Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Bill's Will

Bill's will has not yet been broken. He escaped last night when a salesman from Verizon came to the door. I had not gone anywhere all day and was in a rather small tank top and holey jeans. I was holding my whining child to cover up my poor excuse for a shirt and trying to explain that this wasn't a good time. My husband was in the back room doing our taxes and couldn't be interrupted from his attempt to get as much money back as humanly possible. Bring it home, honey! And, sir, I'm not exactly dressed in such a way that I am going to stand on the porch in 50 degree weather and discuss fiber optic cables. Okay? At that moment Bill took advantage of my vulnerability and the wide open door and bolted outside. Look what you've done, Mr. Verizon! I was just trying to save the mockingbirds! He stammered and said he felt bad and wanted to catch my cat for me. Then he said, "He's declawed, right?" Um, no. But thanks so much. I did manage to get him back inside before he roughed up the birds.

Today Bill was pretty calm. He only bothered me at the door for a few minutes. I thought he was giving over to a sedentary lifestyle. But when I came home from Kroger's with ten grocery bags cutting off the blood supply to my hands, he took advantage of me again and bolted. I could hear the squirrels in our neighbor's yard discussing his presence. I wrangled him back in the house an hour later before it occurred to him to make a visit to the Christmas tree.

Bill's will is going strong. Hopefully he will not get a chance to meet up with Mama Bird's will. He might end up like one of those cats on America's Funniest Videos who gets dive-bombed by a bird and ends up winning its family ten thousand dollars. On second thought, where is that cat?

14 comments:

Sue said...

Ok, this is getting hysterical, I will be checking back continually to see what happens!

I love that his name is Bill, for some reason that cracks me up!

Cathy said...

Funny, funny, funny.

Loved your description of the "ten grocery bags cutting off the blood supply to my hands." Women in some parts of the world walk for days to get water. Making an extra trip or two to my car (parked 20 feet from my house) to carry in my prepackaged food and beverage is just too much! Must...do...it...all....in...one...trip...ouchhhhhhhh....

BooMama said...

I'm gonna keep praying for the Holy Ghost power to take over Bill's heart because have I mentioned that IT'S A SIN TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD? ;-)

p.s. I think Bill needs a blog.

jewlsntexas said...

I have a fat cat that keeps trying to get out right now because she is pregnant. Since we are new to Texas - I have visions of a huge-mongous snake eating her and her kittens when she goes under the house to birth them babies! Ugh.
So we are standing alert.
Why do those guys come to our doors?

The Preacher's Wife said...

I agree with BooMama, Bill needs a blog but better yet, you should get him Playstation's Dance Revolution. I am proud to say I can now get an 'A' on the Beginner Level of Kelly Clarkson's 'Since You Been Gone' thank you very much. They don't put 'Just As I Am' or 'I'll Fly Away' on DR. I don't know why. So a girl has to dance to what she can! I make the preacher so incredibly proud...:)

Still praying for Bill's salvation...You let us know when He ceases his striving and turns it all over to the Lord.

Busy Mommy said...

I am loving the Bill updates! Thank you so much for the shoe advice! I did finally find some, just in time for the big day!

Big Mama said...

Poor Bill. I'll be praying that he learns to love those mockingbirds with the love of Jesus.

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

Should you send Bill to military school? Sounds like he's testing his boundaries. Good thing you have access to a Love & Logic seminar soon.

Kelly said...

This is better than "Days of our Lives." Definitely more believable. We had a cat for 8 years, so I know that darn killer instinct never dies; my legs bear proof. I'll be praying for those baby mockingbirds!

Tammie said...

Oh Amanda! This is hilarious!!


tammie

Stephanie M. said...

Come on Bill, show us the money! ;)

erin said...

thanks for the prayer, amanda. ps, that picture on your lpm blog - oh my WORD he has his mama's eyes. i love it!

erin

Deena said...

I'm with Boomama...we need to hear from the witness...Oh, Bill?????

The Bloggity Goodness of a Cat Named Bill...

I can see it, I can see it!!

Kelly Fisher said...

Amanda - this sounds like the beginnings of a children's book - a funny children's book - and I am certain you can weave in all kinds of lessons from God in there, too!