Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The Bill is Gone

Bill has now been missing for more than 48 hours. Curt checked the animal shelters but they didn't have him. We'll probably try again tomorrow just in case. Yesterday Curt and I were really sad. I was surprised by how low I was and even more surprised by how low Curtis was. Of course, I do have perspective. I know this is only a cat. My world is not ending. I'm just sad that he's gone.

Today I've tried not to think about it too much. I don't want to keep wondering what on earth happened to him. My mind has imagined so many awful things. There's a group of Santeria-practicing people one town over who sued their city for trying to outlaw their animal sacrifices. Which means they are now allowed to do animal sacrifices. Even that crossed my mind.

If we never find him I have to believe two things:
A) In the words of Shelby on Steel Magnolias - Bill would have taken a few moments of wonderful over a lifetime of nothing special. He was not happy only being indoors.
B) He found a sweet elderly couple without any toddlers who would pinch him or pull his tail.

Curtis was so sweet to make some signs and hang them around the neighborhood. They were up for about an hour before it stormed...again.

We are having the worst weather. I won't even bring up what it was like on the day we went to camp and on the day we came home. Yesterday we had two separate rounds of bad storms. For the first one Jackson and I were out and about. I did okay with it, but not great. I was at the gym last night during the second one. I was taking cardio circuit and the whole time I was gazing out the windows. At one point I swear I heard the tornado sirens going off over the music. No one missed a beat, but of course I had to walk out and see if I was right. I wasn't. But then I could not stop shaking for several minutes. I knew that if a tornado hit the gym we would be in terrible danger from the free weights swirling around us.

What is my problem? This fear is taking over my life. Actually, it took over my life years ago and it's finally choking me to death. I don't know if it's getting worse or if I'm just getting abundant opportunities for it to flare up. I'm thinking about going to a counselor. Seriously! For my tornado-phobia! Are they going to laugh at me? I think I read in Marley and Me that they had to give their dog a tranquilizer any time it was about to storm. You know, Beckham is very much afraid of thunder. So maybe we should make a little trip to his vet. And maybe he will be nice enough to share the goods with me.

34 comments:

pinkmommy said...

Don't worry, you are not alone. I have an irrational fear of spiders. When I see one I actually visualize them all of the sudden growing to 20 feet tall and devouring me. My only weapon is Windex. I spray them till they die then wait patiently until my knight in shining armor comes home to clean up my victim...and weapon. He says I drowned them, so I would do just as good with water. I say it is the ammonia.

pinkmommy said...

Also, I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our dog last week. He ran out in front of one of our sweet neighbors. Bless her heart, I think she is more upset than we are.

Michelle said...

Manda since we are such good friends and I hate you feel bad about your fears I am confessing to you to secret fears... (well not so locked box now huh) I am a 27 yr old accomplished woman and I am afraid of the dark! WHAT! And... I HATE heights... and scary water... deep breathes now I feel better for confessing... I'm not so tough

Marc and Charity said...

Tornadoes are one reason I'm happy to be in Wales, no threat of severe weather. Actually I was watching a program on TV the other night and they did mention a tornado touching down not too far from here once and I just glared at my husband. I acted completely irrational most of married life while living in Euless during the spring storm season. I won't embarrass myself by telling all the things I would do during a tornado watch/warning.

Anyway, this is so strange to me...commenting on other blogs of people that I don't even know. I hope you don't mind.

Erin Ward said...

If I were you, and Bill was my cat... yes. My world would be ending. :)

Beau and Melissa said...

From an ol roomie who watched your rock in the middle of the night in our living room during storms in college...your days are numbered sweet friend; may His perfect love and plan cast out your tornado phobia! You're still in Irving Toto.

Finally an Abrigg..... said...

Amanda, I don't know you very well although I feel as if we are the same person on occasion.
Fear is a constant struggle of mine. One, that I definitely pushed under the rug until it came and sat right on top of that rug and stared me in the face!!! My sweet husband, the amazing man he is tells me to repent when I've created these lies in my head about staying home at night alone, tornado's, car wrecks, etc. He tells me that I need to repent for letting that take over my mind and believing the lies I have created in my head. DADGUM HIM! :) Then I get frustrated because he doesn't "understand." :) And, then I'm convicted. I don't trust God enough. I'd rather believe the enormous make believe stories I have made up in my head. I wish I was cured, but I'm not. The only thing I know to do when those things creep in is repent and replace those lies I believe about someone breaking in while Peter is gone, etc., with truth! Now, I feel like I'm struggling well. :)
Molly

{Karla} said...

after my first born was born, I went through a fearful stage. Suddenly I had someone else that depended on me and looked to me for protection. I couldn't read certain books or watch certain movies that before I had loved. They just reminded me of how fearful I was "supposed to be".

I totally get that.

Thankfully, the Lord delivered me from that.

Otherwise, my kids would have a VERY! sheltered life!!!

blessings,
Karla

Kelly said...

Such an honest post, Amanda. I think all of us have fears that could strangle us, if we give way. Maybe God is giving you a chance with your unsettled weather pattern to face this one down?

So sorry Bill didn't come home. Maybe he's found a girlfriend?

connorcolesmom said...

Amanda,
Oh I am so sorry about Bill. Maybe he is just roaming and will be back in a few days (we can always hope and pray)
Girl, I know about tornado fear. I have lived in the southeast all of my life and we have tornadoes all the time.
We had an F3 hit our area in March. I was in the hallway with my husband and 2 boys holding hands and praying. I could hear the tornado throwing things all around outside (some of which hit our house) I remember just being SOO scared but believing God would keep us safe.
When everything settled down and we got to go outside we realized our house was literally in the path of the tornado (it had gone right over our house). Our house was untouched (as if God had covered our house with His almighty hand - PRAISE HIM!!). Our neighbors all around suffered all kinds of damage. We had some very good friends that completly lost their house and our church was hit hard as well.
We all have our fears but this taught me that God is SOO much bigger than anything we fear!!
Much love sista,
Kim

ang baylis said...

Hi Amanda,

I am praying that Bill comes home!
Much love,
Angie

Shelly said...

I'm sorry about Bill.

And as for the tornadoes, I don't blame you! If it helps, I have this gigantic fear of being lost. I just moved, so we know what that means. I'm still trying to get over my extra hour journey to the post office yesterday ... I stayed lost for so long, I had to refuel the car. How sad is that!!? :(

Kay Altic said...

Manda...I am so sorry about bill...that is sad times...I remember when bill was first aroud as prada and then discovered to be a bill...so I was sad when I read that ya'll haven't been able to find him...know that we will be praying ya'll find him...seriously the altic's are sad, I know that is hard for you to believe since we aren't the most lovers of animals but seriously know we are experienceig sadness...especially because he has been apart of the jones fam. for so long...love you

RealEstateGirl said...

girl, you are not alone! When we first moved to Alabama and I heard the tornado siren, it freaked me out and I still get scared!

I don't play around and make sure my family huddles in the downstairs bathroom every time the siren goes off!

annie said...

I live in Oklahoma... several years ago a huge tornado went through and wiped out several towns... we were in this path. I have always been so scared of storms and especially tornados. Well, I took my kids to my parent's house (one block away) and we listened to the weatherman talk about this tornado leveling houses to the sub-floor. Then it happened... the power went off and it got dark. The sirens sounded, we were in the path. I took the kids in the hall and got under a mattress with them. I had to be strong so the kids wouldn't panic. I told them that God was watching over us and we each prayed while we huddled under that mattress. That tornado barely missed us! Since that night I am over my fear. I know God is with us and watching over us and I am not afraid. I hope that you can overcome your fear too.
♥~annie

Breathing His Joy said...

I hope Bill returns home or has at least found a sweet place to hang for a while.

I'll be praying about your fears of tornadoes. I understand the feelings that can over take you with those kind of fears. I have numerous ones that I am working through, stay strong with the Lord's comfort girlfriend!

annie said...

Beckam might do well with a Benadryl. You can ask your vet how much, but our springer goes nuts with thunder, and she gets a Benadryl when I can get to her before the storm. Just a thought...better than doggie Prozac.

The Van Fam said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Bill. I understand. We had a dog wander off a few months ago and I felt so awful because I'd said some mean things about getting rid of him a few days before.

Cat or not...it's tough!

About the tornado fear...I'm sure you're not alone. I've always had a HUGE fear (at one point it did seem to take over my life) of being kidnapped. This has caused me to never walk around the block with JD during the day....no parks alone...and no shopping after dusk. I also lay awake for hours some nights waiting to hear the alarm go off or glass to shatter. It's awful and something I've considered seeking professional help for numerous times!!

BooMama said...

I'm so sorry about Bill AND the bad weather. Bless your heart!

Travis said...

Dang! I am sorry about Bill.

Nise' said...

So sorry about Bill. Also, I feel for the people who where watching him! I just fnished watching two wonderful dogs for 11 days and I kept telling them please don't run away, hurt yourself or die on my watch! They were very obedient! But man, am I glad their mom and dad are home!

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

I'm still thinking Bill got seduced by a lovely lady cat, and her owner is feeding them treats all day long. I hope I'm right--maybe he just needed a vacation. We're still praying he'll return, and praying that you'll stomp your fear of this crazy weather. (And hopefully it won't be so crazy anymore.)

annie said...

One more thought about your fear. Mine kicked in a hundred times worse after having a baby. I think the mom instinct of protection just went into overdrive. I couldn't go to a baseball game for fear a ball would hit us for a while. Our tickets were right off of third base, but it was so bad, I really couldn't enjoy myself. It did go away or lessen dramatically, I should say. Hope this is a word of encouragement. And on the note of Bill: our cat loves evenings out, and once he didn't come home for over a week-first and last time he has done that, but we were certain he was gone, and he turned up--and he obviously hadn't missed a meal. So I wish the same for all of you. Take care, dear one.

Cindy said...

I think there is something about being a mommy that can intensify our tendancy to fear. All the sudden now there are so many MORE things that could harm our babies! The first few years I was a mom I worried about everything from hurricanes to coffee tables. (Surely she'd lose an eye on the corner!) So we watched the weather channel and I ditched having a coffee table for years. And prayed.

I don't know if it lessens as they get older, but it seems like it...I'm not as captive to fears now. God's done a work there! Praying for you today!

Anonymous said...

Don't, I repeat don't be so hard on yourself! Being a mom brings out a protective hormone/ gene that just wreaks havoc on us. You are not alone.
Sorry about Mr. Bill. Hang on and Hang in there sister.

Busy Mommy said...

I am so sorry about Bill. Yes, just a cat, but a part of your life, too. Sometimes God keeps bringing up that one thing that He wants us to give up all the time so we completely trust in Him. I think the comment about fear because you have someone to protect now might be it. Just another way God teaches us mommies to trust in Him. And He won't let up until we do. I had a lot of fears when I first had Noah...I decided it's an excercise in trust. Kind of like we get flabby if we don't excercise, so we do. God helps us not get flabby in the trusting area, so he excercises our faith. Not that I'm great at the trusting thing all of the time, I just know that is what God is working out in me.

WillBlog said...

I don't think you're alone in the whole "weather" thing! I'm just fearful of everything since becoming a mommy. I'm constantly picturing in my head how whatever situation I'm in could go terrible wrong. I really should get some help!

And, I'm sorry about Bill.

sim said...

I dream about tornados a lot...

My parent's golden retriever has to be "sedated" every time there is even a threat of rain. That dog has torn through a metal crate, ripped a door frame off of the wall and torn up carpet. He's psycho in bad weather...and permanently doped up.

My "phobia"? Along with being petrified of heights (can't even handle walking by a ledge on the 2nd floor), I think gravity is going to give way and we'll all be hurled to the ground. This really comes in to play when snowboarding/skiing or riding the escalator at the mall. Worst mall? THE GALLERIA!! My stomach drops just thinking about it!

Susan said...

Amanda. Our kitty, Tux, snuck out of the house one Thursday morning and didn't wander back until late Saturday evening. Hungry and dirty, but happy to be home. We had just said to each other, "well...he's gone for good this time." He's back to clean, fat and happy. But he still keeps eyeing that porch door, just waiting for the right opportunity...

I hope Bill is just too ashamed to come home before he's REALLY hungry and dirty and wet!

CrownLaidDown said...

Praying today for Bill to come home....got it in my heart to do so!

Rebecca Shelton said...

Well, I will have to say I am sad about your kitty!!
My sister's dog got lost twice (once kind of my fault on Thanksgiving). The Lord gave us that dog back twice. I have prayed your Bill will come back! I think it is sweet Curtis made signs. As for the weather, I do enjoy the rain when I am inside under some blankies. I was at the Pier 1 clearance store the other night and the clouds were so low and black. I found it in my best interest to drive straight home and end my shopping. As I was driving, I kept thinking that I hoped a tornado was not following me down Beltline.

Susan said...

And a thought on fear...

There is nothin' like becomin' a momma to make one realize just how big, bad and scary the world is. But, that's the world. Just yesterday, as I watched our 17 year old head out to the Shenandoah River with his best buddy, our associate pastor (who's only a baby himself...23) and our 11 year old, I had to restrain myself from running after to drag my youngest back into the safety of my arms. I had already made noises to my husband that Brett couldn't go...who would watch him? Visions of him begin knocked over by the current and swept away kept running thru my brain (never mind that they only fish in a calm, low spot). My husband and I were too ill to go (food poisoning, ugh). I heard just as loud as can be, "Do you trust Me?" Uh....yes? "Do you trust Me?" Yes! Yes, I do trust You. "He is mine. I love him. I will protect him." And I felt such calm and peace. Sometimes that happens. Other times, I go into full-blown panic mode. The times I listen...I'm calm. The times I don't...panic. I'm praying you are picking the listening more than the panic!

Hugs...

Angie said...

Amanda....I cannot say I have cornered the market on conquering fear....in fact once I feel I have a handle on things, something else crops up...but go here and read this http://good-knights-news.blogspot.com/2007/03/my-two-little-angels.html
then read this
http://good-knights-news.blogspot.com/2007/06/he-cant-take-over-until-you-let-go.html
Again, I haven't got it all figured out, but I know WHO does. YOU do too....I think of you all often and pray. God is using you all to do a great thing in many!
Keep it up!

Helen said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Bill. He is more than "just a cat" He is definitely a part of your family. I definitely feel your sadness, hopes and prayers that he will return home safely.

Bella has no problems with thunder storms. She just sleeps right through them. Or we will go to the window together and watch the storm. Now Bella does have a problem with chewing rocks! Sound like something both inherited from their parents.