Thursday, April 30, 2009

Woe is Me

I don't even know what to say. I want to sit on my couch and stare at the wall. Have you read my sister's post today? Have you been keeping up with any of the other Compassion bloggers? Honestly, I feel embarrassed and sad for myself. I feel nauseous. I feel a little like the Prophet Isaiah when he saw the Lord and was devastated over his impurity.

Woe is me! I am ruined! For I am a woman of materialism and greed, and I live among a people of materialism and greed, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.

And I know that when I see my sister in a couple of weeks, she will not be the same. I don't want to be the same either. God, help me overcome my addiction to this world.

80 comments:

Joanne (The Simple Wife) said...

Oh Amanda,

Amen, and amen.

What a gift to be changed along with Melissa!

Joanne

Marla Taviano said...

Praying for you, praying for me. Love you, friend!

Mocha with Linda said...

Amen.

Cheri-Beri said...

Like I commented in Melissa's blog - I have no words. I'm getting ready to post a blog about how heavy my purse was because of all the junk I had in it. And that's just what it is . . . . . junk!

Melanie said...

You said it so well! Right there with you! Her posts are GETTING TO ME! Where it hurts. Yes, Lord, save us from our addiction to this world!

lavonda said...

amen.

I just wrote that in my comment a minute ago over there...
I'm just sitting here and staring.

no words.

Lisa said...

I think I'm staring at the same wall, Amanda. I, too, don't want to be the same. And I'm only viewing it all through pictures. Suddenly, my cozy little dissheveled, kid-run house seems like a gleaming palace. I feel like if I ever complain again, my soul won't stand up for me. I can only imagine how Melissa is feeling right now.

Blessings to you,; you are a blessing to so many!

Holly said...

I don't know if you read it, Amanda, but just a few weeks ago, I wrote something that has been my prayer the last couple of weeks. I have been praying, "Lord, I want to love you more than this world." And I meant it.

Praying that we all catch the flame and passion of Christ's love through the unbelievable stories in India. Praying we'd be willing to go, willing to serve, like your Melissa.

Erin said...

I was just coming on here to say that it was fun meeting you in person (I've been reading your blog for a while) at Nordstrom today. That seems terribly inappropriate now!

I did start to read your sister's post earlier and had to tag it for later - couldn't handle it while I was at work. Will read and ponder tonight with a box of kleenex for sure.

KK said...

I think we'll all be forever changed because of your sister's trip. Reading the stories she's written and the ones written by the rest of her team has been very emotional, but something we've all needed to 'see', dig deep and pray about.
After losing everything in a fire in '05, I replaced a purse I had pre-fire a few weeks ago. Granted, I bought it used this time, but I still cannot use it, mostly because of thinking about the 'things' of this world. Oh, how they matter not!
Please hug her for all of us for her open and honest posts.
Blessings today and always,
Kaye
Matthew 21:22

Bobbie said...

It sounds like we're having the same reaction to Melissa's posts. It's really grabbed my heart and doesn't seem to want to let go!! And I don't want it too! These children are beautiful and when she said that a 6 month old laid on a bed all day--ALONE--shook this Grandma from head to toe. I can't even imagine.

Hug your kiddos for me, I'm really missing my granddaughters right now--big time!

Bobbie

Bethany said...

Praying for you and me. I feel the same after reading that post.

Lora said...

Amen.

Sarah said...

I'm thinking those same things, Amanda. When reading what everyone is writing about their time in India...when seeing the pictures...there just isn't a way to stop the tears from forming in my eyes or the weight that presses on my heart.

Britany said...

I'm not sure which was the hardest part - the prostitutes or the six month old left alone all day. Probably the baby, since I have young children. Still can't really digest it all.

Britany

AKat said...

Thank you, Amanda, for this post. I'm praying for all of our hearts and the ones Melissa is touching at this very moment, all over the world.

Alana said...

I was just sitting here this morning complaining to Eric about how I wanted a new comforter for the bed...wow. Really puts in all in perspective.

JottinMama said...

Oh Amanda. I HAVE been keeping up with your sisters updates - and I am a life that is changed just by reading her posts. I'm completely broken. Unbelievable.

Praying to overcome my addiction to the world right along with you,
Kate

Heather said...

Amanda- I just blogged about this SAME THING and have just been overcome by it today. I want to be changed for good, too.

Lauren said...

Well said as always.

Holly said...

Amen! Beautifully said.

twinkle said...

I read...
The tears dripped on my keyboard...
And I put my head down on my desk at home, my blessed home, and just wept.

Still tearing up over this.

But I'm praying for those who are poor and destitute. And thanking Him more for the way He has blessed me so.

Don't you feel God drawing us towards SOMETHING?!?

HisTreasuredPossession said...

yes yes and yes.

amen amen and amen.

Every time I read anything about it or see someone else reference Melissa or Angie's posts today, I get choked up.

yes, Jesus. change me.

Catrina said...

Sometimes I get scared of what the Lord will have to do to break my addiction to this world and the desire for a comfortable life. The spirit is willing...the flesh is weak. Why do we forget we are more than conquerors? We just have no idea how gracious our God is to put up with us...it's down right shameful how hard I think I have it some days...
Oh, Lord Jesus, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Ps 19:14)
Blessings, Amanda! I'm praying for Melissa & her safe return.

Fran said...

Amanda...
I got sick to my stomach as I read Melissa's post. I sat on my comfy couch in my fabulous house watching tv on a flatscreen. I got sick.

I am trying to figure out the balance and desperately asking God for "something" that I can't even articulate.

Lindsee Lou said...

Amen times ten.

I finally got my compassion child. Could I have waited any longer?! My heart was just a puddle.

Sharon said...

Oh Amanda,

I do believe with all my heart that we, who have gotten to walk alongside Melissa, will be changed forever. Thank you for sharing! You are a blessing!

Much love,
Sharon, NC

Jessie said...

a very sweet and sincere post - we all have issues the Father is helping us deal with.

Shari said...

I posted on LMP site as well...have you ever been more proud of your sister, her courage, and her honesty? I am UNDONE by what the bloggers are writing. BROKEN and asking God what to do with it all. The perspective has been a huge gift in what I thought were tough times. What I am facing is NOTHING compared to that precious, beautiful girl Kiran. Walking in circles this afternoon because I simply do not have a paradigm - want to sell all I have (or even a fraction of what I have) and create some kind of equality as Shawn wrote about!

Georgia Jan said...

Amanda: You are so very precious - thank you sweet girl.

I don't know what to say either - but I feel so ashamed and so blessed at the same time.

I love your prayer - "God help me overcome my addiction to this world." Amen.

Love you -
Georgia Jan

Callie said...

Amen to your sister's post! Hopefully, through her posts, just 1/4 of what she is living and seeing now permeates through to the core of us as well!

kittyhox said...

Woe is me, too. I just don't know what to do with myself.

Heather said...

Amen girl, amen.

lori said...

well said

Lauren Kelly said...

Amanda, that should be the prayer of all of us!!

KR said...

Amanda..I'm right there with you... even worse. I've experienced the third world first-hand and I actually blogged about the India team yesterday. TODAY...was complaining about the color of a new house we're moving to. I can't even bear to tell the pride filled dialogue in my head. Not only THAT...I went to a church and lit a candle in front of the Mother Teresa statue for the bloggers. And promptly woke up today---moody, complaining, coveting and fussing over stupid,stupid,stupid things. God forgive us. God help us. And GOD BLESS the brave blogging souls bringing us back from the self-centered cliff.

Kristin said...

I feel the same way.

Kristin

One More Equals Four said...

I have read your blog for a long time but never commented. This post really struck me. Probably in part because I have just finished reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and those are the exact feelings I have been having. I pout about my air conditioner and my washing machine and how much it is going to cost to keep our pool up this summer when there are people in THIS COUNTRY who just want to be able to sleep in a bed or feed their family today. It is very convicting!

CJ said...

Wow, I just went and read Melissa's post.


I just have no words.

I was getting ready to write a post on my blog about our recent hard times....we are military and had to move and haven't been able to sell our house.....b/c of that we will not be able to go on vacation this year.......None of that seems to matter anymore!

Thank you, Lord for opening my eyes!

Kristie said...

Amen! May the Lord change us all through the TRUTH proclaimed in these blog posts!

valerie said...

I have read each of Melissa's posts and cannot keep from crying every time. Today I was at work at our church office and we had several people come to the office for food boxes. One couple came walking in with a stroller with two babies in it needing food. Later a single mom came needing help with a utility bill. I told her we have a food pantry, but no funds right now for utilities and she asked if she could have food. At one time there were three different families in the office area waiting for food boxes. Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming just working at our church office, especially when there are little kids. I've never been hungry a day in my life. I can't imagine.
Later in the afternoon I read Melissa's latest post while I was at work and sat there with tears in my eyes. What she is experiencing makes the people I see so often & help look very wealthy.
To say I was touched by the post today would be a huge understatement. I thought as I was looking at those pictures and reading about the people living in the slums...Melissa will never be the same.
I love that these children are getting a good hot meal and most of all they are hearing about Jesus. The joy on their faces is precious. In the midst of living in the conditions they do....and they still have such joy. Amazing.

The Paynes said...

Hey there,

This is my first time leaving you a comment. I'm a fellow Texas Mommy to two girls... one almost three and the other almost 3 months (close to your kid's age). I've enjoyed reading your blog for the last few months.

I just needed to share that I felt the same exact feelings today after I read your sister's post. I felt paralized, unable to function. My 3-year old even asked me if I was sad. I feel so convicted and such a heavy burden for these children that my heart feels like it's going to fall off.

Still trying to process and figuring out how I need to pray... just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Danaly

Tonya Gray said...

Thank you for putting into words what I could not after reading Melissa's post tonight.

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

Amen. I lost it after reading about the infant alone all day.

Debbie said...

I've been keeping up with this through Pete Wilson, but didn't realize your sister was there with him.
Praying for the team!

Yankee Mama said...

That honestly is a life changing post.

I hate myself. Today when my husband came home for lunch I was crying about how I hate our carpet, it hasn't been cleaned in 6months...so dirty, I want tile, blah, blah, blah!

I pray the Lord will have mercy on me.

I have to change.

rooney said...

yes. i can't even put into words...
God, work on my cold selfish heart. make me more like You.

Monica said...

Me too...me too...

My heart is so heavy I have no words.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I know.

Kiki@Seagulls in the Parking Lot said...

I'm right there with you, friend. You expressed it much better than I. I've been mulling.

Rachel said...

Amanda, I am so with you. Ashamed and frustrated, I am with you.

Betsy said...

i am speechless...

i think we all crave to be changed like this.

thanks for sharing your sister's journey with us.

Annie said...

Amen! Lord, help us ALL...
I am totally feeling lead to sponsor a Compassion child... I am thankful for all your sister and the other compassion bloggers are experiencing and for the message they are sharing with each blog post.

Emmy said...

I feel the same way... I just saw the Southern Accents magazine on my table and I wanted to throw up! I have no words to explain either... I have been so impacted by their posts... their trip... almost like we are all there too... I think only the power of the Holy Spirit can do that... amazing! Help me Lord... I am so sorry... I have no clue...
Praying...

Profbaugh said...

Just listened to the compassion group live in India. Although Melissa wasn't in the group talking, she was certainly on my mind. As I listened to this group of bloggers describe what they were experiencing, my heart just broke. You're right AJ, Melissa will never be the same and neither will you. Praying for a HUGE change in attitude in here in the USA for all of us. We have far too much stuff and far too little Jesus in our lives.

~Cheryl

Moose Mama said...

Yeah, I felt the same way when I read her post today. I don't know how else to say this...but I feel like I'm thinking in slow motion. It's just hard not to be touched by that.

Melana

Cindy- My Life HIS Story said...

Having read your sister's post yesterday, I can so relate to your feelings. I've not been able to get it off my mind. Even being a sponsor, I still feel so greedy and selfish. I woke up this morning at 4:15 unable to sleep.

I'm listening, Father. Now what?

loud said...

Oh Amanda, I thought the exact same thing late last night as I read your sister's blog. I cried and begged God to let the pain burn a hole in my heart that would never be forgotten. It's so hard to be aware of the suffering and poverty, yet be a part of this illusion of global prosperity. I, too, pray to never be the same. To always remember. To be strong in seeking Him in my walk while trying to live in this world. To be a relevant witness, yet still not consumed by the wants of materialism that are such easy pits for me. I will pray the same for you! Thank you!

screamofcontinuousness said...

God will answer your prayer honey.

He answered your sister's prayer to be touched. Boy howdy didn't HE! He not only allowed her to be touched, He is reaching through her to touch all of us. You can't call her post yesterday anything but anointed.

God promises us "heart surgery" if we want it. Ezekiel 36:26.

*hugs*
Deirdre

screamofcontinuousness said...

That is it. I either have to give up make-up, or stop reading Moore ladies blog posts!!

Now your MOM just slayed me today with her post about breaking down in that little room full of women in India years ago.

I want to be used like that! but I'm just not broken enough. There aren't enough holes for God to shine through and the thought terrifies me.

Susan B. said...

Amen. What a powerful experience. May we all be changed through Christ.

K & H said...

Amanda I feel the same way. For me I think it is so hard to come face to face with that reality and have no where to hide from it. I am addicted to this world and all my possessions. The really hard part is that I truly whole hardily don’t want to be. I want to be able to sing that song that says I 'm living my life for you, I giving everything to you. Yesterday when I heard that song I couldn’t even say the words because it's a lie. I feel lost now and ashamed of myself. Lord help us.

Teri said...

Amanda~ I humbly agree- "Woe to me"- ...my eyes well up with tears and a jab of sadness hits my heart as I follow Melissa and the Compassion team through such poverty stricken areas; I'm convicted about how we take SO MUCH for granted in the comfort of all our blessings in America.
May God do a work in all our hearts through Melissa's mission trip to make a differnce in His Kingdom where ever He leads each one of us to take action to help others in need.

Eyes fixed on Jesus... (perfect my faith Lord!)
~Teri

CAROL LIVIN FOR GOD said...

AMANDA IT COULD OF NOT BEEN SAID BETTER, OH LORD CHANGE US HELP US NOT TO BE ADDICTED TO THIS WORLD.
RADING ALL OF MELISSA POSTS HAS BROKEN MY HEART JUST AS I THINK IT CANNOT BREAK NO MORE IT BREAKS AGAIN AND THE TEARS STREAM DOWN MY FACE TO BE MORE GRATEFUL FOR WHAAT I HAVE AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE. SO I WILL BE IN PRAYER FOR YOU MY SEISTA AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF. THANK YOU MELISSA FOR SHARING INDIA WITH US SEISTA'S WHAT A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE YOU MUST BE FEELING WE LOVE YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. LOVE CAROL

MITZI said...

Amen Sister, I've been looking at my life and am embarrased by all my complaints of my "small" house and old furniture.

Forgive me Lord.

Mary R Snyder said...

I'm awestruck and humbled to read the stories and to see their faces last night... oh my, it brings me to my knees.
Lord forgive me of my addiction to this world.

Tami said...

Hi Amanda,
I am so grieved over my own stinking flesh and my addiction to what this world offers. Melissa's post brought me to tears, as well as all the others' that I have read. My heart has been hurting over all that I take for granted. Thank you for always blogging your heart. It touches so many of us.
In His Grip of Grace, Tami

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Amen.

Jennifer said...

Amen my friend. May God transform our hearts in such a way that transcends a passing twinge of discomfort or bout of sadness...

Love,
Jennifer

Sunni-Nichole' said...

I have felt the exact same way!!!! I find the Indian woman to be so incredibly beautiful. I think of all the things we use to make ourselves pretty- highlights, makeup, self-tanner, designer clothes, handbags, cute shoes.... the list goes on. They have none of that, but they are still so beautiful.

Lord, that I would find my beauty in you!

I'm praying for you both!

Melody said...

AMEN!!!

katiegfromtennessee said...

Amanda, I feel the same way. To be able to go to Thailand, and see how the other side of the world lived was life changing for me. True reality of life is what I want to see. Living like the sojourner that I am should be my goal. This is not my home!! I need to live like I really believe that! Melissa's trip has been a trip for all us.

Love in Him. ((HUGS)) and blessings to you,

katiegfromtennessee

Amanda May said...

I'm with you! Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

I so want the stuff of this world sifted out of me...I guess it would help if I cooperate!!

Jill_in_AL said...

So true and such a cute take on how dopey we look sitting here in air conditioning with more luxury than we imagine watching and reading about another world altogether. I'm with you, AJ.

PS you got one cool sista!

Ang baylis said...

I know exactly what you mean. I remember when we returned from our mission trip. I was changed...but it was only temporary. Thanks for being real today! I'll pray for you, too!
Love,
Angie xoxo

Latte With Me said...

Your sister's stories have broken my heart - so beautifully written. And those pictures! And, I know you two Moore girls are beautiful - but is Melissa wearing make-up? She keeps talking about how hot it is but yet she looks so wonderful!!!

*hugs to my favorite Amanda*

Cinde said...

I feel the same way - haven't been able to read any of Melissa's posts without tears streaming down my cheeks. It is a wonderful way to be broken - and boy do I ever need it!
Your new Compassion child is a doll! She will be a huge blessing to and hugely blessed by your family.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

We all need to be changed by her experience. I think we are all a little guilty of the materialistic world we live in beckoning us in to the trap. It's easy to get caught up in it.

I pray that I will learn to focus on what is important and focus on others.

Thanks for being so honest Amanda,

Beth

Toknowhim said...

Something has been stirring in me a bit this week as I have read your sister's post and Angie's posts... Not sure what will come of it, but want to commit to praying about it.

I am too often taken with this world, and when I am thinking right I know I am wrong...

Can't wait to see what fruit will come from this trip...

Blessings Amanda..

Gretta said...

Ouch! I needed to read this, and your sister's post as well.

Amanda,
I think I've been reading your blog for the last year now. I have so enjoyed your writing, and your mom stories. When I began reading your blog, I had no idea how to comment! I began my own blog in December after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm still a bit naive about this whole blogging thing. I've intended on commenting on your posts for several months now. I have especially enjoyed reading your blog during my cancer journey.....it has been a refreshing sense of normal for me....a break from my journey. I'm a 35 year old wife/mom....have a 5 year old son. We live in Chicagoland. Sorry it has taken me this long to introduce myself! You do not need to post this.....
Sincerely,
Gretta :)