I would like to be blogging about the super fun day I've had with my son while Curt was speaking at a youth retreat. Not so much. It's a good thing I had my quiet time today. Although honestly I can't tell that I did. I'm in a very intense mood and if a smile comes over my face it was put there by force. I just know I would be feeling even worse if I hadn't met with God first thing.
Today has been a major battle of wills between Jackson and me. I should have known what kind of day it was going to be when, during breakfast, I looked over at Jackson in his high chair and saw him squeezing his banana with both hands. He smiled at me so slyly. It wasn't the action as much as the expression on his face that was the indicator of trouble ahead.
Basically, my son woke up with a hard heart and not one consequence he's faced all day has softened it. As soon as the sting of one consequence fades, the spirit of defiance comes right back. I've tried all my tricks and then some. Today nothing is working. He's not learning from any of it.
This has got me thinking about the difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow, which Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 7:8-10:
Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
Meanwhile I can't stop looking at the clock, wondering why 7:00 is taking so very long to get here. Today's been a battle, and I feel that I'm winning, but I'd rather not have had to fight it in the first place.