Thursday, June 07, 2007

Really?

So lately on another blog which will remain nameless, I've read a few comments expressing how much my child looks like his grandmother. Really? REALLY? How is it that 80% of the time I'm told how much he looks like his dad, but somehow he looks like my mother? Not me...my mother. I really don't mean to hurt any feelings, but this is a mystery to me.

I don't know. Maybe it irks me in the same way that it irked me when someone once said, "Amanda! When are you going to MAKE A BABY for your mom?"

I will not even expound on how much that statement disgusted me. I've always wanted to do a post about inappropriate questions I've been asked. That, folks, is my numero uno!

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

Delurking long enough to tell you that I have no clue what people are talking about -- that child is your spittin' image (as we say here in the south).

And, I also think you SHOULD write a blog about your favorite inappropriate questions. How about the Top 100? ;-)

Patty said...

Amanda,
I am in total agreement with you! I am not trying to be rude but people shouldn't say that to you. You don't make a baby for your mom. Ok, I will be quiet. I really think Jackson looks like a combination of his daddy and mommie. At any rate, Jackson is a cutie and he is a happy baby boy! The things people ask. Those are the times God has to place his hand over my mouth. I am sure we have all had moments like that! At any rate, I hope you have a great weekend!!

RealEstateGirl said...

I don't think he looks anything like your mom. I haven't seen pics of your hubby, but I think Jacks looks just like you! Big bright eyes, big bright smile!

My mama's advice on answering an inappropriate question was to say this,

"I'll forgive you for asking if you'll forgive me for not answering!"

...and, I have to use it a time or two! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I also do NOT think he looks anything like your Momma. I think that YOU look like your Momma, and Jackson's smile is big and bright like yours, so maybe in that way, he looks like her... I still think it's a stretch.

I think he looks like himself. Jackson is Jackson. His own person. I do think his eyes and forehead are similar to Curt's, but he's still his own person with his own look.

People just say silly things. Maybe that person just didn't know what else to say?

I wanna see the top inappropriate questions, too! :)

Love ya,

Jen said...

All I know is that kid is cute. Way cute! And he looks like you and your hubs.
The inappropriate questions would be hilarious to hear! I can only minutely compare it to the information grilling that I got growing up a minister's kid. Yes, I probably know everything that's going on in the church. If I was allowed (or wanted) to tell you I would have. So leave me alone. And by the way, I have a name (not just "(My dad's name)'s daughter". Actually having my own name was a little of a shock in college! :)

kittyhox said...

I think he looks like YOU. I fact, if you'll recall, I said just that on my comment on your last post. (Just going for brownie points, here). :)

My son looks almost exactly like I did at his age and my in-laws still claim he looks like his Dad. Hello! I have photographic evidence (of both of his parents), and this child is practically my clone! I don't say that, of course. I just smile sweetly and think, "You're bonkers." My mother in law even pointed out that his hair is kind of red, just like her grandfather's brother. His hair is the EXACT same color as mine. Redheads run in my family. But no. I'm sure he got his reddish hair from her side of the family.

I don't think people realize how sensitive we moms are about this kind of thing. And I love realestategirl's mama's line. I'm going to memorize and use it! :)

Jamie Baker said...

Hey Amanda! I've been reading your blog for a while now and LOVE it! You are so funny and have a great way with words.

Anyway...I think Jackson looks like his daddy mostly and you some.

I'm with ya on the rude statements. My son is 9 months old and everyone seems to want to take his pacifier out of his mouth and tells me he doesn't need it. What's up with that?!

Big Mama said...

I always think he looks just like you, but I think you look like your mama...so it's all a big cycle.

I would love to see a list of inappropriate questions.

Shelly said...

I hear the frustration in your voice (typed words) and it made me giggle! Not b/c I am not concerned with your VALID frustration, but it just seems to call for one of those hands on your hip moments, so I hope you were venturing to take that posture.

I'm so sorry for the inappropriate questions. I think the latter one you referenced made me cringe a little!

He's absolutely beautiful. Of course he resembles you and your man. He's all yours girl. All yours.
(I'm afraid that might be one of those frustrating moments where you are the 'daughter' instead of who you really are. Bless you sister.)

Anonymous said...

Um, delurking. Jackson looks nothing like your mother. He's a perfect blending of you and Curtis. Of course, I've only seen pictures...but I definitely do not see your mother in his face. :0)

I, too, would enjoy reading a post about your favorite inappropriate questions.

Cindy said...

Oooh, bring on the questions for us! The most inappropriate question I've been asked... I was pregnant and had three girls ages 3,1 ,and 10 mos and someone asked me if I thought we'd "get it right this time and have a boy." It is nearly seven years later and I could still throttle someone when I think about it!

BTW, Jackson is commercial-worthy cute and you are commercial-worthy pretty, so yup, I say he looks like his momma.

Breathing His Joy said...

Amen Sister Friend!!!! :)

CrownLaidDown said...

I'm so sorry, Amanda. I think Jackson looks like Jackson...a mix of you and Curt and cute as can be!

Still prayin' for Bill to come home.
Love ya!
Holly

Jackie said...

yeah... i know inappropriate questions...they make you have to grit your teeth not to say something not nice back!!

lately mine has been "aren't you going to have another baby soon since both your sisters are, so you can be equal" as if I WANT to be equal. I just had a miscarriage last week and this question is ESPECIALLY bothersome to me right now. UGH- don't people get it. We are our OWN people, and can do things on our OWN time and for ourselves.

okay...going off on a tangent now..maybe i shall blog on that later :-)

anyways...i think jacks is a cutie, no matter who he looks like.
-Jackie

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

My mother-in-law told me the 4D sonogram picture of Ava looked like herself! I think I still need therapy about that.

BooMama said...

Oh, bless your heart - it's always so much fun to get no credit at all for your child's appearance. :-)

By the way, A. was looking over my shoulder when I was reading your post, and I said, "Hey, little man. Do you think Jackson looks like Miss Amanda?"

And he said, "OH, YES MA'AM, MAMA!"

So there you have it. Straight from a four year old expert. :-)

Shelly said...

After thought: a questions often presented to me that brings with it an automatic shoulder cringe...

"So, I hear you recently graduated! Congratulations! From which highschool was it?"

(Sigh....)

That would be 'college' b/c I'm twenty-stinkin'-four woman!!!

So sad!

Blessed Assurances said...

Don't you hate that!?! Hubby and I are trying for a baby so when we get the "when are you having a baby?" I just want to say we're trying and it ain't happening so just yet so please refrain from mentioning it again. Got enough stress working for me here, mmm-kay!"

And how about this? You look like your mom and Jackson looks like you. And he is the cutest thing ever!

Lindsee said...

Looking at the pictures of your Bluebell and Bluegrass night, I think he does look just like his daddy...with a littlle mix of you!! :)

He's precious! That's all that matters, right?!

Since I am tall, 6', in high school I was always asked which volleyball team I played for! Are you seriuos?! My reply was always, "Ummm...yeah, I am physically challenged. I run from the ball!" I STILL get that question, ALL THE TIME!!! AHHHH!!

annie said...

I've probably done it a few times, too, but there are IDIOT questions to which we don't have to respond, or my favorite to say, is "Now what would make you say something like that?" Nothing like returning a question with a question...might make them THINK a little! I can't imagine what you put up with and then have to be NICE about it. You really are a sweetie even when you wouldn't have to be. And one cute son you have!

connorcolesmom said...

Amanda,
Oh that blog made me LOL and my husband just gave me the funniest look - hehe!!

People are so quirky and they say the quirkiest things (I know b/c I am guilty of such and have been caught with a foot or two in my own mouth)
Seriously though I think people try too hard. God bless you I know you must put up with a lot.

I think we should all memorize the line from realestategirl - "I'll forgive you for asking if you'll forgive me for not answering!"
Oh that is soo good :)
Much love,
Kim

courtney said...

here's a few inappropriate questions for you:
so are you planning to breastfeed? (by a man)
are you breastfeeding? (also by a man)

it gets under my skin for some reason every time my mother in law tells me that my daughter looks "exactly like mike." she calls her "little mikey" sometimes. she's right - moriah looks just like him, but she always makes it sound like i had nothing to do with it. sometimes i want to say, "your son didn't carry this baby for 9 months. your son didn't throw up for 6 weeks straight every morning. your son didn't go through labor." but i hold my tongue, because that too would be inappropriate.

and people have also told me that she looks like my mom. seriously? come on, now.

Kelly said...

For what it's worth, I think Jackson looks EXACTLY like his Daddy. It's frightening, actually.

(And this from a women who's firstborn takes after her Ameri-Asian daddy. When people usually see me with my daughter they smile and look puzzled. As soon as they see my husband, they give a big sigh of relief and say, "OH! OK. Now I get it.")

(Oh, and my mother-in-law? Who adopted my husband? She's pretty sure her no-shared-blood grandchildren look just like her. Wadda gonna do?)

Addie said...

Ugh! That kinda thing drove me NUTZ when I had my first. I thought she looked a lot like me, but I got no credit. Nada! I used to say, "Boy I'm sure glad I was there when she was born, or I'd wonder if I had anything to do with it!" Now people tell me she's my clone ... so there you go! I think when they're so young, people just see what they want to see.

My top inappropriate question is in regards to my middle child, she's fair complected and petite, the complete physical opposite of her sisters, as well as her dad and I. People ALWAYS give me this look, all in joking of course, and say "Where did she come from?" Don't they realize what they're implying???

Our mouths get us into more trouble!

ang baylis said...

Everyone just LOVES anything having to do with your mother, so they need something clever to say! Honestly, I don't care who he looks like because I think he is REALLY the most beautiful boy I have ever seen! And... he (usually) looks so happy and content! I can tell by the look in his eyes (from any pictures I've seen) that you are both amazing parents!

Thanks for putting up with all of the inappropriate questions you must have to deal with. I have been known to say some really stupid things in my day!

P.S. Your friend Sunni totally cracked me up!!!!!

-Angie

MamaCass said...

Oh Amanda I know where you are coming from. I hear it all the time-how Tobey looks like his Daddy. And just yesterday an old friend of mine who hasn't seen Tobey in over a year said "he is starting to look like Pat"! I love my MIL but really. However, lately I have been hearing that he is starting to look more like me and my heart silently leaps with pride. I carried him for 10 months and endured great pain and gave up my own freedon I feel I deserve a little credit. As far as Jackson is concerned he may have his Daddy's eyes but he has his Momma's beautiful smile.

The Preacher's Wife said...

My MIL used to tell me my firstborn looked just like my sis-in-law (her daughter)...oh good grief! Hello??! What was I? An insignificant incubator? (I'm not bitter, really.:)

I would have been happier if they told me he looked like a chimpanzee. No mom wants to be told her child looks nothing like her!

You totally have grounds for righteous indignation on this one..:))

Anonymous said...

I have always thought he looks SO MUCH like you. I do agree with Big Mama, however, that you look like your mama...so as she said, it's a big cycle. I get that ALL THE TIME...80% think my 2 yr old looks just like my mom...the other 20% say my husband. A few have thrown my dad in the mix...a small few have even dared to throw my in-laws in the mix...really? I love my in-laws, but please don't tell me that! So, somehow I get totally lost in the mix...a wee bit FRUSTRATING. But, I also get told a whole lot how much I look like my mama.

I, too, think there needs to be a post on totally inappropriate questions! It would be a public service. :)

Love,
Sarah, TN

pinkmommy said...

Bring on the list!!!

My princess looks a lot like her daddy. I hear all the time that she looks EXACTLY like her mommy. I am not dillusional people, I realize she doesn't look like me. Of course, my dear sweet mom-in-law says she looks EXACTLY like her...I don't know about EXACTLY.

Does your mom ever leave comments here? I could swear that one of those anon is her. :)

Dana said...

On behalf of my four children...THANK YOU! They are too kind to tell me off, but they should have MONTHS ago. I guess sometimes a Mom needs to hear it from a different perspective for it to sink in.

Here is how stupid I am, although dating,none of them are married and none of them are really ready to raise a child right now. They are all building their careers and following the dreams God placed in their hearts. I never realized that my playful comments and questions about grandbabies and the future could be offensive to them and make them feel pressured. I realize now that those comments can be so hurtful and damaging to our realtionship. Why would I do this?

My husband and I have 2 nieces and a nephew here in our city with 9 children between them...all under the age of 7...and 2 more on the way! We have plenty of opportunities to pretend to be grandparents. For now, play dates are just fine.

Thanks Amanda. I appreciate the cold water in my face, so to speak.

Anonymous said...

I am pregnant, and my mom keeps referring to our baby as "my baby," as if it's hers. That kind of annoys me. I'm a little afraid I'm going to be smothered by her attention once the baby arrives. I know it's all in love and excitement, but it sure does get overwhelming sometimes!

Janet (aka "JT") said...

I know I'm late posting here, but let me tell you, people see what they want to see when it comes to kids and who they look like. My Dad died when I was 9; my mother remarried, and the man she married adopted my sister and me and raised us as his own. When my oldest was born, we took him to my Dad's office to show him off and my Dad's secretary said, "Oh, Mark, that baby looks just like you!" My sweet Dad cried for days over that, and there was no way I was going to correct anyone over that comment. It was just really precious.

In reality, however, all 3 of my kids look EXACTLY like their father. Exactly. He's tall, dark, and handsome (brown eyes, tans easily, dark hair) and I am a freckle-faced redhead. NO ONE EVEN KINDA LOOKS LIKE ME. In fact, my hubby is a pediatrician, and anytime we've ever visited him at the hospital, nurses and docs I've never met will know who we are solely based on how my kids are the spitting image of their Dad.

All of this to say, I feel your pain, sister. And let me tell you, my mother is not exactly a much-loved and adored Bible study leader, but SHE HERSELF used to ask when I was going to give her a baby. I've got 3 kids now with one on the way. She has FINALLY stopped asking.

Anonymous said...

i just finished reading a book where the author related a hasidic saying= God let's us be grandparents so that we can get a glimpse of what creation must have been like"...i think that's what the lady must have meant...you are giving us all a "glimpse" when you share these pictures...

Anonymous said...

you could just settle matters and have Jackson take that look-a-like-test-game-thing that we all played with about 2 months ago!!!

jennyhope said...

I am in agreement with you. I just posted on the inappropriate things people can say while you are going through a crisis or grieving a few days ago. I call them "Job's friends"!
My husband said yesterday that Jackson looks just like you!

jennyhope said...

Oh and here are some good questions that I have noticed from ministry work in the Singles and marrieds.

To the single person: So, when are you getting married?

I want to respond for them (especially when there is no man in sight)"If I stinking knew...you will be the last to find out!"

To the newly married (just back from the honeymoon):
So, when are two having kids?
Give me a break

I can remember being in the singles dept at my church and i never thought that I wouldnt get married until I got around the singles and then all of the sudden there was this crisis of where is my husband. I had to quickly regroup and get away from that kind of desperation.

After our first daughter died I had a girl (a couple of days after Shelby died) sit in my kitchen and say, "Do you think I should get on anti-depressants? I am so depressed that God has not brought my husband." I thought surely I am having an out of body experience and she is not really sitting here asking me this.

Then don't you love when you are in the middle of a crisis and someone comes along who you can tell hasn't been through much of anything...they shout out a quick Romans 8:28 and then tell you God won't give you anymore than you can bear (which is so misused since it is talking about temptation not trials...who started that saying anyway?) and they slap a bow on you and send you your merry way?

More recently there was a lady who's husband was dying. He was young and they were not believers. The man was her step-dad and she told her mom that the Lord was going to cut down anything that didn't bear fruit so that is why he was dying. I could not believe it! Who says that kind of stuff???
Sorry for the venting...I had just posted on my frustrations with that.
Oh and one more..I will tell my daughter "No one loves you like Jesus and your mommy." And seriously some of my in-laws will try to tell her they love her more than I do. It cracks me up!!

Deena said...

Personally, I think Jackson looks like Jackson! He'll look more like one of you as he gets older...that happened to our middle daughter...now, she looks more like me!

As for the other question...what in the wide, wide world were they thinking?!?!?!?!

R said...

I read a blurb recently about a mom who'd just given birth and was mad because her MiL kept gushing about how the baby looked just like its daddy (her son). One of the suggestions of how to put MiL in her place was by saying, "That's not possible...he's not the baby's father".

I love that!

annie said...

I have four kids... I have been told that each of them look just like me, that two of them look like an aunt, that one of them looks like her dad, that one looks like the paternal grandfather. It's just funny to me. I really think they look like themselves, which is just a mix of us all really. Another thing that is interesting to me is that everyone says my oldest daughter (16) looks like my twin. When I post her picture I hear that a lot too, even in person... people stop us and ask if we are sisters. Now, that isn't a bad thing when you are in your later thirties and you are compared to a 16 year old, but I really truly don't see it. I just smile and say thank you, regardless of who they are compared to in the family.

Beth Anne said...

Okay, I am new to your blog (although I love the LPM blog), but as I read this post, I had to laugh. The first time I saw pics of Jackson on the LPM blog, I thought to myself how much he looks like his momma.
I have 2 boys ages 3 and 5 and everyone (except my mother) says they look just like their daddy. It really irritates me when my husbands family says it (like I dont exist - hahaha - not really, but you get the picture).
The sad thing is that you carry these kids for 10 months (40 weeks divided by 4 = 10 months - where did this nine month junk come from anyway?) and then they come out looking like someone else.
I guess the point is that as long as they act like their Heavenly Father, it is okay that they look like their earthly father.
Can I ask a totally stupid question? Why is your blog called Baby Bangs? Is there some story behind the name that I have missed?

Sheila said...

I promise I was just about to write and say how much Jackson looks like your husband! People are crazy girl.
First time to this blog. I love it!