Monday, November 16, 2009

Future Trophy Wife

Today's topic is Things That Have Disgusted Me Lately.

On Saturday, Mom and I went to this shopping extravaganza called The Nutcracker Market. It happens every year at Reliant and it supports the Houston Ballet. We had the world's greatest mother-daughter day. When Annabeth gets old enough to walk without a stroller for three hours, she can come with us. I came away with a marshmallow-shooting air gun for Jackson for Christmas, a couple of dresses, and a cute wire rack for displaying Christmas cards. We also got to meet lots of our Bible study ladies, which was neat. We so enjoyed a great day of shopping amongst our people group.

Literally, the only negative thing I can say about the day is that I saw a vendor selling a t-shirt for a baby girls that said "Future Trophy Wife." I'll just let you think on that for a second before I proceed.

Thinking.

Thinking.

Thunk! Wow, moms and dads, is that really what we want for our daughters? To be beautiful and brainless arm pieces for a man one day? Oh, not really? It's just a joke? Well it was so funny that I almost threw up in my mouth.

Now I'll just move right along to the second thing that disgusted me recently.

When my in-laws were here, we had an early lunch at Pappasito's that Saturday. I mentioned that the restaurant was really not on their game that day. My chicken was undercooked and I lost my appetite. But that is nothing compared to what nearly made me lose what little I ate of my lunch.

Right before we left, a group of two moms and two early-elementary age daughters were seated at a table near us. The daughters were wearing sports bra tops and cheer shorts. Let me just tell those of you who are not blessed with a Pappasito's in your community that there is a sign near the front door clearly stating the dress code, which includes wearing a shirt. Apparently the hostesses turned a blind eye to their young offenders who might not have been able to read the sign or see it so high up on the wall.

The first thing I noticed was that both girls had their arms covering their stomachs. They were obviously self-conscious about their lack of clothing. Their mothers showed no hesitation toward taking their daughters in public that way, but the girls themselves clearly sensed that they were under-dressed.

Second, across their little sports bras (if you could call them that - they didn't need bras) was the name of a local cheerleading club. Of course! They were wearing their practice uniforms! Y'all, they start them so young here in Texas. Cheerleading in itself is one thing, but any organization that asks little girls to show their stomachs in public is ridiculous. It looks scandalous. I don't want to share the name of the club because I don't want to draw their attention, but I looked on their web site and they have 3, 4 and 5-year-old teams. There are even pictures of them competing on their web site. When I was looking at them, my stomach started rolling and I got a lump in my throat. They look like tiny harlots in their stage makeup, little skirts, and cropped spandex tops. That is not okay! What is wrong with our culture that we put up with this exploitation? What causes a mother to let her three-year-old wear clothes that teenagers shouldn't even be wearing? Do they think it's cute? Are they living their dream through their child? Do they want every perve in the community to come see their little darling strut her stuff?

I will never forget how my mom sewed an ugly piece of lace on the v-neckline of my 7th grade dance dress. I have friends who still make fun of me for that. But, oh Lord, how I thank You for giving me a mother who shielded me from over-exposure instead of encouraging me to grow up way too fast. Give me wisdom and conviction as I raise my own daughter in this culture. Give her a heart to please You more than men. Give her humble confidence that comes from You and cannot be shaken by this image-obsessed world.

138 comments:

Nichole said...

Amanda, I also have an infant daughter (4 months right now) and I shudder to think what I have to shield her from as she grows up. You're not alone in your battle!

Jill said...

you get nothing but praise and agreement from me!!

AugsburgDaisy said...

Right on!

Alana said...

On Halloween I actually had a little girl come to our door that was probably 9 or 10 dressed in fish net thigh highs, heels, a stomach baring halter top and a skirt so short I don't know that it even qualifies as a piece of clothing...I right behind her was her mother just smiling away. It really is sad to expose any female to that but your little girl?!?!?...so sad

Brittany said...

amen sister!
and it's not just the girls... we were leaving church.. yes church, Sunday, and my 8, yes 8 year old son asks me what the word sexy means!!! Lord have mercy.
I was stumped on an appropriate answer to give him. A boy in his class was calling himself sexy.

tiggerdaisy said...

I am right there with you, Amanda! My husband and I sometimes have trouble finding things for our two year old to wear. Some stores sell low rise jeans for two year olds--and you don't even know it until you get home and put them on! For heaven's sake, what does a two year old need with hip huggers???

My other pet peeve--writing across the back of a child's shorts. That is positively ASKING for men to look at our daughters' behinds. Ick.

Summer dresses with the neck so low that you can almost see a child's chest is also another no-no in my book.

We don't have to be prunes about it all, but we definitely shouldn't be parading our daughters around in outfits that attract unwanted attention.

Great post, Amanda!

Lisa said...

seriously, amen sister! i teach my 4 and 2 year olds to dress modestly!(i shouldn't even have to at this age! what toddler clothing should even be immodest?! but it's out there!) i've seen little shirts in size 4t that say "sexy" on them! what mom wants her 4 year old branded sexy? i have such issues with lot's of the dance classes/companies in our town because the recitals are danced to provacative pop music by scantily clad toddlers and pre-schoolers! no thanks!

Sallie said...

Here's something for you. Several years ago, my then 5 year old went we with me to see one of our students from our student ministry in a cheer competition. Walking around the auditorium were exactly what you described....3, 4, 5 years olds half dressed and wearing more makeup than I have worn in my entire life.

My 5 year old looked up at me and said, "Mommy, do their mommies know they look like that?"

Out of the mouths of babes.....

Griswold Fun said...

Totally agree! I live in Texas and those cheer groups are crazy?!? And my mom added many extra snaps and fabric to clothes growing up... What is funny is that now every once and awhile I will bring her a button down shirt and ask for an extra snap or button!

Rachel Cox said...

Oh Amanda, what a blessing you are to me! Thank you dear sister for always being willing to speak Truth! We all need to guard our daughters and ourselves!

Kelli said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I feel that way constantly when I am walking around. I hate that so many stores are not providing darling outfits but instead are promoting scantly clad outfits!

BUT on a happy note, I am glad you had fun at the Nutcracker Market! I went for the first time on Thursday and I was blown away!

His Doorkeeper said...

It makes me very sad for little girls to be allowed to wear "too old" looking clothes for their age. And it is the mother who buys the clothes, not little girls! What are they thinking?

I laughed the other day on the"Bonnie Hunt" show where she showed a picture of herself at about age 13 with a "dickey" (ask your mother if you don't know what this is) in her V-neck dress because her mother said the neck was too low! Good for her!

I agree with everything you said!

Sherri D said...

Um, yeah.....I have a 5 week old little girl, and I am praying the same thing for her right now! And hallelujah for moms who shelter and protect their little girls....I wasn't allowed to wear strapless tops until I went to COLLEGE! Great post, thanks for writing it.

Life In Progress said...

I just want to say that I could not agree more with this post. I have two daughters, and I am absolutely dreading the day when they move into the junior sizes.

Bravo to your Mom for making the unpopular choice to cover you up!! I hope I will be as wise when faced with the same kinds of choices. It's up to us as Moms to help guard our daughters' precious virtues.

Dionna said...

As the mom of an almost 13 yr old and a 10 yr old - your prayers so resonates within my heart. I don't get too many struggles from my girls except the oldest one is wanting to wear more makeup and high heels. I pray that they won't want to grow up too fast and that I won't "preach" to them so much about modesty that they'll turn a deaf ear but that somehow they'll desire it for themselves.

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

As a mama of three teen/tween boys, it hurts my heart (and my head) to see girls dressed like that. I don't know what those mothers are thinking but I can tell you what boys think- however, I have been able to use those times we girls dressed like that to redirect my boys attention to what is truly important about their future wives- a heart for Jesus not a heart for ABC brand jeans on their butt.

Kelly said...

Having a daughter really scares me. I want her to wear smocked dresses and bows until she is at least 16! I agree. I was a cheerleader and loved it but our uniforms were SO conservative compared to what they wear now. And I would not let my little girl wear a sports bra. My parents would have DIED before they would have let me wear that.

michael and anne said...

thank you so much for this post. I have 2 little girls and my prayer for them every day is that God will protect their innocence, and be preparing a sweet boy who will consider them a prize, but never a "trophy".

Thanks again, so very much!

annalee said...

i know the EXACT shirt because my mother-in-law pointed it out in disgust. we shared your same reaction and sadness over it. here's to you and i finding lots of adorably cute, AND classy girl outfits throughout the years for our little A's!

Angela said...

Great post! I totally agree. And my dad made me have my cheerleader skirt made a good 2 inches longer than everyone else's in junior high. Totally embarassing, but now I can appreciate it!

MICHELE said...

Well said! It is so sad seeing how quickly innocence is lost on our children. Having my own daughter (9 months) I am not looking forward to the wardrobe arguments we will inevitably have!
I liked what you said about your mother shielding you, b/c at the time we don't get it and then we grow up and realize once innocence is lost you can NEVER get it back!

Knittin Kudzu said...

Amen! I am in total agreement with every word you wrote! I am continually shocked and appalled at the lack of discernment exhibited by adults. I pray that God will protect those innocent little girls.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

That sickens me. It reminds me of that show on TLC "Toddlers and Tiaras." The first time I saw an ad for the program, I was aghast. Why in the world would we parade this kind of sickness and vanity in front of the world as something entertaining? No wonder our culture is so twisted. Most people think it's just funny.

AKat said...

Go, Amanda! Thank you!

five things -
1. Our culture really is promoting tiny prostitots. And it's SICK.

2. I'd tell my high school students that "Modest IS Hottest!"

3. Remind me to email you a picture of my eighth grade dance dress. HA!

4. The Nutcracker Market ranks among the top five things I miss about Houston. Pappasito's used to be on my top ten, but undercooked chicken?! How out of character!

5. Mothers of baby girls, teach your daughters to rock the turtleneck.

(After this post, I'm going to start praying for Neil's future wife's mother, to help make wise, modest fashion choices.)

Whew. That was a lot. Sorry!

Rebecca said...

AMEN, Sista!

HisTreasuredPossession said...

preach it, friend. I've got your back!

love,
rachel

Maryellen said...

Amanda so well said ! AMEN
How blessed is sweet little
Annabeth to be growing up with a Mom who is aware. She may not agree or like it at times but down the road she will rejoice !

Mocha with Linda said...

Amen, sister. Preach on.

And as I type this, I just read the news about the precious 5-year-old little girl in N.C. whose body was found and her mom is charged with selling her into pros********.

Personally, I think there's a market for millstones. . . .

Bobbie said...

Amen! Amanda, I so agree with you and thank you for voicing your feelings. This could be a serious problem if families don't confront it head on. Our daughter and SIL won't let our two girls wear any shorts, pants, sweats with writing across the seat. They're very watchful of that and I'm eternally grateful!!

You're an awesome Mom and I know Annabeth AND Jackson will benefit from having you and Curtis as parents.

Our last experience at Pappasito's was very different, too! Not enough to make us stay away tho! (big grin). I'm hoping it was a fluke. I would really miss my tacos al carbon!

Heather said...

I'm throwing up a little in my mouth, too. We will have to unite together to raise godly young women in an ungodly world!! I sometimes think I should pray that my Avery Kate doesn't even like cheerleading so we don't even have to deal with it!

Nicole said...

Can I just say amen!! I have 2 girls and I am struggling already with my 5yr old finding shoes and clothes that don't look..... I can't even find the right words that are somewhat nice to say; for her to wear. I did a Bible study a few years ago with some youth girls and was shocking what they think that they need/have to wear to look cute!

Megan said...

Amen sister! As a junior high teacher, you would be shocked by what these girls wear and think is appropriate! I am in complete agreement with everything you said!

Renee said...

I was at Nutcracker Market for the duration... working in a friend's booth. I'm glad y'all had such a wonderful time there!

I completely agree with your assessment and opinions of what you saw. It's a sick culture we live in. People celebrate such clothing and indecency and then wonder why there are so many teen pregnancies, etc. They just can't seem to tie the two together...

And even more than being sick, it's just sad...

Sarah said...

Amen, sister! It's scary how early this starts! I can't take my boys down the street of our town square anymore because Victoria's Secret is on the corner--blech!

Kiki said...

And there are two more reasons I'm glad I have boys. Except that I have to teach them not to look at those girls.

So, battle on moms!

Shauna Okongo said...

Amen, amen, and amen. I am the mother of 3 girls, 4yr, 2yr, and 6mo. The conversations have begun even at these tender ages about modesty, honoring God, and protecting the eyes of our brothers. It's so hard in the culture, as it seems that dressing our little girls like seductive prostitutes is labeled as cute. Teaching, prayer, and humility every day.

Desiree said...

Amen! I too agree with you.

I never had any children of my own but I do have step-grandkids that I fear for. They are exposed to sooo much at such earlier ages than I ever was.

I know my parents prayed over me a lot because I was pretty oblivious to a lot going on when I was growing up. I was lucky enough to attend a Christian school but there was still "stuff" that happened there and I never knew about it until I was much older.

Courtney said...

We were talking about this at Mom's Bible Study the other morning. One more says she has a neck to knees rule for her girls. Loved it.

I think it's time for modest moms to make a stand in the marketplace. We need a clothes line specifically targeted at modesty. Even those who are not trying to raise Proverbs 31 girls would like to have more options!

Glo said...

Amanda,

Thanks for posting about that. I really appreciate your heart and the fact that you did not hesitate to put this out there for all those who read your blog. I have a 15 month old little girl and I already struggle when I see babies wearing adult type clothing.

Gloria

twinkle said...

If I wasn't about to throw up in my mouth, I would say, Preach On, Titus Woman!

Purity. We need it so badly. Not the veiled, covered head-to-toe extreme, but the purity of nation who respects our girls.

That's the sad part, women are not respected anymore.

Lilies of the Field said...

I think this is probably only my second time to comment, but I have just recently faced a scenario very similar. I went to my nieces cheerleading competition in Dallas a couple of weekends ago. It was sponsored by the Cowboys' cheerleaders. My sweet little nieces (4 & 10), raised in a home without Jesus, were in uniforms that, 50 years ago, would have been too skimpy as a swimsuit and had more makeup on than most women wear. And they were to be admiring and pictured with the Cowboys' cheerleaders who were only the grown-up versions. It completely broke my heart. Then, there would be random men walking around alone or sitting off to themselves, and I could only think the worst. I hate that my mind goes in this direction, but I think it has now valid if only for the protection of the young ladies around us. I left completely disgruntled and saddened for the young ladies that are already learning that their body is meant for the purposes of this world and not for what the Lord has intended it for.

Denice said...

Amen! Amen! Amen!

Natalie said...

I feel the exact same way! I cannot imagine that any mom would think that it is okay for her little girl to dress so inappropriately!

Marla Taviano said...

My heart hurts for all the women/girls who have bought into Satan's lies about how we should dress/walk/act. :(

jenmom said...

Amen! It is so refreshing to hear this kind of word spoken by another mom! I have two daughters, one who is 11 and one 8 months old! It is surprising to me how many Christian moms I come across who wink at this kind of thing because it seems more important to have their kids wearing the "in" clothes instead of being modest.
Lord, give us more moms who will stand up for godliness with our daughters!

Mandi said...

I don't know what parents of girls are thinking??? Allowing teenage girls (and even little girls) to run around scantily clad just isn't right. My parents were the complete opposite and I'm so glad they were.

Fran said...

Oh Amanda...I can hardly comment on this..One paragraph I had to skim through because my stomach was aching.

I pray for all these girls and mommas because we will be married to one someday. Ugh.

Oh Lord have mercy and show us your ways.

Terrie and Carley said...

Great post Amanda. I want to encourage all of you with young preschool girls to train them in modesty now and when they are older, they more than likely will not part from it. As your toddler girl grows up begin to explain to her why we choose to dress modestly. I have so many friends who waited too long with the why's based on God's word why we dressed modestly and are now experiencing great torment at the mall.

I have a 16 yr. old daughter who wears cute clothes and dresses very modestly. We can be cute without dressing like a hoochee momma, if you know what I mean. I strongly recommend the book for all moms called the Secret Keeper by Dannah Gresh. Buy a copy and tuck it away for safe keeping. Pull it out when you child is old enough to have earned the right to express their opinion in clothes buying and teach them the techniques used in the book. It is all about the training and teaching.

Thank again Amanda!

Terrie

mallory said...

Hi Amanda,

I'm a first time commenter here but a long time reader. This post made me want to "de-lurk" to tell you I agree with you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this very disturbing trend. You are not alone in your disgust!

Laurie said...

Well said! Amen sista girl!

josejose44 said...

ahhhhh! Amanda!
This rips my heart right out! I haven't commented on your site before but I'm a reader. Thank you for sharing this post. I wonder at times how moms feel about this overexposure. This breaks my heart in so many levels. I'm sure I'll get a dirtier taste in my mouth when I have small children, but I'm glad to hear your love and desire for Annabeth's purity.
Thanks for sharing!
Gilda

Sarah said...

Amen! Thank you for writing this post!

Anne N. said...

As a mom of an 11 year old girl....I completely AGREE with you! What drove me crazy was the trend for cute sayings to be written on the bottoms of shorts, pants, etc. Like we should draw attention to that area?

The B's said...

I used to LOVE the Nutcracker Market when I was in Middle School. I had forgotten all about it! What GREAT memories I have shopping there with my mom. Okay...saw "Nutcracker Market" and that is as far as I got...I need to finish reading! :)

The B's said...

Okay, now I have finished reading and all I can say is AMEN SISTER! Right on!!!

KR said...

AMEN! I'm still feeling sick from seeing little kindergarten girls wearing slogans on the backside of their sweatpants. God help us all.
and please tell me you have a photo of that 7th grade dress with the lace...way to go Mama B

ehardin said...

Texas is a whole other country....and cheerleading is just insane here. My 4 year old just started at a cheer place like the one you are talking about. She is just taking the tumbling class right now, the competitive cheer class, when all said and done is $1600!!!!! For a 4 YEAR OLD!!!! Seriously???
She wears her little shorts and tshirt every time. The other day she came out in her swim suit(it was a two piece/boy shorts) and said she was ready to go!
UM>...NO! I said!
She didn't understand why. She just wanted to be like the other girls.
But it wasn't going to happen! So, she finally changed and went on our way.
Its just pitiful what is acceptable and from so many moms. I don't get it!

CAROL LIVIN FOR GOD said...

Amen siesta you are a great mom and you my sister will be a good mom and little seista and little meista have a good mom and dad that will take very good care of them. We need to be in prayer for our kids because they are exposed to , to much worldly things and it is wrong Thank the Lord for christian parenting.
Love you Amanda
a seista in albuquerque nm

Tracy said...

Amen and Amen.

Our girl is 13 (yikes!) and she has always been beautiful. We have been asked repeatedly to have her model since she was itty bitty ... um, no thanks. I never want her to think that who she is is because of how she looks. Whenever she gets a compliment on her looks we have always been quick to say that her true beauty comes from how she behaves and treats others ... and then we throw in there that she loves Jesus. We have a society who tries to tell our girls that they NEED to be like Britney Spears to find true happiness (um, didn't work for her!) ... I am so thankful for a group of college interns (shoutout to HFBC!) who have loved my girl well, been cool in her presence and all the while discipling her that living a life for Jesus is all she needs! (And, we have spent ALOT of time on our knees for her, too!)

Ashley said...

WOW! That is crazy, and scary! I have a 5 month old and thinking about that makes me sick... good post girly! ;)

Big Mama said...

First, LOVE the Nutcracker Market. Trying not to be envious of your shopping trip. Trying.

Second, AMEN sister. AMEN.

ocean mommy said...

AMEN and AMEN!!!

We momma's of girls have to stick together on this one. :)

steph.

Yoli said...

Amen Amanda! That is great that you were raised with modesty. VERY few girls are anymore. :(

Jamie said...

Can I just say how much I appreciated you sharing the part that your mom put lace on your dance outfit. My mom did that all the time and I was soooooo embarassed by it but now I am so glad she did it. I thought my mom was the only mom that did that!!

I totally agree with your whole post. It makes me sick that mothers will allow little girls to dress this way. It should not be allowed by law!

connorcolesmom said...

This makes me terribly sad...
Why do we do this to our children???
Just today Connor was talking about getting married and I told him - "you are 9, lets not talk about marriage until you are 25!" hehe
Seriously, kids grow up too fast!
I echo your prayer for your daughter and other daughters around the world
God be with us!

Jessica said...

A local cheer group performed at halftime of a county basketball tournament last season. They were of mixed age, but none over the age of 12, I'm sure. I was absolutely embarrassed. I looked to see if my dad was watching, (he's a pastor) and noticed almost half the crowd of the packed coliseum leaving. That "performance" was the talk of the town for weeks. It still disgusts me to even think about it.

Georgia Jan said...

Sweet Amanda, your post has blessed this Georgia "Gran Jan" and now the lump is in MY throat as I am on the verge of tears - good tears, because this gives me HOPE that there are still young women out there like you! I have two daughters-in-law that are just like you on this very topic!

Thank you for being the kind of young minister's wife and mom to desire to raise the standard high and keep it there for your little girl.

My youngest son and his wife are expecting their first baby in May! My sweet daughter-in-law teaches sixth grade in our local public schools (which we support!) and she sees these young girls gone astray - every day.

We recently discussed the same topic of your blog. My d-in-law is "bound and determined" that if they have a little girl, that she and my son will lay her clothes out every day until they are convinced that their little girl knows how to dress right!

I'm so proud of you! Your Momma raised you right!

Blessings,
GA JAN

beyond this moment said...

I agree with you 100%!

There are a number of stores I won't shop at for my children anymore (even though the boys' clothes are ok I stopped giving them my money on principle). SHORT skin-tight shorts/skirts - including some with words like "sexy" and "phat" and "hottie" on the rears, low cut shirts or shirts with bare midriffs, dresses that they wouldn't be allowed to wear as teenagers... in sizes as small as 4/5! ugh.

I work with teenagers who are reaping the consequences of over-sexualization... and quite frankly, I think retailers are sexually abusing our children.

~Bethany

Cathy said...

Thank you so much for this post. I was beginning to think you had to be my age or older to think a young girl should dress appropriately. Surely my teenage daughters think I'm over the top when I won't let them dress like everyone else. I hope someday they'll appreciate me like you do your mother.

melanie said...

i love that your mom sewed lace on your 7th grade dress! way to go, beth! i laughed out loud when i read that you almost threw up in your mouth! you are too funny!

Moose Mama said...

Amen. Amen. Amen.

I have two daughters. One is 20. One is 11. The rules started early, they had to, for just the thing you wrote about.

There were years where trying to find pants to go up high enough, shirts that covered both the top AND the bottom was HARD.

NO COMPROMISE!!!

The only trophy I want my daughters to be...is for the KING of Creation.

Melana

FaceforGrace said...

Girl, just wait 'til you have to shop for a 5 or 6 year old little girl. Ugh! It's like the designers think these little girls work the corner somewhere. It is SO hard finding cute but fashionable and modest clothes for my 6 year old!

Also, my husband and I are Children's Pastors at our church and every summer we offer a cheerleading clinic for the young girls called Cheering for Jesus. They get a t-shirt (no sports bras for us!) pom poms and learn cheers praising Jesus to perform on Parents Night the last night. It has been a blessing to many, many girls over the years. We are also blessed to have a local dance studio that is Christian owned and operated. My oldest still gets to participate in dance, but it's taugt as a form of worship. It is incredible...I leave her recital each year feeling as if I have been sitting at the feet of Jesus. I feel it is SO important for people to step up and offer alternatives for our children and youth.

Laura said...

I totally understand, Amanda. I have a hard time shopping for my girls, ages 5 and 3. I do not let them wear any shirt that doesn't have a sleeve, two piece bathing suits, or skirts above their knees. And it was very hard to find a tumbling class for them that didn't encourage skimpy clothes.

Keep teaching little Annabeth to love Jesus!!

Sandra said...

Amen! Even the local store ads have little girls dressed up in things I would never let my child wear (and was definitely not allowed to wear myself!) I have an 8 year old daughter and I am happy to say she is not interested in cheerleading OR dressing that way.

R said...

i can relate to you on the lace...for every single one of my high school formals, my mother had the slits/kick pleats on my dresses sewn up several inches. i hated it at the time, but now i'm sooooo thankful!!

Jen said...

I am so glad others feel that way too. Sometimes I feel like the mean mom. I have 4 kids, the younger two being girls (8 yo and 19 months)and I have to hunt high and low to find appropriate clothing.

Thanks

Julie Marler said...

Amen and Amen! My baby daughter is now 30! She was never a cheerleader because her daddy and I refused to put her in a cheer or dance class that promoted this type of dress. As a teenager she was never allowed to wear halter tops (which were the thing back then) or short shorts (which were also very popular). Thankfully she never really rebelled against this and in fact was fairly modest and embarrassed towards this clothing. I think it must have been similar to the little cheerleaders you are talking about in your post! Now she and her husband have two little girls and when they see these young girls and teenagers dress so seductively they are very aware of the possible battle they may have up ahead. Christian moms and dads have a responsibility to their daughters (and sons!) to teach them that you can dress cool and be cool without being seductive! Thanks Amanda for your sensitivity and awareness to this ongoing problem!!!
Mammy

lavonda said...

I have friends who do that cheerleading with their little first grader. OH MY at the makeup and the outfits. DISGUSTING. My little girl is going to be 9 in a few weeks, and she has not/will not participate in things like that. We do ballet at our church, and even their recital costumes are conservative. I love them! Our little girls' morals and standards will be what we teach them, just like Proverbs says to train them so they won't depart from it.

I really like what one parent told me recently that she teaches her teenage daughter for how boys think when they look at girls her age:
If you're willing to show it, you're willing to share it.

and if they're taught so young that it's okay to show so much, and you condition them to be comfortable with it, I'm sorry, you're setting them up for some failure.

Scoot over sister. I'm with you up on this soapbox!
I love the values and the standards our grandparents were brought up with. If we could get back to that with this future generation, maybe we could turn the cycle society is on around somehow.

Great post, Amanda. Dead on.

Ginnylou said...

Even us mommies of boys have to deal with this ridiculousness. I was heartbroken when I heard a really good friend of mine say they took their little guy to Hooters and had him have his picture made with all the waitresses. And he's just TWO! I absolutely would have a conniption if I found out my little guy wound up there (even when he's grown!!)

Marc and Charity said...

I read this week that the UK has the highest abortion rate in all of Europe. And Wales is the highest amount of teenage pregnancies in all of Europe. So sad.

We were playing at a friend's house this past week and Cerys wanted to dress up in some play clothes that they had. She brought a red High School Musical cheerleading costume to me and asked what it was. When I told her it was a cheerleader, she said, "What's a cheerleader Mummy?" I thought it was funny that she did not know what that was, but I was also secretly grateful.

baseballmama said...

Amen sista!

Kristie said...

Make room on that soapbox! I'll join you up there, too! Since this isn't facebook, and I can't click "like," I linked this post to my Facebook with a big hearty "AMEN!" as my comment! Now, I can click "like," and so can all my friends! I've actually been pondering this very issue lately, and I've been looking into bringing a Pure Freedom event (Dannah Gresh's ministry--www.purefreedom.org) to our area because the situation has weighed so heavily on my heart! Just wait 'til Annabeth grows beyond a size 6X...My Mary Beth just started wearing a girls 7/8...and it is next to impossible to find anything appropriate for her to wear--I'm kicking myself now for not ever sitting down with my grandmother and letting her teach me to sew!

~ Laurie said...

as the mom of a 6-1/2 year old girl, and a 20 mos old girl it is HARD to find clothes that are stylish, affordable and yet cover their bodies. I despise shopping for them...and I never wanted to say that :( But it's hard!

Kristie said...

and...for moms who want to get involved and try to do something about this horrific trend in our culture, as well as for those who need some wisdom on how to teach your girl (especially "tweens") how to still be fashionable yet modest...here's a great link:
http://www.secretkeepergirl.com/bod_squad.aspx

Kari said...

I'll join you and Lavonda on that soap box. I have two girls-ages 5 and 10. I hate to say this, but the challenge to dress them modestly only gets worse. More and more, I have trouble finding things that I feel are modest enough AND age appropriate. (Just ask my oldest how long it took us to find her Easter dress last spring!) Maybe you could address this issue in a larger forum (like the LPM blog)and ask women where they're shopping for their girls these days. I'd love to hear their suggestions!

barbara head said...

There doesn't seem to be any boundaries today. All you have to do is watch commercials on TV--COMMERCIALS NO LESS!! My mother and dad wouldn't even let me have a two piece bathing suit and believe me that was years before the bikini. I guess the pendulum has swung to the other side beyond reach. We need more mothers like you, Amanda. I can see from many of the comments on your blog that there are some out there. I pray for these young parents daily.

Donna Dear said...

Oh, I so agree about the way girls are dressing these days. I am thankful my daughter was worried about wearing boots with a one inch heal. We need to let girls be girls!!!! I love it my girls (8 and almost 11) still love their American Girls, and love girly things.

We are just now entering the competition level in dance, and oh were we shocked at what little girls were wearing and the way they were dancing. As my husband said, "What is cute now at 6, will not be so cute at 16" Once again thankful for conservative dance studio.

Hang in there Amanda, buck the system - we are! I just wish I could clothe my girls in Gymboree till they are in college.

KM said...

This post resonates with me deeply right now. My daughter is 5 and I'm already shocked at the clothing choices we've been faced with...including some we've been given as gifts that I would never let her wear.

I've been laughed at by a few friends because of my complaining that since my daughter is long-waisted and has a belly on her...shirts shrink in the dryer just enough after a couple of washes that they show her mid-rift. We don't wear them again unless just our family at home and we're playing in the dirt outside. I don't want others partaking of her young body.

I work with 3-5 years old on a daily basis...and obviously my daughter just left the preschool days. You would be amazed at the short pants that mothers dress their children in for preschool. You can walk in a room and be blinded by "crack" as a little girl is crawling around (completely age appropriate) and her pants are showing half her rear--for all the adults and little boys to see.

My husband has even learned now that we try things on and crawl around the living room floor to see where the pants end up on my daughter prior to being allowed to wear to school. It's never too early to safeguard our children's body or their privacy.

ThirtysomethingMom said...

Amen...My daughter is 10. I agree.
Lord, help us raise our daughters to be modest.

Carey said...

My baby sister is in college and we were just talking about how modest clothing is hard to find these days. She said she really wanted to start a clothing line called "modest is hottest" I think it's a pretty good idea and I think it should be for little ones too! Thanks for taking a stand for modesty in this provacative culture!

Lauren Kelly said...

I don't even have a daughter, Amanda, and I so so agree with you. If and when I have a daughter, I will feel exactly the same way. So so true! Amen, girl!!!

Tara G. said...

Yes!!

Jill said...

My 9 year old loves to dance. For a long time she was a Christian Dance Studio where I was very happy but the drive was long and with three kids it was hard to fit in our schedule. So I pulled her and put her in a competitive team near our house. I checked them out, thought the teacher understood our values etc. We pulled her at the end of year due to these same issues. I was embarassed to watch some of the dances, the clothes and the "moves" at the studio and at area competitions. I wrote about it on my blog. http://findfaithful.blogspot.com/2009/06/dance-faith-striking-balance.html
Needeless to say we are back at our old studio and thankful for the drive!

Pajama Mama said...

I hear ya. I felt the same way when I watched Toddlers and Tiaras on tv.

Allison Talamantez said...

Amanda, you have no idea how many thumbs up and high fives I am giving you right now! I am so thankful for what I thought was an "overportective" parent but in the longrun my parents were simply an advocate for my youth. Future trophy wife sends me through the roof.....who's to say she is not going to be the one with the income power. Oh Lord, now I am all hot and bothered at this early hour....

Moops said...

"Those of us who preach against immodesty, do we wear low cut tops, short shorts, or micro skirts? We who say moms should cover their little girls bellys, do we let ours show? " Ro 2:21-23 (paraphrase) Y'all I'm in total agreement with you about covering our girls. But I also believe we model modesty or immodesty. It breaks my heart to see preteens seduced by Victoria Secret window posters. But are we buying the stuff? Can we dress relevant without looking ridiculous? I totally think we can.

Thank you Amanda for this great post and for your passion for purity.

MamaVigil said...

As a mama of a boy, I pray for the day he brings home a young one half naked and expecting to "enjoy" a family dinner... my poor son will NOT be shocked when I offer her my husbands old ratty sweatshirt and we spend the entire meal talking over the way young girls who want to date my son are expected to dress... Nice post...

Leslie Lauren said...

My husband and I both commented on how horrible Halloween costumes have gotten, ESPECIALLY for YOUNG girls. It's absolutely disgusting, and they are obviously selling out because otherwise they wouldn't have 80 million "scandalous" styles to choose from (stealing your word, it's a good one!).

It's to be expected when you've got t.v. shows exploiting everything from "Platinum Babies" to "Toddlers in Tiaras." Don't ever watch either show...especially if you have a heart for Compassion children who have NOTHING. I'm sitting here shaking my head.

HIS Child said...

Amanda,

I have chill bumps running up my arms, as I read your post. I agree with you 100%. My wise husband is very honest about our culture and the mother / daughter mentality of dressing them inappropriately. He voiced his opinion loud and clear with our daughter, and he was the one who took her school clothes shopping for all of her high school years.
You are a wise young women, thank you for sharing your heart and your passion for truth.
God bless you and the family.
Celeste

Allison said...

Well Said! I too went Nutcracker Shopping on Sunday, but was lucky enough to not see those t-shirts. Sheesh, what ARE people thinking?

G. said...

It is very sad. Have you ever seen the pageant show with the little girls? That is extremely sad. Little 5 year olds looking my age. I agree with you. In this culture the best thing we can do for our young ladies is teach them what is right and pray...hard. Thanks for your post.

Kelly said...

Oh Amanda, I'm with you. Welcome ot the world of parenting a daughter- where you will see and be horrified at the things passed off as appropriate (or worse yet- as necessities!) for pre-teen (and younger!) girls. I have 11 and 12 year old daughters and it is such a battle to protect them from what the world wants for them.
Our daughters deserve so much more... to be cherished and treasured. The saddest part is that the exploitation is so often at the hands of parents, reliving their own youths, as you witnessed. Ugh!!

HIS Child said...

Amanda,

Sorry for the second post, I am fired up. I wanted to pass on this helpful information to all moms regarding their Junior High, High School daughters. I have a series of CD's from author, speaker Lisa Bevere. The subject is "Purity's Power". It will truly be a blessing to all that listen and a great tool for equipping our young daughters. I would recommend that mom's listen privately and then share as they feel lead with their daughters depending on their age and understanding.
She has such a passion for women.

Thanks for letting me share.
Celeste

yarnabees said...

AMEN! I love your post and it is so true as to how the world is putting pressure on our children on how they should drees and what is acceptable today. I really hate to go to the stores to buy my 9 yr.old daughter clothes in the Summer time. Why do stores like Walmart put out clothes for my little girl that have the words hottie across their bottom. I don't want boys or grown men looking at my daughter's behind and think she is hot! I just sew her old jeans in to respectable shorts! Thank you for your post!!

Dy said...

Amen! I have a 16 year old and praise be to God she has a sense of style and leaving the rest of herself covered. Ladies we need to pray for our girls that God would give them discernment as well as ourselves.

Kylie said...

I am so thankful to have a peer like you, who women will listen to! I agree whole heartedly with your post and am grateful for the example you set to so many in our generation raising daughters!

Paige said...

I have 7 and 2 year old girls. My 7 year old has wanted to participate in gymnastics/cheer for the last couple of years and I hate having to tell her no everytime due to these same issues. I had a wise pastor that just so happened to preach on this very subject when I was pregnant with my oldest- He said- if you allow your little girls to dress like "that" don't be surprise when they turn out like "that." Thank the Lord for solid parenting advice from the pulpit!!!!

Amy T said...

All I have to say is Amen sister! I have a son, but I can't imagine trying to raise a daughter in the climate we live in. Praise God for modest Mommas.

Deirdre said...

Amanda - Amen and Amen. I completely get disgusted with the way girls are dressed these days. It makes me wonder what the mom was thinking. and that "trophy Wife" thing. ugh.

Ya know, I cheered. My mom hated the uniform. It wasn't a mid-drift/cropped top like they wear these days, but it had a short skirt. I think they mostly look like any other athletic uniform UNTIL the moms apply all the make-up and the glitter and all the vamping for competition day. I guess what I'm saying is the cheer uniform itself doesn't bother me nearly as much as makeup on a young girl.

And I know those girl have to have had jackets that went with those uniforms. Wish their moms' would have let them wear those. Poor kids were probably freezing to death, besides being embarrassed.

Mrs.L said...

This is a subject I have had on my heart for a long time. I apologize but I am just going to have to get real, and it's not something we like to hear about or even think about.
I believe our society desperately needs to face this issue, and side with sanity. Instead of the rationalization "I can wear what I want. It's my body...my right..etc."
For the protection of our future. Where I live there have been several teen girls raped and murdered. I will never forget the images of one of these precious girls leaving a Target in short shorts and a tank top (murderer right behind her). I am by no means blaming these girls but we do not know the wickedness in the hearts of those around us. Men should not pick girls up and put them in a car and take them away.
BUT THEY DO.
I say the more clothing and undergarmets you have on the more time you have to fight off someone trying to hurt you.
I feel girls really need some education on why going around looking "sexy" is not a good thing.

God made the body beautiful and it is made to be wonderful to look at-
with your husband-in private. You would'nt want to wear your wedding dress everyday. It would get soiled and spoil the specialness of the occasion. I believe the same is true of our bodies.

Ok, I am getting off of the soap box. Thank you for this post- love your blog. You are a cute little family I enjoy seeing you all doing the same things we do. LOL Tell your Mama "Hi" :)

Cheri-Beri said...

As Vicki Courtney puts it, "the prosti-tot look." You said it all girl. It is shameful, shameful, shameful to treat your daughter this way.

My daughter is 11 so trust me when I say that it's not impossible to raise modest girls. Or girls who aren't swarming around Twilight at the age of 9 (ick, ick, ick). My daughter still plays with Littlest Pet Shop and her American Girl dolls. There's hope, sister!

Becca said...

This is one reason why I just adore you Amanda! You can spit out the perfect words for what so many of us are thinking! Love you much!

Christy said...

I literally feel sick to my stomach after reading this. I do not understand why any mother or father would EVER think this is ok. I won't put my 2 year old in a bikini and never will because I don't want her to turn it back on me when she's a teenager "well you let me where one when I was 2, so why isn't it ok now?". Modesty is such a virtue that so many are flipping their nose at.
I have to say that I also don't like the pants and shorts that have words on the behind, imo it's just directing attraction to the backside and I don't want a pervert looking at my 2 year olds behind anymore than I want them looking at it when she's 16.

If we're not leading the way now, how will we ever be able to guard and protect them as they get older?

Haley Frederick said...

AMEN and AMEN!!! A little boy in my daughter's class at MDO was wearing a shirt the other day that said, "I only date models". Are you kidding me?!?! You're 3 for goodness sakes.

Annika said...

A thousand amens. I am so glad to know I'm not alone in feeling that way...what you described about the cheerleading outfits. I am NOT looking forward to shopping with my three girls when they are older...but will fight HARD to find modest clothing for them. My mother did the same thing with my clothes that your mom did with the lace...and I am SO GRATEFUL today. I'm with you on this, Amanda!! Sounds like MANY other people are too. How encouraging.

Melissa said...

BRAVO!!! Go go girl, fabulous post. I have two daughters (9yrs and 1yr) and I am so afraid for them and their innocence. It has helped tremendously that my oldest is in a Christian school with uniforms, much less temptation to want to dress like a tart. You better believe if problems arise her hiney will be home-schooled! We just attended a Secret Keepers Girl event at our church and it was wonderful!!!! Heard of it? I highly recommend it, http://secretkeepergirl.com/

Lisa said...

Oh Amanda I sooooo get what you're saying. My daughter is 12 years and when she was younger I sewed a lot of her clothes simply because I didn't like her looking like a tart at that age. Now it's harder - I still don't want her to look like that yet it's not so cool to wear Mum's homemade stuff now so we have differing opinions on the clothes. I'm dreading the years to come.

However I think the saddest thing I've ever seen was a young girl around 3-4yrs walking through our local mall dressed to the nines in skinny jeans, high heel black boots, tight top, full make-up and beautiful long blonde hair that had streaks. That poor child :-(

Lisa Taylor said...

This is a great post! I'm a Pastor's wife in Arizona with two girls (and a boy) and I could not agree more!

Hayley said...

I completely agree! And I LOVE your comment about your mom and the lace for your 7th grade dress. My mom "fixed" my TENTH grade Minnie Mouse Halloween costume with a gigantic red flower at the V-neck! :) I hope my little girl will one day think I'm as great as I now think my mom is.

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

My daughter cheered on a benign rec lead squad for her brother's football team this year. We're talkin' Lemonade Crushed Ice cheers. Anyway, an opposing cheerleading squad of 7-8 year olds did a half time dance to Lo Lo Lo and oh my heck, did they get Lo! While their freaky mothers joined in from the sidelines!

So yeah, I get you on the sickening thing. Pretty sure I would have lost my religion had I had the opportunity to converse with the sponsors.

Heather said...

I whole heartedly agree!! Preach it, Sister! :)
I have a 13 yo daughter who cheers, but thankfully, we live in a VERY conservative town and the girls have to wear long sleeve/turtleneck tops under their cheer uniform top! And the skirts are not too short. If it was any other way, she would NOT be cheering. We have to do all we can to protect our young girls. :)

ncgator said...

Amen, sister.
Mom of 2 elementary age girls

Mammy said...

Preach on, Siesta! You are dead on.

Kimberly and Grace said...

I will often have Grace look at someone's outfit and then tell her "Please don't ever think about wearing that." It's something we discuss a lot and I want to ingrain in her little mind what is pleasing to God and what is NOT!

It's one of the things that I absolutely LOVE about your mom. She dresses so cute!!! She's incredibly beautiful and frankly I wish she'd have a yard sale because I'd fly to Houston to buy the things she wears. She proves you can wear things that are cute without being provocative.

Her discussion in Esther (can't remember which lesson) on this subject was AWESOME! I loved every minute of her dialogue about how we as women dress. It's not only about our little girls, as there are some adult women who need to learn this.

April said...

In our town there is a dance studio that says they are Christian-owned. And, while they do offer a Christian dance class, they also have girls in immodest costumes and way too much make-up performing suggestive moves at the recital! After one year there (preschool), we switched to a classical ballet school with lovely, modest costumes where the girls learn beautiful ballet moves.

My oldest will be entering her teen years soon, and she still has a strong sense of modesty, so I want to encourage those with younger girls that it can be done!

Karen said...

Amen Siesta! I have 3 girls and am also disgusted at that behavior. I was raised to ask if Jesus would approve.... every time I dress. I am very conscious of my cleavage --especially. Is this how we teach young girls to value their bodies? Not to mention there are so many child predators roaming about. I gross out seeing those commercials on TLC about the beauty pageant contestants...... Our society is falling so fast I cannot believe it. These girls are also becoming increasingly sassy too. Amanda, guard your precious ones from the Disney and Nickolodeon preteen & teen shows that promote so much of this behavior. Ok enough ranting....Blessings!

jennyhope said...

Girl yes!! I freaked out when I saw the toddlers and tiaras program on one of those channels. My 4 year old said it was "disgusting". COULD NOT BELIEVE that parents would allow there children to focus on that. The whole princess movement scares me a little because yes in Christ we are princesses but that doesn't mean it is all going to be a fairy tale here. I am so with you. I saw something similar the other day and it makes me want to run up to the parents and shake them.

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Preach it girl.

My favorites are the t-shirts for little, little girls that say "Boy toy" or "Boy crazy". Also, the shorts with little girls with words across the butt. What parent in their right mind essentially FORCES strangers to stare at their daughter's behind?? That is so obscene.

I even get upset by the t-shirts Target has that say "My brother's a monster." I'm sorry but, you may not call my son names.

And all the "diva" stuff for girls...Diva is NOT character trait I am working to install in my girls. I spend hours every day working against their inner diva. Diva is just a fancy word for sinner.

Yeah. You hit a nerve.

Heidi Winter Tracht said...

Amanda, I am the mother of 2 sons, but I share your concerns for the young girls and teen girls in our culture. In fact, just this week I reviewed 2 books on my blog relating to the cultural phenomenon, "Twilight." If you, or any of your readers, are interested in a good resource to promote critical thinking from a Christian perspective in regards to "Twilight," check out my review this week (Nov. 15-18) at:

www.hwinter-tracht.blogspot.com

There are four posts that relate to the subject, but "Faith & Fangs, Part II" on Nov. 18 specifically addresses the resource.

Kari said...

My daughter is 11 and I tell you - I feel like it is me against the world sometimes! I am so thankful that when I am not sure what I think of an outfit I simply say, "You have to ask Dad" and Dad is way tougher than me - he knows how a boy's mind works. Anyway - at this point she doesn't really fight me, she willingly changes attire, but I know the years ahead are going to be HARD because there is SO much trash out their to choose from!! AND, many Christian friends do not seem to think a thing of showing it all off!!! Thanks for sharing your post - it is an encouragement to know I am NOT alone!

Misty said...

Amanda, you are so right! My 5 yr old and I just had this discussion last night on the way home from Wed night church. One of the little girls has dance just before church and comes to church dressed that way. It upset my Emma so bad. She said "Mommy, do they really think that looks pretty?" Praise the Lord she getd it!! For now, anyway!

Angela said...

You are absolutely right! My son is 3 years old. When we were at Disney a 4 year old girl came up to us and she was dressed at Jasmine. Her stomach was exposed and she looked very pretty as Jasmine. My son could not resist looking at her. He literally checked her out. It was horrible. The girls Dad saw this and got upset, you could tell he didn't like her wearing that and boys looking at her, the Mom didn't seem to care,neither did the girl. We quickly diverted our son to a toy we just bought him so he wouldn't stare anymore. We have a daughter and we talked about her dressing that way and my husband said she couldn't go in public with anything like that on, especially after seeing our son react that way and he is only 3 years old. We must guard our children from images like this teach them what is pleasing to the Lord and not pleasing to the world.

Kathy Cubley said...

Thank you for wisdom for one in your generation!! It gives me a glimmer of hope. By the way, I put the ugly lace in the V of my dress last month...I was the mother of the Groom! Some of us a still modest!

Catrina said...

My heart hurts, but I should not be surprised.

katiegfromtennessee said...

Oh My, Little Momma, lots to talk about in this post. I agree, I don't find that "Future Trophy Wife" t-shirt to be funny at all. Going to my little sisters cheer competitions over the years has shown me plenty of what you were talking about with that local cheer gym. They dance moves are not right, you don't want to see them. I think if my girl wants to do something like that, we will have to find something she can do that does not involve cleavage or hiney or anything else that is inappropriate. Momma is laying down the standards while she is young! Yes! I want her heart to be seeking after Him and not some boy for affection. She will also have a daddy that loves her and will tell her so, I'm certain. That helps so much!

katiegfromtennessee

Michael Becerra said...

Ok, I don't read this blog regularly but I loved this post. I agree with you on everything you said about the immodesty so prevalent in today's society. I will read this blog more consistently in the future. God Bless you for speaking your mind.

Lori at The Davidson Den said...

Very. well. put.
I concur on all counts!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hollie said...

Thank you for posting this!! It is so good to see that there are other moms out there that think the same way that I do. I live near the DFW area and around here, they start the girls off YOUNG dressing like tramps and showing skin, both midriff & so short of skirts they can't bend over... all because the mom thinks that THAT is cute! Ugh, it makes me sick.

Nice to know I'm not alone in my thinking! Mucho Love girl, Mucho Love!
Hollie (aka: Groovewoman)