Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm Not Sure What to Call This One

You know those stories about men who pass out in the delivery room while their wife is having a baby? Weird, right?

Well, I get it now.

I'm about to share something gross, so if you have delicate sensibilities you should move on to another blog.

I took Curtis to his post-op appointment with his surgeon today. We were really looking forward to this because he's had a drain on his abdomen for over a week and it was time to have it taken out. Thank God.

(By the way, we went for a walk the other day and Curtis didn't want to tuck the drain into his shorts because it hurt. So in order to protect the public from having to see it, he covered it with foil. Because that's inconspicuous.)

We went in the examination room and there was this humongous, ominous chair. We got to stare at it for 15 minutes while we waited. Then the surgeon came in - whom it turns out is quite a dude - and Curtis was able to ask the big question. Is this going to hurt? The doc indicated that it would not be a pleasant experience - perhaps a 3 or 4 on the pain scale.

Curtis had to climb into the chair. I wasn't going to look. Things like that make me weak in the stomach. You'd think I would be better since having children, but no. I'm much worse now.

So there I was, looking away. Far, far away. And then I heard a horrible groan from Curtis. Instinctively, I looked toward him and had the misfortune of seeing a 12 inch long tube coming out of his body. All the while he was letting out the most dreadful sound I've ever heard.

Doc underestimated the pain scale by several points. We were both in shock - Curtis in physical shock, I in emotional shock.

I felt like I'd just seen my husband deliver a baby. He felt like he'd just been in a scene from Alien. (Or Alient, as Jackson would say.) Either way? Gross.

So I didn't pass out, but now I can totally understand why some husbands lose consciousness in the delivery room.

Speaking of childbirth, I'm starting to feel panicky about Annabeth being a toddler. For one thing, I'm not sure I'm ready to go through the 18-36 month age again. And then there's the fact that when I see other people with infants, all I can think is, "I don't have one of those anymore! Why don't I have one of those anymore?"

One day, like today for example, and I cannot believe I'm saying this, I feel desperate to have another baby. Like, I need a newborn. I even miss nursing and everything. (What?!?! I know!) We have a very large guest room and I can't help imagining turning it into something like this.

But tomorrow I'll feel like I absolutely, positively can NEVER be pregnant again and that it would be insane to bring another child into our family. Insane, I tell you! And I can't imagine puking for three months while being in charge of our two other children. And the weight gain? And the you-know-what's of doom that would be present almost overnight? Ugh.

Is it normal to feel very hot and cold about this?

101 comments:

spiritmom said...

I'm interested in what others say, but for me, I KNEW someone was missing from our family until I was pregnant with our last. I would even look at family pictures of us and felt like there was an empty spot. Hubs was bound and determined we were done, but he eventually accpeted his destiny:) And that "baby" is now a 5 year old red haired firecracker, and the apple of his Daddy's eye.

Holly said...

I totally have been praying for JUST THAT!! I am totally FOR you, but you just are the best Mama, Amanda...and I have prayed for God to FILL up your house with children :)

Also? You are losing the weight as you go, unlike me. I have just lost my Sydney weight...and am working on my Tabor weight. Noah and Kylie weight to come! So you are way ahead!

Sorry Curtis was hurting today...continuing to pray for recovery and God's new normal for you.

Emily said...

I am totally with you on the having another baby thing. I have a 3 year old and an almost 15 month old and in the last few weeks I have actually found myself considering another child...something I promised post-birth I would never do! One day it's a yes, the next a no way!

Terrie and Carley said...

Amanda your post wasn't graphic at all. I was ready for the worse or it could be that I help take care of my grandmother in the nursing home for several years that I can't think of too much that can gross me out.

I feel for your desire to have another baby, me too but I am way beyond birthing babies. I have to borrow some every now and then. I get to play with them and practice being a grandmother. I love that I get to sleep through the night!

I want to thank you for the website for itzbeen. That little gadget is the talk of all the baby showers I attend.

Erin said...

My sister has a 4 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old and she feels the same way. She wants another baby some days and the next she knows there is no way.

I have a 5 1/2 month old and I already am sad that she is no long itty bitty (she weighs 21lbs haha). I dread the day I have to wean her, because I just adore nursing her! Of course, we would love to have more children, God willing

R said...

oh no...you are not alone.

we have three, and our youngest is 11 mos. my tubes are tied; we know for sure we are done. but you should have seen me yesterday in church--a couple in the seats in front of us had a one month-old baby girl, and it was all i had within me not to lean over, scoop that baby up, and tell that mama, "you just let me show you how this mothering thing is done!"

it's terrible. i went to a sip & see yesterday afternoon and wouldn't hold the newborn because i knew it would kill me inside. :0)

so yeah, i kind of get it. ha!

Rhonda said...

I can say I have gone back and forth about the issue myself. I am getting old enough now to where I don't miss late nights and crying babies, but I do miss the quiet of nursing and the intimacy of a newborn. Our youngest is almost 5, and there are times I long for another.
On another note the mental image of some guy walking around with a piece of foil coming out of his abdomen is...well... it made me laugh:)

lmashe81 said...

My little ones are 3 and 4 and some times I want another one then there are days that I can't fathom adding the the chaos to our lives of a third child. So I know how you feel. Plus i have two little boys and i would love to have a little girl. I just don't know.

Heather said...

Reading this is like looking into a mirror, as far as the third baby is concerned. I feel totally "content" and definitely "full" one minute and then the next I am totally wanting another baby. That sweet newborn. I just can't stand it that Avery Kate isn't a "baby in a bucket" (carrier) anymore!! There's just something about that sweet baby stage! Crazy, huh? I'm gonna blame hormones for this! :) Hope Curtis is feeling better. I cannot imagine watching that!

Heather said...

Almost 30 (gulp) years ago when my mom went into labor with me, she was getting the epidural and my dad passed out and hit his head on the sidetable and started seizing and had to be life flighted to another hospital. He missed my birth obviously, and apparently according to my mom and nanny I nearly died that day. Anyhow, my dad made the front page of the paper in our town and I did too for being the biggest baby born at that hospital - 12 pounds. We can totally relate to passing out in the birthing room.

There was really no need to share that on here was there?? Hope Curtis is feeling better and isn't too sore. Been praying for you guys!! Glad you didn't pass out, and I think you should go for baby #3!!!

bethany said...

You are a better woman than I am-I would have DEFINITELY passed out. Actually it wouldn't have even have gotten that far because as soon as the invitation to be in the room while a 12 inch tube was removed from Zak's body was extended, I would have refused. I am that fantastic of a wife. I really am saving him from having to carry me lifeless to the car. I give you 10 points for bravery.

Can't say that I know how you are feeling about the whole baby thing-my kids are such chaos that I haven't even thought about another one. We'll see if I ever get to that point. I know a lot of women do...I'm sure you could handle another if that's what you and Curtis (and the Lord of course) decide. I'm all for big families, just not sure if I'm cut out for it. :)

Heather said...

Oh yes it is very hot and cold and I have 3 and have the worst pregnancies. I can't imagine the thought but yet I still ace for it as well. Though we feel led to adopt so we are going to walk that road. I was adopted so I have always wanted to adopt and we both feel like God is leading us in that way ... though I still ache as though I had never carried a baby before. Then there are days when I look at the insaneness going on around me and want to punch out the part of me that aches for another :)

Patty said...

I think it is normal to have those feelings. There isn't anything more precious than a newborn. That little girl's room is so pretty.

I am sorry Curtis was in pain today. Praying he feels better soon!

Love,
Patty

Lydia said...

I cannot even begin to imagine how you felt watching Curtis experience that. My 4 year old got his first (and hopefully last) set of stitches back in January. My husband was over an hour away with his job and couldn't get home soon, so I was the one to take him to the ER. I did my best not to watch the stitching taking place in his chin while I held his hand, but I saw enough that resulted in me laying flat on my back of the Emergency Room floor (of my own doing, not due to passing out). And if you knew the lengths of my germ-a-phobia, you would know how close of a call that was. The ER doctor told my son when the stitches were done that he did a great job, but "your mom did not do good."

Becky said...

Am I wrong for laughing outloud at the image of foil covering his drain? You seriously have a way telling a story! So glad he is on his way to a full recovery.

After I had my first born, I immediately had the desire to have another one. That yearning never went away until I had our second born last October. When people have asked me if we would ever have more children my response is always the same. I feel very complete right now! The Lord might have more children for us in the future, but I totally understand the feelings of it being insane to have more!

Ginger said...

You know I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel as you do. My only advise would be, not to make any decisions during this stage, either way. Your feelings, hormones, and all the above will continue to fluctuate, so just breath, journal, and take it all in. You will be better able to reflect when there's complete peace and unwaivering thoughts.

Rest with Curtis during this healing process, and who knows what may come. In closing, please pass a great big hug to Bibby as I bid farewell to insecurity along with each of you.

Ginger

the 8 o'clock hour said...

that is amazing of you being able to be there with your hubby... alot of ladies cant and couldnt or wouldnt do that... so awesome job girl :) next thing is I TOTALLY get the baby thing.. i feel that way alot.. but i know myself and i would be that girl poppin babies left and right the moment they werent babies anymore... so i fixed that and got my tubes tied lol therefore i can not make a decission based on true emotions... the next baby wont always be a baby and the next and the next... so whatever you decide will be great and i wish you luck :) p.s i know i miss nursing SO BAD! were crazy! lol

Spicy Magnolia said...

Feelin' the pain of your experience with Curtis today. Not fun!

I'm feeling hot and cold over the pregnancy issue and I only have one!! I've always only wanted two children, and I dread feeling the heartache over wanting a third child...will it cause me to breakdown and make me cave into having a third when I know I couldn't possibly handle it (at least that's what I feel like)??

Guess I should just get to workin' on the number two though before I start imagining my emotions contemplating #3, huh??

Traci said...

Oh yes- it's totally normal. Matter of fact, the older your kids get the more desperate you'll get in weak moments. Ours are 13 and 10 and just the other day I thought "Wow, we are really past the baby stage." BUT- the tween ages are fun too- they can ride all the rides at Disney and they can White Water Raft and you can see movies that have nothing to do with Pixar and they'll eat Chinese and Mexican with you- but I'll say- toddlerhood was trying- not awful, just trying. It was much easier the second time- just hide your Sharpies. Trust me...

Emily said...

I don't know if it's normal, but I am RIGHT there with you. Right there. And I've had four already. Four. What is up with this?

Julie Marler (Mammy) said...

I say go for it! We did after two kids and our 3rd - my 31 yr old daughter is so thankful we did! Actually, she was only planned by God - we didn't plan her for sure - but so very thankful that God did!!

And the tube thing in the drs office....my bff's husband went through the same episode as Curtis many years ago. But in the drs office at his check-up the dr. was NOT pleased at how his incision was healing and just reached down and after putting his hands on both sides of the scar - just ripped it open. Yep, just ripped it open in front of God, my bff and her husband amidst the yelling passing out and everything!! Then he gave him a local and just stitched him up again - like it was no big deal. My bff almost died right there! ....And I chose to tell my very "weak-in-the-stomach" husband about this event as he was driving down the highway. He got so sick at his stomach at me just telling him the story I thought he was going to have to pull off the road and lose his supper! So yes, very strange things can happen in those follow-up appts in the drs office!!
Praying for God's speedy healing for Curtis.....and perhaps another sweet baby for you! YOU CAN DO IT!! (that was supposed to sound like a cheer!)
Mammy

tiggerdaisy said...

Okay, so you have totally nailed my thoughts about having another baby. One minute it's a "I want another one right this minute!! I miss being pregnant!!" Then I think about all those sleepless nights and I quickly come back to reality. That and my two and a half year old's smart mouth. Yeah, that's a really good birth control right there! :)

My son will turn one in less than two weeks! CAN'T WAIT! :) I, too, am not necessarily looking forward to the toddler age with him, but it's a coming whether I want it to or not! My infant will only be around for another few days and then he will gloriously turn into a toddler that I'll be running after from here on out.

Oh how I love my babies! It just gets better and better and better! It's amazing how you can grow more and more in love with your babies every minute. God is so good!

Prayers and blessings,
Rebecca

Natalie Powers said...

i thought i was the only one who felt like that....and felt insane at the same time. INSANE. i don't know how in the world i could take care of the 2 i have and be puking for 3 months either. it's the worst!

VA mom of 4 said...

More is good. I have 4, they are so wonderful. When you are older it's so nice to have a lot of children to love and care for you. It keeps life so full and fun and interesting. Soon your 2 will be so independent... very soon. Have more!

The Barfuss Family said...

It's got to be normal! You did just encourage me to embrace these last couple of weeks of nursing/pumping. I was bound to quit tomorrow, but maybe I have a few days left in me. :)

Missy said...

I'm so glad to read the comments and know it's normal to feel so crazy about another one. My baby girl turns two the first part of June and some days I just wish to be pregnant again, and others so, so glad to sleep through the night! :0)

3girlsmom said...

Is it weird that I think this story is awesome? ;) And tell sweet CJ that he needs to multiply the doc's pain scale by AT LEAST 2 the next time he's told it'll be a 3 or 4. And never EVER ask a male doc how bad labor hurts. And if you do, and they answer, tell them they are a big fat sissy liar because they can't possibly know. I had a drain taken out after Gall Bladder surgery (no, I'm not 94 years old - just a really terrible pregnancy side effect) and I almost punched the doc square in the face. Ow.
Glad he's getting better! I totally get what you're saying about the infant - then I hang around one, remember the lack of sleep, and happily hand that sweet bundle of joy back to its parents.

Ashley said...

I am SO hot and cold on the 'nother baby issue. Like seriously, one day I miss it and the next day, I don't know what I was thinking the day before. It's crazy.

And I've heard having drains pulled out are VERY painful. My sister's a nurse and she's told me. I hope that now his recovery will move right along smoothly!

ehardin said...

yes...I felt like that when all my children would hit the 18 month mark.
I just needed a baby!
I can tell you 3 was the easiest!!!
We have four.
you already multi task. the emotional guilt isn't as heavy. the other kids step up more and i just plain chilled out more.
3 was the best!
ilove having 4 now. (she is almost 3)
four was a lot, but my husband also start working ridiculous hours so i felt like a single mom of 4. not fun!
anyway. follow your heart. everyone allows told me i would know when i was done. and believe me when i was pregnant with the 4th ...iknew i was done! EVEN now ilove holding the isties and then giving them back. so done!

MTW said...

My husband and I went back and forth on a third child as soon as our second was 1. The first two children were not quite 2 years apart. I always wanted 3, but was content with our son and daughter. Some days, I was so ready for #3 I ached, others I felt like it wasn't for us. Finally, we both decided that if we weren't both feeling complete, then God may have more in store for us. He did, and she's just what we needed to feel complete.

Michelle said...

Wow, I just had this conversation with my OB today at my yearly check-up. The first week home with number two, I begged my husband to get a vasectomy, just knowing I would NEVER have another one. Of course he didn't, and now I go back and forth missing that baby/nursing stage. I wish there was a sign just telling you exactly what to do! I have horrible pregnancies but love the miracle of birth... Hate the first six to eight weeks but love the bond that forms soon after. Oh, what to do...

I think the 18 month phase will tell me for sure. Let's just say it was a good thing I was already pregnant when my son hit that stage!

Sorry you had to go through that with Curtis. Praying for total healing.

Beki said...

Totally understand your feelings!!! I have a 4 y/o and a 9 month old....and well for the past couple of months I've been passing the idea of having another kiddo to my husband =) But then there are some days where I'm thinking maybe I'm crazy. But ya know these days pass so quickly they will be out of the house before we know it (tear). Anyway nope you are not crazy, not at all.

Shelley B. said...

Heres my take on a possible baby#3

I grew up in a family of 2 kids me and Rich and that is what I wanted my family to look like... then God blessed me with 2 little boys and suddenly I found out (after attending a LPL in Bham when your momma talked about you having Jackson)I would be having a third child!!! It seemed not as scary after hearing your mom talk about your sweet boy.

But I will say this my third baby was so easy and easier than my second.. for my two older children played together and allowed me to be mommy to baby Wright without guilt which was such a blessing. And he's been such a joy to our whole family. You will know what is best for your family but don't be scared if it's not what you thought it looked like at one time. :)

Lindsay said...

I have three boys (7,5 and 2.5) and after my third, I just knew that we were complete as a family. Kinda like I knew my husband was 'the one'. When I see a newborn, I always have the yearning for my babies at that age, but it is always followed by the satisfaction I feel with my family as it is. I get my newborn fix, then hand that baby back to it's mama and go home to a 7 year old that is reading to his brothers, a 5 year old who is about to start kindergarten and a 2.5 year old who loves to have his tummy scratched and has the cutest personality ever. While I'm sure I will always be nostalgic about that newborn stage, I love this new phase in life and the changes it brings.

The Haines said...

Amanda, its so funny that you posted that PB pic of the girls' room... that is JUST what I have been imagining if this baby is a girl. Now I just need to recreate it without spending PB money! ;)
So glad Curtis is healing well!

Kathy Cubley said...

Absolutly normal to feel so out of touch with reality concerning children....Our third daughter is in the same boat. Her second is almost two....and they are on the decision roller coaster. I'll just start praying for you both to have a clear word for God!

Kiki said...

Poor Curtis! Way to be strong for your man.

I still have days where I think I want more kids and then I have days where I think I'm already in over my head. I wonder if I'll ever get over that baby lust.

Drew always reminds me at the most inopportune times that we're having another one, ready or not!

melanie said...

yuck, i'm so sorry curtis (and you) had to go through that grossness.
and yes, i agree, that guest room is just asking to be turned into a room for twins!! ha!

and i have the baby itch in a major way, i'm not even hiding it. i want another baby, and soon!!

Toknowhim said...

Totally normal to feel that way... I am headed to my 40's and I still have that ache for another baby (I have 3 boys now) every once in awhile... You still have plenty of time to change your mind (over and over again if you have too)... I could see you as a mom of 3 for sure :)

So, so sorry about what Curtis went through... sounds just awful..

MEGAN said...

YAY, go for a 3rd! Think of the sibling Jackson and Annabeth are missing out on (totally coming from someone that has no kids, but comes from a family of 3 kids)!!!!!!! And, no need to rush into it, wait awhile! But, 5 is a full family : )

Siesta OC said...

I want that bedroom - its adorable! And no I don't think it is bad to be hot and cold - why wouldn't you have more?

Mommy Nash said...

I just had to say that my 4year old daughter says "alient" too! Laughed out loud when I saw that. And I think it is normal to be very hot and cold about it. My baby is 6mos old, and I have no business thinking about a third, but find my mind going there some days, and other days feeling very complete and done. Not sure when that goes away, or if it only goes away with delivery of another baby.

Little Steps Of Faith said...

Yea, I was one of them who could stomach that. I think afterwhile you just get "used" to seeing that sort of stuff. I am sure you've seen your share too!

I wish I knew what it was like to be a mom. I am holding out in obidience with Him though, the right person will be revealed to me in His time.
I do trust that.

But I would love to be a mom someday.

Marc and Charity said...

Oh man. This is pretty gross. Poor Curtis. And You.

After spending all day (13 hours) in the van with a screaming 14 month old, I'm thinking NO.

The Clark Clan! said...

One word - ADOPT. It won't fulfill the breastfeeding desires but no morning sickness! (or all day sickness for those of us that are extra lucky)

Mariel said...

my boys are 7 and 10 and I am still hot and cold at times...but my man faithfully reminds me of the "fun" and I jump back to reality! Moving on to the next season is a good thing!

Deanna said...

I'm with spiritmom - I think you just kinda know when your family is complete.

My opinion - just be open to what the Lord wants for your family. Maybe He only intends for you to have the two that you have now, maybe He intends more for you. Either way you know He'll give you what you need to endure through the hard, difficult, uncomfortable, yucky, nauseating stuff.

I thought I was DONE after our second born, but God intended otherwise and I cannot imagine the absolute joy that I would have forfeited if I'd had my way! After she was born I just knew that was it for us - not just because I knew my body couldn't take another pregnancy but we just felt complete.

Angela said...

If it meant having a room like that, I think you should go for it!

Me too for that matter!

Laughing.....

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I was totally with you on pulling the tube out. That's the one thing I vividly remember when my appendix burst and I was 5 months pregnant. I actually hurt when I was reading this....and that was 28 years ago. Labor was nothing compared to the pain from the appendectomy.

Tara G. said...

Sometimes I just stare in dumbfound disbelief at some of the things my husband comes up with!

My youngest will be 2 in a month. Let me assure you, she got the memo on that. I try to keep a positive attitude on each age because they really are so fun but there are several things about this stage that I'm not too excited about!

The Bargain Shopper Lady said...

I am glad Curtis is okay! Tell him sorry it hurt so much! If you did have another child someday, I bet you would get prime sympathy from him! Hey I was looking at my second blog post and you are one of the only blogs that is still available and the only one that is still blogging on your blog! Out of all eight friends! lol
Love,
Lori
~BSL

Yankee Mama said...

Poor guy!

I used to have an iron stomach before I had kids...it's weird that it's so weak now!

I feel the same way about having another baby (and I already have three kids)! I had two sisters and I want my baby girl to have a sister TOO. If I could skip the puking for 3/4 months I would totally do it again...maybe... pregnancy is kinda scary!

You would love my daughters room she has that PB bedding, flower bedside table and a beautiful chandelier that I made her. All she needs is a sister to share it with!

lavonda said...

You are SO normal!

I'm 39 and feel exactly like you just described almost every day. Hot one minute, cold the next.
and my children are 13 and 9. I can't help but wonder if someone's missing at the dinner table, and father time is ticking my clock soooo loudly.

What to do, What to do?

Sue Deeley said...

Amanda, I don't think what you're feeling is unusual at all. I felt very much like that after I had my second child (almost 6 years ago). My husband would have loved more children but I felt very overwhelmed by my two busy little boys and concerned that I couldn't be the mother I wanted to be if I added to my family. For what it's worth, I now regret not having another baby. A friend told me something that was right on: "If you don't have another baby, you might regret it but you'll never have a baby and be sorry you did."

Anyway, you are much younger than me so you have lots of time to decide. You're in a very busy, exhausting stage right now. You may think differently in a few years. :)

So glad your Curtis is doing better. Hope things are back to normal at your house soon!

Amber said...

Poor Curtis - that sounded just awful!

And yes I am very hot & cold of the baby issue. One day I want a baby so bad and the next I am warning my husband that he better not "impregnate me!" No wonder men think we're confusing :)

www.dixondialogue.com

Missy said...

I'm just chiming into to share that when I had two children, I was surprised to find myself a bit disappointed with a negative HPT (home pregnancy test). I was even more surprised a couple of months later when I learned of our "bonus baby" arriving in six months! I had one of each (boy and girl) and then our wonderful bonus from the Lord.

It was tough with children age two, three and a newborn! But it gets *easier* every year and they are all such pals for being so close in age.

I think being a woman makes one long for those newborn, baby days...I still am tempted every time I'm with a tiny one!

Missy
www.penn-fam.blogspot.com

Tamela said...

Although I totally understand all of the concerns you mentioned about another child, I can tell you as the mother of a 14-year-old and 17-year-old that what you are weighing are not even close to the BIG factors in bringing another child into this world. Those are all quite temporary relative to the length of a child's life and their impact (good or bad) on your life and the dynamics of your family.

As far as not having an infant, I think all mothers miss that at some point. But again, from someone on "the other side" I regret that I wished away every stage they were in because I now understand how truly brief each stage is...wishing he would sleep through the night, quit teething, walk, get out of diapers and so on.

My 17-year-old son leaves for college in 15 months and what I would give to have him in the inconvenient baby/toddler stage and do it all again.
I promise I am not saying any of this to make you feel guilty - just adding some perspective. :-)

Good luck and I have had a similar doctor's office experience and nearly blacked out too. Hope Curtis is recovering quickly.

Kylie said...

I totally get it- that's why I'm pregnant with my third after having a boy (now 4) and girl (now 2)! I just needed another newborn! It seems to get easier and go faster each time :). However, I am TOTALLY dreading recovering from my third c-section :(.
That alone will make this my last!

With children as cute and wonderful as yours, you should have another! :)

As for Curtis, that made my knees week. Bless him! For a grown man to hurt like that, you know it's bad! Still praying for full recovery for him!!

Amie said...

I have been having these same thoughts. I desire a "quiver full" however, I have never been able to conceive. Our children are adopted and wonderful. I just wish I could "make my own" LOL because the adoption process is such an expense. Even foster/adoption is emotionally taxing.

So glad Curtis is doing well.
After my husbands shoulder surgery, I was in charge of removing the pain pump. The instructions made it seem like gentle pressure would remove it. Nope. I relinquished that pleasure to the Dr. and was shocked at how brutal the process was. =)

Jennie said...

Oh, thank goodness! I thought I was the only waffler in the whole "have or have not" baby debate. Somedays I want one now, and others I don't even want to hear the word "pregnant".

Church Lady said...

Obviously you have been thinking about this alot to have that cute room picked out. It is about this time when most moms start thinking about another baby. Don't do anything rash or permanent. We felt very content after our second. My bff's husband got the snip, snip after their third. Now they regret it. Take it to the Lord in prayer before doing anythng.
Sorry, that advice was free.

JayCee said...

IT IS SOOOOOOOO NORMAL!

Kathy W said...

You are definitely normal. After 2 boys I was eager to have another one. My husband thought I just wanted a girl. After several months of soul searching I realized that I was perfectly fine with having another boy; I just felt like we needed one more. My husband is very analytical, math-minded, and doesn't "like odd numbers," so he kept saying if I had one more, I would have to have 2 more to make it even. I thought, "No I don't! 3 is perfect!" I soon became pregnant, was thrilled, happy, not sick one day. Then at 24 weeks we went for a "routine" sonogram, which my doctor didn't even really do on a regular basis back then, and low and behold, not 1 but 2 baby girls playing hide and seek in there!!! My boys were 2 and 4! Needless to say we were in shock! I was scared to death, and didn't handle the newborn phase very well, but made it through. Now we can't imagine not having any of them! And we even made it through 4 teenagers at once, without killing anyone, having a total breakdown, or divorcing! GOD IS ABLE!!!
In HIS Grip,

Amanda said...

Kathy W, that is so crazy! I love it!

annette said...

I'm more in the "can't wait for the grandkids" phase, but the drain thing, I can totally relate. Nothing better than getting it out, and nothing more painful. And I hate to tell you, but the doc didn't underestimate the pain, but in the interest of full disclosure felt no obligation to scare you. Know Curtis is glad to wear his shorts a little more comfortably! You all continue to be in my prayers for healing and "normal."

Taryn said...

I just have to say I have had the unfortunate experience of having a drain (ripped) out and it is every bit as much as what I would think an alien come out of your body would feel like- in fact I told my Dr that! LOL!

So glad Curtis got the drain out and he's on his way to recovery!!!

XOXO

Alice said...

I think it's totally normal. My mom tells me it's even worse when the youngest one goes to kindergarten. She gave this advice, "Just go plant some flowers." :-)

Lauren said...

Ugh, that sounds like quite the ordeal! But at least you guys are going to have some good stories to tell, though I'm not sure Curtis would say the experience was worth it!

Also, I am already going back and forth about more babies or no more babies. Mostly, I know we want more, but there are some days. . . .

Katie said...

I got through that same thing. Our Sarah Grace is 14 months and I go through that often.

Emmy said...

HI Amanda! I am so glad Curtis is better! I have been praying and have had you all on my heart!

I had 3 babies in a row... 1992,1993 and 1994 (I know I am old) but the thought of another just seemed crazy... my husband was in med school than had to do a 6 yr residency... he was never even home!

But God kept putting it on my heart... definitely on my husbands heart! I just kind of took a leap of faith... and in May of 1999 we had the most precious little girl! She has been nothing but a gift... especially now that the oldest three are teenagers (ughhh) I so appreciate that sweet 10 year old more than ever... and maybe when she hits her teens the others will have come back around! : )

You'll know! Emmy : )

Kristin said...

I'm so glad you asked the "is this normal" question. I have had fun reading all the comments. This is sooo me! But I have FOUR kids and they are now almost 11, 9 and twins age 6. I don't know if I'll ever get over wanting another baby. We are praying about adoption and just really seeking what God wants for our family. We just got back from Disneyland and seeing so many babies had me aching for one one minute and thankful I wasn't carting one around the next! I guess there's always grandchildren!!

Kristin said...

I'm so glad you asked the "is this normal" question. I have had fun reading all the comments. This is sooo me! But I have FOUR kids and they are now almost 11, 9 and twins age 6. I don't know if I'll ever get over wanting another baby. We are praying about adoption and just really seeking what God wants for our family. We just got back from Disneyland and seeing so many babies had me aching for one one minute and thankful I wasn't carting one around the next! I guess there's always grandchildren!!

Jody said...

Regarding wanting another baby...My children are 6, 8 and 10. My youngest is about to finish kindergarten. When she started kindergarten this year, I was really wishing I hadn't had my tubes tied and we would have had one more baby. Then my son's teacher from last year found out she was pregnant and asked if I would consider keeping the baby for her when she went back to work. The new baby is now 3 months old and I can absolutely without a doubt say: Our family loves him dearly, but I am finished having babies. For me, it is more of an adjustment lugging a carseat, diaper bag and stroller every where because I have not done that for a while. I was in diaper changing sleepless mode for about 6 years and now I am glad mine can all self buckle in the car. I had forgotten how much work babies are. I loved having my babies and have precious memories, but am no longer there. However, I think what you are feeling is normal. Maybe you could just babysit a friend's infant for a day. That will either bring the fever or cure it!

Joyful said...

Amanda, you're just the sweetest and I'm so thankful for your e-mail that directed me over here yesterday. It is refreshing to read such authenticity...although...being a visual girl, that whole 12-inch tube thing...ewww...guess I should have been warned by your disclaimer.

By the way...I think your feelings are very normal.
Blessings,
Joy

Allison said...

Girl, I just caught up on your blog and I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through this. As for the baby thing, I am so desperate to be preggers right now that I don't know how the rest of the world is not!!!! When the time is right, when the time is right. Hugs and prayers!

JeannieofVirginia said...

I had two boys about 20 months apart and I became pregnant again and really wanted another boy because I knew he was the last. After my third boy was born, everyone tried to talk me into making it permanent no more babies. But I just had that feeling that someone was missing and I just could not do it. Well ten years later we had our baby girl. Now I can say with a smile I'm done and I feel peace. You really just know when your family is complete.

Carrie Beth said...

Amanda - you are TOTALLY normal. I think you know when you are complete. I have 3 boys (6, 4 and almost 2). I still go back and forth about having a 4th child. My husband is ok either way - but he did say to me one day, "You know you can't just keep having more. At some point, we have to be done with having babies!". HA! Keep praying about it and God will answer you. I think the 3rd was my easiest transition and pregnancy/delivery if that is any consolation!
Sorry about CJ's drain experience....sounds like it was very painful!
cbmommymusings.blogspot.com

Jason said...

Poor Curtis! Jason had that done too and I couldn't believe how long that drain was. It just kept coming. So glad he is feeling better :)

Kari said...

I am with you totally... I waver now and then on having more children. SO, I just tell God that if we are to have another HE needs to do the blessing and surprise us because 90 percent of the time I am on the NO page!! I also remind Him that should He choose to surprise us, I would like my surprise EARLIER than later, like please no surprises when my baby is like 10 or older!!

Erica said...

I sure hope those feelings are normal, because I am right there with you!
I am so sorry that Curtis had to go through SO much pain. That's awful!
Take care, girl!

Alana said...

I'm one of those weird people that like anything that others feel are medically disgusting so I would have probably enjoyed it. And the foil wrapping just sounds like something a man would do =)
I'm totally with you on the baby thing! I cried the other day because I don't have one anymore!

Jenny said...

I wonder if you always feel the urge for another baby. I just had our fourth and through this last pregnancy must have told my husband one million times that I was DONE! Now he has an appointment this week to make permanent "done", and I'm looking at babies and thinking ohhhh, one more? Crazy.

MITZI said...

Amanda, I'll be 60 years old next month. I had a gynological (sp?) appt. a few weeks ago and sat around the waiting room with many pregnant women. When I got into the examination room and while waiting for the doctor to come in I was treated to many colorful charts showing the many stages of the pregnancy cycle. I kid you not, I had this strong desire to be pregnant again! I felt regret that I couldn't get pregnant anymore. I left the office wondering "What was that all about??"

Blessings to you,
Grandmamitz

Becca said...

OH, have mercy!!!! Amanda! I can not believe you had to see a 12 inch tube pulled out of Curt's stomach...or even that he had to endure that!

As for another baby, I have no wise words friend. But, I guess the answer will be clear for you in time. :)

courtney said...

Can I just tell you that months 12-24 were my absolute favorite times with my girl? Don't know if it's different with a boy, and I'll find out soon, but it was such a precious time with Moriah. You'll do great.

Jen said...

I bet you won't eat spaghetti ever again without thinking about that moment! haha! With my hubby's appendix nightmare (ya I'm the one that told you I made him do sit ups when the doc said he just had a virus...boo). When we were in the hospital, a nurse and EMT came in in uniform. She was so matter of fact and said we are here to put in your PIC line (the tube goes straight into your heart). We were like who is he and why is he here...will he need that guy? So scary like that scary chair you descirbed. We told them to leave and we needed to think about if it was the right thing to do. She was very put off and PTL it was the end of her shift and a new nurse came in alone. We told her we would go ahead but what was the risk and what was with that guy? She said he was just in training and wanted to watch!!! *Sigh* But I wished I never watched that procedure! I am not the squeamish type but now I am and can't look at that little scar on his arm without my stomach turning! I surely didn't watch it come out either! :)

As for the baby dreaming...I have that too and mine just stopped nursing and I miss it. Crazy! I think babies are just one way of experiencing God's glory and His creation and that is always alluring! So, you are just more spiritually inclined...*giggle*. :) Keep on...you're doing a great job!

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

{insert chuckles here}

Mommy Dot Com said...

We had five children when I felt this exact longing for another baby. I told the Lord that He knew me better than I know myself. Would I one day really regret not having another? I asked my husband if we could try just one time and leave it in God's hands. Bingo. Number six was born 9 months later, our Lily. I am amazed to this day. I had no idea how much our family needed this child. Perfect match. An eternal gift from God. And let me tell you the more children you have, the more exercise you're sure to get!

Bridgette Jencks said...

I can SO relate to the tube thing! I had surgery in February to remove cancer from my jaw. They sent me home from the hospital with a drainage back hanging from my neck. Beautiful, huh? After three days it was time to have it removed. HORRIFYING! Never have I experienced anything even close to that trauma! My husband nearly passed out. I think I may have blacked out for a minute. It took the doc two FULL STRENGTH pulls to get it out. Unreal. Mine was only about 6", but did I mention it was in my neck? I totally feel for you and Curtis. But the good news is - it's over!
Yes - totally normal to feel hot and cold about baby #3. Even after 2 precious little girls and just finishing up radiation (last treatment tomorrow!!!!!!!) I still wonder....

Deirdre said...

I guess I must be a total wimp - I almost puke when my boss tells stories about his wife's c-section. Yes I have a weird office.

anyway, I could never watch that. I can't even watch needles in my own arm! you are so brave to have looked and shared Curtis' pain.

Deirdre

Uncanny Colleen said...

Goodness! I had to bring Larry into the room to hear this one! He has since come up with several more uses for foil that might be considered "inconspicuous".

Still praying for complete recovery on a speedy timeframe.

Ali said...

Amanda,

My husband and I had a son, Cole and then a daughter, Ava and we thought we might be done but, God totally change both our desires and I'm so glad He did! Our 3rd blessing just turned "1" and boy oh boy is Jack the cherry on the top of our cupcake! :) His birth and my recovery were seriously much easier the 3rd time! :) Cole and Ava totally enjoyed their little baby brother! Jack has brought so much joy to our family! I say go for it: ask God to grow your family! My husband told me when we were considering whether or not to have a 3rd "Who at the end of their life wishes they didn't have another child?" He made a good point! We haven't regretted it for a single second! I think we are way more equipped to parent on this 3rd go around! Plus, I now know what a blessing all of it is and how fast it goes! I know you'll hear from God about what is best for your family! So no pressure from me! Just wanted you to know I remember thinking those same thoughts not too long ago! ~ Ali

Theresa said...

I'm a few days behind catching up reading the blog. Once I started to read the day's blog I just couldn't help myself and so I clicked the "this" link and I saw it. Two girls...and a girls room. Did you happen to think just for a second if your third wasn't that sweet girl sitting on the bed but if you had another......BOY??

I think there would be a different link in that there blog and it wouldn't be so pretty. Think girl, think!!!! I'd be resting in His perfect peace with the blessing of one of each and call the family complete!

Enjoy you and your blog!
Blessings! (Just not in the newborn I'm pregnant baby blessings sense :)

Theresa

WendyB said...

I think it's normal, and in my experience, it has lasted well beyond my "prime!" I had only one child, a daughter - loved pregnancy, loved mothering, loved everything about every day of it and still do. There's nothing like a newborn!! I fight baby urges to this day! I do regret not having more children, but not doing it was the right thing to do in a bad marriage. If things had been different, oh, BABY! And I agree with KathyW's husband - even numbers are so much easier - everyone has a seatmate on the Disney World rides!

Karen said...

for years, each time I wanted another child, my husband got me a puppy.(after all, there are certain similarities between puppies and babies. They have to be watched every minute, everything goes in their mouths, they don't sleep through the night and they have to be "housebroken")Anyway, I ended up with 5 dogs instead of seven children. (and honestly, most days, two children are enough. Like today. However, I'm kind of wishing that I could send the dogs off to college.)

Bev Brandon said...

Oh Amanda, I am so sorry for Curtis' pain and yours in the foiled drain story. Love your humor in the midst of life's difficulties. You do bring him good---Prov. 31:12. You are learning to laugh at the future in ways most young adults have no clue. It is because you live with such hope in a Good God and His Plan A for your lives! "Clothed with Strength & Dignity, you will laugh at the days to come" and bring much joy not judgment.

Molly said...

How about the uncertainty of when and if to start a family?? How did you know that God wanted you to be a mother and not spend your incredible gifts and resources being something else?

Any young married's out there feel me?

katiegfromtennessee said...

Hey Little Momma:)

I'm not sure what to say about this one, poor Curtis! That child's room decor was super cute:)...I don't know either about having many little ones. Because there were five of us, my mom let me and my older sister do alot of the feeding and diaper changes, etc. I think it helped her out a bunch, and I really think it helped prepare me for motherhood, somewhat:)

katiegfromtennessee

kari said...

I am so sorry you guys had to go through all this with Curt's pain. Man. On a different note...NO STINKIN' WAY! i have been eyeing that same PB girls room for my future girly room after the girls are a bit older and we don't need the nursery! hmmm...providental? i say go for it sister! it's sooooo worth it. i love love love being a mommy of three and it was a lot easier to go from 2-3 than from 1-2 or 0-1 kids b/c the older 2 can play with each other. I vote for the Jone's to have the honor of discipling another future worshiper!

jennyhope said...

I have really been struggling over here for the last year or so over trying to have another baby. It is such a huge commitment considering I throw up the entire time and have to go on bed rest in the hospital. That about broke me down last time. I didn't get to leave the hospital room for almost 2 months at one point. So yes! I hear you loud and clear. Ugh! Oh and I totally pass out at hospitals or when people are describing a surgical procedure. It is so embarrassing. When Rod broke his back I passed out over a gash on his forehead. I passed out in a hospital nursery over the nurse cleaning and umbilical cord. Someone once said I did it for attention and I am like WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD WANT TO GO THRU THAT!

lynsgirl said...

I used to struggle all the time about the baby thing. My husband didn't want more than 2 and I wanted at least one more. I got my "one more," but not when or how I wanted (dh deployed and 2 wks later, I found out I was - surprise!!!! - pg with #3). I struggle mightily while pg and the idea of being pg alone while taking care of 2 little kids almost did me in. When he was born, I said "that's it, I'm done. Never doing this again." Dh had a V when #3 was 2 mos old. I never, ever lost that baby wish or desire, but thought we'd adopt (maybe). When #3 was 3yrs old, God did a total number on my heart. Everything I read, everything I heard, you name it - it was all in. my. face. What was the message? That God was in control of our family. Not me. Not my husband. He was. I tried to ignore it, but He kept at me. Finally, I asked my husband to pray for me about this issue, because I was soooo struggling with it. A few weeks later, I brought it to my husband again, asking him where he stood on the issue. I told him that I didn't know where I stood, but I was pretty sure I knew where I *should* be standing :P. I'll skip a lot, but apparently God was working on him, too, because 1 yr later, he had a vas reversal. I want you to know that both he and I have had complete and utter peace about the whole baby/how many kids question ever since. 1 yr exactly to the day after his reversal, our 4th baby was born. God is so very, very good. Dh's original vasectomy was in October. His reversal was 4 yrs later in October and exactly a year later, so was the blessing of my sweet little man (ahem, excuse me - he's NOT little! He's 3.5 yrs old. He's going to be 4 and then 5! according to him, anyway ;)). I also have a sweet baby girl who is 1 month younger than Annabeth. God is definitely the one directing the size of our family and we are doing nothing to prevent and nothing to assist. My two babies so far with this non-method are 29 mos apart. I did not get pregnant until #4 was 20 mos old. #5 is 14 mos old and I'm still here, not pregnant lol.

Above Rubies is a great website for info about this whole issue. I just want to give you a big hug and tell you that it is completely normal to have baby longings. Thanks for sharing and sorry I was so wordy!