieter without it. I wasn't sure if I'd get back on, but last night I did...just to see. I think the problem is more with me than with Facebook. For some reason I feel an unhealthy amount of responsibility to know, deeply care, and respond to whatever I see on there. But I don't think people can be expected to know, deeply care, and respond to the highs, mediums, and lows of hundreds or thousands of people they don't even interact with in person. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to try a very scaled back version and see if I can handle that, but if not I know I can live without the darn thing. Imagine that!

Another thing I had given up was time on the computer after Curtis got home from work. That was a really nice change and Curtis asked me to keep that up. For one thing, I've actually had time to read books. My husband and I have enjoyed a lot of great discussions while reading side by side at night. Another benefit of staying off the computer on weeknights has been going to bed a lot earlier every night. Since my lack of sleep significantly affects my patience with my kids the next day, I'd say that's a pretty big benefit!

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm tooting my own horn. I just wanted to share my thoughts in case you find yourself sinking in the same WIFI motorboat that I was.

One of the books I just read was You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes by Lisa McKay. Lisa is a preacher's wife, a mother of four, and has a blog and an online ministry to pastors' wives. I got to know her through her blog a few years ago and then I just happened to spot her at the Proverbs 31 Ministries/KSBJ Girls Night Out in 2009. It was great meeting her in person. She's adorable and has the cutest accent! What is more, Lisa has an immense love for Jesus and she teaches through the written and spoken word. She's one of those women who you could laugh with and get a little teary with in the same conversation. I love friends like that. She's wise, down to earth, loving, spiritually challenging, and willing to share her own triumphs and tragedies. And I think I forgot to mention that she's really funny. It helps to have good humor when you're in ministry.

I think there are a handful of ministry wives who read my blog and I wanted to make sure that I pass on the word about Lisa's book, You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes. I've read a couple of other books for ministry wives and this one has definitely been my favorite. When I closed the book, I did not feel defeated or like I could never measure up to the role or the expectations. Instead, I felt like God could enable me to have an exciting and fulfilling life serving with my husband in ministry.

One thing that really rubs me the wrong way is cynicism toward the church. Like, I hate it. One time in Sunday school I rather publicly rebuked someone for taking what I considered to be a cheap shot at the church. (I regret that very much now.) I'm typically not that kind of person, but that cynical attitude just takes me past my manners.

I really appreciated that while she doesn't gloss over hard things, Lisa maintains a loving and positive attitude toward the church. She's not a cynical pastor's wife who wrote a book because she'd been burned so many times. She's a happy pastor's wife who loves her role and the people she is serving. Even when she shares painful experiences she and her husband have had, she doesn't lose sight of the goal, which is to love people.

Lisa did numerous surveys of ministry wives and laypeople to prepare for this book. I loved reading the quotes she used from those surveys. Also, at the end of each chapter there are several discussion questions. I think this could be a great book to read with other staff wives or with a group of friends who are also serving in ministry with their husbands.

I thought I'd share the chapter titles because it will give you a great idea of what you will read in Cute Shoes:

1) My husband's calling is my calling too.
2) I can still wear cute shoes.
3) I can potentially be my husbands worst enemy (Um, Amanda will go ahead and amen that.)
4) Church can hurt.
5) I can have BFFs in the church pews.
6) How to embrace my own thing.
7) How to raise my PKs to keep the faith.
8) About the joys of hello.
9) The greatest gift is love.
*For pastors only: Can we talk?

You can get to know Lisa at her blog, And you can get more info about/purchase the book by clicking here.


The Haines said...

thank Amanda! being a fairly new pastors wife, the chapters seem to answer many questions I already have. Def. going to check it out and maybe get the other staff wives on board too.

Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous! said...

Did you know that sweet Lisa and I live VERY close to each other? We don't get to see each other a lot, but we do get to text quite a bit -- just this past weekend as a matter of fact. I love her!

On a separate note, I deactivated my FB account a few months ago for about a month long stretch. I learned SO much about myself during that time... I feel a blog post about it coming on soon.

AKat said...

What a creative, darling book title! Love that.


I got a really fun shirt in the mail today. I'm digging the gray and teal.

Thank you!!!

Holly said...

You honor people so well, Amanda. I love Lisa. She has been a prayer warrior for my family during the harderst time (when my Chris was out of work late 2007). I love her heart and we carried her words around (literally) with us those 4 months.

I love your heart, too (and I know your passion for the church is so important...sometimes manners need to be set aside for truth to reign).

Lauren said...


Thanks for posting this. My husband is the contemporary worship leader at our church and directs a high school choir. It is good to hear from someone else who gets upset when people make shots at the church. Now do you mean the church or the Church? It seems like I get upset with both, when people complain about my specific church (where my husband works) and when people make shots at the Church as the body of Christ. Some people want to give up meeting together, or want to rebel against the organized church altogether. It is hard to hear that, when we (my husband and I) want so much for the church to be a place to gather to worship God and live in fellowship....and not a place to complain about the music, or that there weren't enough flowers at Easter, or the choir is a lot smaller than it used to be.

The question is...what is our role? How do we defend bride of Christ? I just get mad sometimes and we know that Jesus was mad at times. But that shouldn't always be the response. How do we live in the Spirit and know when to get mad and when to hold our tongue?

I think I have a lot to learn about what my role is.

Megan said...

Thank you so much for suggesting this book! I will have to check it out!

Mary said...

Sounds like a great book! Thanks for the recommendation--and I'm with you on the candy saying bye bye. It's causing some massive withdrawal issues. And it might be harder on me than the kids because I LOVE candy. Getting rid of perfectly good candy just seems wrong.

Amanda said...

Hi Lauren! I think it's both the church and the Church. In that case it was the church. It's just so easy to make accusations about the church not doing xyz enough when the person has no idea how hard their ministers and lay leaders are working all the time and how sincere their hearts are. What led me to regret my response is that I've had a hard time rightly relating to this person and their family since then. I paid a price to be "right" and I'm not sure if it was worth it. If I would have spoken to them privately it would have been better.

On another note, I pray God's blessings over you and your husband as you serve!

Tracy: said...

Oh nooooo...this is the comment I meant to leave!

Thanks for sharing this! I have been meaning to get this book since it came out! I just ordered it! Can't wait to read it :)

Wow, what a mistake! Maybe I should sign off for the day! ha!!
Thanks for contacting me !

Marc and Charity said...

I was wondering about that book. I use to read her blog but haven't in a long time...I think it got lost in my massive list of reads. Anyway, I saw the book at the store the other day and wondered about it. Thanks!

Jeannie (HAPPY HEART) said...

Thanks Amanda! I will def. check out her book. I have been reading your blog for awhile now. I am a good bit ( alot older that you) but just wanted to tell you that I love your blog. Reading your blog brings back some fun memories for me. I used to love taking my kids along on youth trips. It was hard at times but oh so worth it.

I know that a couple of posts back you were talking about your husband and mom speaking min. and you just did'nt feel led at his point to be a speaker. Just wanted to let you know that I was very content to my husbands support person for many years. I loved doing small groups, ordering pizza or just keeping the home front somewhat organized and functioning. I just kept loving Jesus! Several years ago the Lord began to open some doors for me and I knew it was totally him. Anyway, what ever the Lord has for you to do He will make it clear in His time!

Blessings on your sweet family!

PS I so love the church too and Jesus is relevant!!

Ashley said...

I was raised in a pastor's family, and had a wonderful experience. It's easy to have your jaded moments toward the church, but in the end, I've had to remember that people are people! I want to read this book, even though my husband is a doctor and not a pastor, I'm still a pastor's daughter and it interests me. It sounds great!

Patty said...

I love Lisa, I have known her for a few years and we met face to face at D.S. in Nashville. I loved her book! She is such a blessing!

Georgia Jan said...

Amanda - we had our annual church staff pastors/wives retreat this past week in beautiful Savannah, Georgia (we were there for just 3 days) and the wives all received copies of Lisa's book for our sessions. Lisa is so precious - very genuine and transparent. I love that about her - a good trait for ministry wives!

As a pastor's wife myself for almost 33 years (that makes me sound so old...but I'm young at heart, truly) I sure enjoy "continuing education" in the fields of both marriage AND ministry.

Bless you sweet girl - I sure love your transparent heart too.

Blessings to the Joneses,
Mrs. Jan

Fran said...

I love that girl with all my heart. She is a gem and I'm so very proud of her, who she is, and what she is doing. God bless that sweet woman and everyone else that is a "Preachers Wife."

Happy Post Easter Amanda. Hope you are a different person after such a glorious weekend. I really don't want it to end.


jennyhope said...

Aw I just love that woman! I got to meet her in San Antonio and since then drive with 3girlsmom to meet halfway and eat, then go to a luncheon with her speaking and a bunch of siestas and now we get to stay together in Atlanta. All that is to life has been richly blessed because of blog world. I know what you mean about the fb thing. It is so hard to respond to everything and then have another outlet to feel guilty or behind on when we put that pressure on ourself!

Siesta OC said...

Thanks for the heads-up! I am actually told by my friends that I NEED TO MARRY A PASTOR! So this is interesting. I am thrilled you have met someone that ministered to you - you all have ministered to me in so many ways. Thanks for the heads up! And I totally get the online pit thing! Like tv - it will suck life out of you - just get on state "what's on your mind" on FB - from scripture to cherrios stuck on punkins! And then get off. I found I was getting into seeing how many comments I got (sick I know) but it helped me to take some time away!

Muchos Grace to you siesta!

Siesta OC <><

Kelli said...

I agree with Anna, the shirts are perfect. :)

I have really been trying to figure out how to limit my computer time at night. I really think that Chris and I would benefit from it! Thank you for sharing what a wonderful thing it was for you!

The Duff Gals said...

Thank You Amanda! I have this book in my stack to read. I stubbled apon it a few months ago. I am so excited to get started!

Katie said...

That was nice to read that you gave up evening computer time. And about how y'all read side by side at night and are going to bed earlier. Those are three things I've wanted to turn to habit. Thanks for sharing -- not braggy at all, very encouraging! :o)

Kristy said...

this is random...sorry...but we got our shirts in the mail 9 year old was pumped! And the note from Zach and Christine was very sweet...we'll keep them in our prayers! Bless you for being such a wonderful friend!

Julie said...

I love the book. It really is a book that every PW can use and benefit from reading.
And I love, love, love Lisa too!

RosyRose said...

Hey Amanda~
I will def. get this book! It looks wonderful!
And I am right with you about the distaste I have for hate speech of the church in the church!
I just recently heard someone say the enemy always attacks/destroys a church from within.
Love your honesty!!

Kari said...

We gave up computer and tv on Fridays as a family for lent. Wow, did not realize how much time we could blow on the 2! I think I want to keep up the not turning on the computer at least one day a week. Heard your mom say once that anything you feel like you need to do 7 days a week can turn into an addiction. Thanks for sharing how it went for you -- it is an encouragement to me :)

Sue Heimer said...

Amanda, It was nice to meet you also! My brother always loved the mane Levi, but after he was blessed with 5 girls,he said we could use it! I will admit "loving Levi" has been a challenge at times. He has kept us on our knees. He is the "story" behind my talk, "When your teenager rebels". He is now 22 years old and a joy in our life! Thank you for sharing the story about giving up something. I have been without a computer for almost a week.Yup, it crashed and burned! Although I use it for ministry work, there are many times where I am just....hanging out with it:) I had allot more free time this week too!
Blessings to you. Sue Heimer

Donita said...

I do not exist on Facebook which leaves me to wonder whether I exit at all. Alas, recently I have had the realization that Satan uses the over-exposure of all media outlets to overwhelm us and incapacitate us with the sheer volume of need...whether emotional needs of not-close friends or physical needs of millions around the world.
I don't know the perfect solution, but I am sure that God is big enough to highlight the paths he wants us to pursue and blind us to the others.
Thanks for sharing.

Leslie and James said...

Thank you for putting cynicism into perspective for me. I needed that!

PS- What was the name of that restraunt ya'll went to in Brenham? I want to check it out, but i can't remember the name!

Shannonlynn said...

Hello! i just wanted to drop and and compliment your blog. You seem like such a uplifting Godly women. It's great to have women who are proudly carrying the faith. I am new at this blog thing but am using it to keep in contact with friends and family while i take 6 months to do something called YWAM (youth with a mission) anyway just stoping in to say i admire your dedication to your blog and other women!
God bless

Lindsee Lou said...

You have challenged me to give up computer time in the evenings. Honestly, I get enough of it during the day. Why do I feel the need to get on it when I get home? I think, like you, I'd go to bed a lot earlier and get to read longer. I try to do both and it doesn't work. So, thank you for writing this post as a nudge of encouragement!

Toknowhim said...

Just wanted to say I totally get what you are saying about FB and the computer... I think I feel very much the same way you do.
Thanks for sharing...

Netty Cakes said...

Thanks so much for the post and perspective. It's been a difficult adjustment for my family now that we have a small infant. The demands of the church on my husband are most definetly straining my patience and understanding at the moment. I'm going to pick this book up asap.

katiegfromtennessee said...

Hey Amanda, this book sounds really good. I think my older sis would like it too. Her husband is still in school now to become a pastor. Thanks for mentioning it:)


Marla Taviano said...

I'm not a pastor's wife, but that book sounds awesome. Thanks for sharing!!

And I got my beautiful t-shirt in the mail this week too! Woohoo!!

I totally, totally get the "need" to deeply care/respond to everyone's stuff. Working through this one right now.

Love you!

Mary R Snyder said...

Amanda - thanks for sharing. I, too, have that strange idea that I need to comment on everything for everyone on FB -- all the time. I'm overcoming it.
I love the online world, but it's like friendships in the IRL world -- boundaries. I'm setting them.... or trying to set them.

And Lisa! Oh my! Just LOVE that chick! Oh I do. She has a huge heart and just loves people.

Sugar Mommy said...

Thanks for sharing this book with us. I have become great friends with our pastor's wife, and have lately seen her going through some awful attacks by satan and it breaks my heart for her. I am praying for her and am trying to encourage her. I know from being a PK how hard it is to live in that fish-bowl; I have seen how Christians can allow themselves to be used by satan to attempt to tear down those who have been called to ministry and to destroy what God has built.

I am going to buy this book for her. Thank you for telling us about it. Does she do speaking engagements?

Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous! said...

I know you're taking a break, but I just wanted you to know that, during your break, you sure are missed. :)

Peter and Nancy said...

I am one of those ministry wives who reads your blog. I love Lisa's blog too! :o)

I have avoided FB like the plague because it's so easy for me to get sucked into the computer at my kids' expense.

Lynn said...

I've read your blog numerous times but don't know if I've commented -
it's like this post (about Facebook and staying off the computer weeknights) was written about me!!! Has my husband told you about me? =) Just kidding. This is something I am working on as well. Too many things get neglected while spending too many hours on the computer. Thank you for sharing!! God bless and have a wonderful day!

Miranda said...

Hi Amanda,
You don't know me, but I am friends with friends who do (and I teach Jackson's SS class:))... I have a question to ask you about your work in England? If and when you find the time would you mind emailing me so I could have your address. I know this is an odd way to contact you and you are very busy but I thought I'd try what I could to get in contact with you:) THANKS in advance!

Miranda said...

Hi let me introduce myself via your blog, which I know is rather odd, but I am Miranda (I know you via other friends at HFBC plus I teach Jackson's Sunday School class:)). I have a question about your work in England. If and when you possibly have the time, could I pick your brain about your work? My email address is

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

While I totally understand your blogcation, I miss you!

Kylie said...

My husband is not a senior pastor but he is the youth pastor of our church. I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and am pregnant with our third. I can get very tired honestly :). Thank you for your post. I'll be sure to pick up this book, as I could use a dose of "positive" right now! :)