Thursday, March 03, 2011

Cherry Coke With a Side of Grace

The kids went to preschool today and I spent the morning in a nice, quiet house. I took my time getting the laundry folded, making beds, and putting toys back in their places. I had to get ready for a board meeting at LPM, but I didn't have to rush.

I thought about it being Rodeo Day at the preschool and I hoped that Jackson wouldn't be the only one in his class not dressed like a cowboy. Or if he was, that he wouldn't care. He had a pair of boots when he was a toddler, but his feet were too wide for them and I could hardly wedge them in. He would need the Stride Rite version of cowboy boots and I just didn't feel motivated to buy them for a one day thing. This is heresy in Texas but what can I say? I dressed Jackson in a t-shirt with guitars on it and explained that at the rodeo there are country music singers and they play guitars. So there! We were legit!

On my way to the meeting I decided to stop by Jackson's future elementary school and pick up his kindergarten registration packet. I called Curtis and told him what I was doing. "I'm about to go in our kid's school for the first time. Take this in with me!" I'm not sure he really went there mentally or emotionally. In fact, he didn't.

I pulled up behind a dad carrying in a special lunch for his kid. I didn't know where I was going, so I followed him happily. I was smiling and in a good mood. He opened the door and there it was - the inside of the school! My eyes took it all in. I guess I expected it to look like my old elementary but it was much lighter inside.

I stood in line behind the dad at the front desk and when it came my turn, I said, "Can I have a kindergarten registration packet, please?" The ladies behind the desk were very nice and explained how this would work. I said, "Okay, thanks so much!" in an overly chipper tone and waltzed out of the school. Happily. Cheerfully.

Halfway down the sidewalk my throat started getting a wicked lump in it. No! And my nose started to sniff uncontrollably. I made it to my car before my eyes gave it away. Before I was out of the school zone, I was crying like an idiot.

People, I could not have been more shocked. I wasn't even thinking sentimental thoughts and it just hit me. I can only imagine what kind of blubbering fool I'm going to be when he actually starts. Maybe I'll get it out of my system before then. Curt will probably be the one having a public catharsis. He's been known to go years between crying sessions and then let it all out in front of large groups.

The only thing I could do was call my mother. We talked about how maternal love is so deep in your subconscious that it can just smack you upside the head out of nowhere. Actually, we discussed it in more elegant terms but I can't remember how my mom said it. She told me she had cried the same tears the first time she went to my school back in the day. It's a good thing I really like my mama because emotionally, we are the same person.

Later when I picked up Jackson the first thing he said to me was not, "Why wasn't I dressed like a cowboy?" but "Why didn't you come to Rodeo Day?"


"Baby, I had a meeting today. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was supposed to be there."

"Why didn't Daddy come? No one was there for me."

Shoot me now.

I thought he was going to start crying. I felt like dirt. Lower than dirt. Pond scum.

I knew parents could come, but I did not grasp that this was one of the events they should come to. Like, last week there was a petting zoo that we could come to to take pictures. And this week - at least for my child - it was a should scenario.

Help me, Jesus. I just ruined my son's childhood.

We got in the car and Jackson asked if we could get frozen yogurt. That would require getting my very-fragile-after-school toddler in and out of the car an additional time, so I remained silent. "Mommy, can we go to Sonic?"

Yes! What do you want? A banana shake? Certainly! A little cheeseburger? Why, yes! With a Cherry Coke and a side of grace for Mommy? That sounds perfect.


Monica said...

I was 6 months pregnant when my daughter had her first day of kindergarten. I didn't expect just emotions, but multiplied-times-a-million emotions. (After all I used to cry just driving by the school.) As I walked her in to her class that first day, I kept wanting to burst into tears. But then I saw how slap-happy she was to be excited she was for this new adventure...and my tears dried up. I was suddenly so excited for what lie ahead of her that I absolutely couldn't cry. My husband was speechless that I wasn't emotional. All that to say...maybe that's what that Jackson's first day will be like for you. May your heart swell with joy that your boy is embarking on an amazing new road.

debra parker said...

The morning I dropped Carly off at kindergarten, I also dropped Colt off at all day Preschool.

There were a lot of tears, but thankfully, not until I made it to the car.

I still remember the way that lump in my throat and pain in my heart felt like. All of that mixed with excitement for them and for me.

Marian said...

My 11-year old just found his kindergarten DVD that documented the entire year -- all the cool events like "Teddy Bear Day", "Dinosaur Day", "Blue Day," "Pack Everything In Your Lunch That Starts with a Letter B Day". I hear him call out from the living room, "Mom, I had to borrow Mrs. Minkle's Pooh Bear and you packed a pickle in my lunch."

"Son, I'm teaching you to be unique."

Go, Amanda, teach that son of yours to stand out for Jesus. :)

Beth said...

I had that same identical feeling out of nowhere when my son walked into the gym for his first high school pep rally as a senior. He was in the front as the class president. Out of nowhere, totally unexpected, it rolled up into my throat and I had to hold it together. Be prepared because you never know when it's coming- just like your mom said.

Jennifer said...

I still get emotional and my daughter is in first grade. I keep praying that it gets easier. And I remember not attending a preschool event that I thought was "optional" but it turned out that I was the only mom not there. Thank the Lord our children forgive and forget so quickly!

Big Mama said...

So far I have cried on the first day of school every year. I don't really know that there will come a day when I won't.

And I don't mean a few delicate tears. I mean UGLY cry.

Ashley said...

We have to register for kindergarten next week for my 2nd baby girl...we'll see how that goes. I am very prone to emotionalism, and it usually hits me unexpectedly.

And I totally related to the "why weren't you there for ______?" I have had that happen more than once...and for the last two weeks in a row I have forgotten to take my little girls bag of things that start with the letter of the week to her preschool class. Thankfully, that one just isn't bothered much by that.

Erin Ward said...

Since I've spent so much time in kindergarten classrooms, I always try to imagine what it's like for the parents. Obviously I don't have kids yet, so I can't fully understand. But I know that starting kindergarten is such a HUGE deal for the whole family, and I always try to be empathetic and helpful!

Missy said...

I LOVE first time parents on the first day of Kindergarten. The difference now with me being a mom is that I cry with them.

Cindy said...


When I dropped my oldest off at kindergarten I was a sobbing mess toting a preschooler who thought her mommy was koo-koo. When we got home my little girl crawled under the coffee table and stayed there. All day. When I asked her why she would not come out she said she missed her sister too much to come "oufta hewre". I made her a plate of cookes with chocolate milk for lunch and crawled under there with her until 2:00...time to go get her sister. Grace is a beautiful thing.

Katie said...

Oh the mommy guilt. If there was fine print it would be in there that it would come with the mommy instinct like a computer virus, just kind of snuck in or something but pervasive and not passive. I so get that.

As for the crying at the first day of school. I think it safer with my pregnancy hormones and emotions not to think about it yet. I might cry and my daughter only just turned two.

Misty said...

I missed my oldest daughter's Kindergarten feast. I thought it was just for the kids - I go to everything else, and no one told me I was supposed to go to the feast. Then, she got home from school that day and was telling me how "everyone's moms" were there and how she even HAD A SPEAKING LINE in a little play they did. She is in 2nd grade now, and I still can't look at the pictures in her yearbook from that feast.
Thankfully, I've learned that children are amazing givers of grace.

Tabaitha said...

My son doesn't start Kindergarten for another year and a half and I'm already dreading the day. I know he will do great, but I will be a complete and utter mess. I asked my husband if he could distract me with a spa day. I just feel sorry for the massage therapist that will have to work on me that day. I'll be a blubbering mess.

Sara said...

Okay, I sincerely believe sometimes that we're living parallel lives in some way based on the timing of some of your blog posts. Just today I was picking up a packet and looking at dates for kindergarten orientation for my oldest, Caleb, who turned 5 on Feb. 13th. Out of nowhere I was slammed with a cryfest.
What in the world?!?
I even wrote about it on my facebook, saying something like "wasn't he born like two days ago?? And am I THAT mom already??"
Yes, yes I am.
And I am so glad that I'm not alone!! :) Thanks for sharing your day!!

Jessica said...

Let me just tell you that I always said, "I am NOT going to be one of those moms who cries when she drops her child off at Kindergarten! I will be doing cartwheels down the halls!" Please don't think I am heartless or that I don't love my kids, but they are 14.5 mths apart and the preschool years were very hard on me emotionally. Well... I said that up until Kindergarten preview day, when we took Madison, my oldest, to see where she'd be going to school. I made it fine until we walked into what is now her classroom (we didn't know at the time) and the teacher told the students to stand up by their chairs and sing the "Good Morning" song. I lost it right there in front of everyone. Not just little tears, but a full on ugly cry. No matter what I did, I couldn't stop the tears. And I had many more moments like that between that day and the 1st day of school. So, that first morning of school, I fully expected to be a mess. But, surprisingly, no tears and she was SOOO excited, I couldn't help but want to do cartwheels down the halls b/c I knew she was going to love it. It's hard to let them go, but I think God prepares us for that big day. And you will love all the fun things that you will get to help with as a kindergarten mama! SOO many fun things! He's gonna love it!

The Parker Family said...

I cried at the Kindergarten sneak-a-peek. It was crazy! All the other parents seemed so excited that their child would be starting kindergarten. I just wanted to grab Jackson (my oldest son's name as well) and never let him go. I mean really who were these people that I was handing him over to for 35 hours of his week? This year has been very difficult emotionally with him at school all the time. It is probably best for both of us, however letting go is so hard. I just want control over his life, his friends, his schedule, his day, his learning, etc. This I no longer have as much I would prefer. I trust that God is watching over him when I am not there and helping him to make good choices. I will probably take to the bed for a week when I send him to college...ha!

Lina said...

Oh, I remember...I was very pregnant with my third child when my oldest, my boy, started Kindergarten. His little sister, 19 months behind him, was at preschool. He raced off to line up with the others kids outside of his classroom, and my tears started to flow. Someone I didn't know (an angel, I think) came up to me and wordlessly just gave me a hug.

Kelli said...

So sorry, Amanda! I feel your pain! We live overseas so our kids rarely get to participate in any kind of organized church Christmas event. I mean, we have a house group that meets and we do our own thing but it's nothing like the big productions here in the states. We were actually somewhat overwhelmed by all of the programs that our kids participated in over the holidays- between church and school it was way overwhelming. Anyway, my parents drove the girls to the first program- our 4 year old's 1st Christmas choir production ever- she was so excited. Well. My husband and i were sick that day so mom had the girls and drove them to church for practice where we planned to meet them for the big event... Which started at 5. We thought it started at 6. And it was so crowded that mom didn't realized before it was too late that we weren't there. I cried like a baby (doesn't help that I"m pregnant and therefore even more hormonal!!). My sweet baby asked me for the next month if I knew what time such and such event was starting!

Anonymous said...

I don't remember crying to much when my kids started kindergarten but I bawled the entire year my son was a senior, (last year) because just yesterday he was in kindergarten! Funny how that happens!! This is a sweet season you are in right now!!

Mary R Snyder said...

sweet Amanda -- motherhood is so precious and heart twisting. And Kindergarten is a big step -- I remember thinking it wasn't a big deal either and then just losing it the day my baby headed off to that big school.

And on the not being there for the special day... I think you handled it so well -- Sonic is a great cure-all.

You have a sweet heart.

Mary said...

I can't imagine the Kindergarten tears yet (I have one more year,) but I had a mother of the year moment this week too. And it made me sob. And feel like pond scum (love that movie!) My son told me he hurt his knee and I didn't believe him because he kept switching knees while showing me where it hurt. I even made him tell his teacher he'd told a lie and his knee was okay. Then the next day his complaints got worse so we took him to the Dr. Torn ligament. He's four. He is too little to accurately describe where it hurts apparently. It was a hard day for me!

Unknown said...

Amanda, I have followed your blog off and on since I had my first baby - she is now 4.5 years old. I went to A&M as well and knew of your blog through various people. Anyways, I'm not sure if I have ever commented. But this one got me.
I had thought I was going to homeschool my kids, but over the past few months, I have felt a nudging from the Lord that it is okay for me to send her to public and in fact it would be a good thing for our family (I also have a 3yo and an 18mo).
Anyways, we took a walk by her school today and I was starting to tell her that this is where she would be going to school in the Fall and I just lost it. Big ol' tears came pouring out and I was trying to get the words out. It didn't even phase her. She had a bazillion questions and was just so excited at the prospect of going to a big kid school. And it hit me. She is going to be all right. And your mother is right, those maternal emotions come out of nowhere and I realized that this was just the beginning of learning to let go. O, Lord, help us. :)
Thanks for blogging about the everyday.

Erica said...

Oh, girl. I just love how very real you are! Your authenticity encourages me greatly in this journey called motherhood!

Holly said...

I admit, I have never cried after dropping them off at school...and I wonder, what is wrong with me? But then I go with my whole family to Toy Story 3 (remembering that when it first came out, our Noah was just a little fella) and I cried the ugliest and loudest cry in the movie theater. I just kept thinking...before I know it, our 13 year old Noah will be off to college...and what will his toys do? (trying to make a joke, but is hard letting them grow up from stage to stage).

Lauren said...

I am so glad the Lord gives me grace as a parent! AMEN to that! In my Mom to Mom class a couple of years ago, they used to say that God AND our kids give us grace--that they give us more than we realize--and that was very encouraging to me.

And speaking of encouraging, check out this verse from Isaiah 40 about the care God gives not only our children but also their parents:

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

So glad he gently leads me!

Angela said...

Don't feel bad, I already have those thoughts about how I will get through Ava's first day of school. I already hope and pray that she will be liked and like going! Is this weird? It feels like it since she is just turning two! ha
Your a great mommy, after the trip to Sonic I bet he did not remember a thing! It is so hard at times to me a mommy with all the other responsibilities of life. I have mommy guilt 3 days a week when I work....Arggg....does it ever stop?!?

Shellie Paparazzo said...

That must be why I like you and your mama so much. I wish I had someone to talk to when I'm sad. I don't, which is probably why I can't shed a single tear, until it's the middle of the night and I'm alone in my bed. This not being able to process anything is bad when you have a background of emotional, physical, AND sexual abuse, believe me!

Melody Reid said...

My girls are 17, 19, and 21. The oldest two are in college. Thought you'd get a kick out of these two pictures I have of my saying goodbye to them the day we dropped them off, but I don't think it's possible to post them here. I tried to drop them into this post but it didn't work. Being a mom and saying goodbye does NOT get any easier!

Jennifer said...

Oh I remember those days. Lots of tears for all three! Now struggling with "mommy guilt" for having to work full-time and not being able to make it to anything. :( It's tough.

Lisa said...

When I dropped my son off at Kindergarten the first day, I was so beyond proud of myself for not crying. Literally the second I pulled the car away from the curb after the volunteer mom got him out of the car, I lost it. I could barely see to drive. Thank goodness we only live 1/4 mile from the school! God is so good, though. I get to do it one more time with my youngest. I wasn't quite ready to let go of that phase of my life, I guess, and He knew that. I try to remind myself how grateful I am to have it to do all over again during his umpteen night wakings and precocious moments (which are many these days!) If I recall, I got a fancy coffee after that Kindergarten drop-off. A Sonic cherry coke sounds way better, though!

Nelson's Mama said...

I remember the day I took my oldest for her kindergarten evaluation, I was trying so hard to hold back the tears that I was quite brusk to the nice teachers that helped her that day. It felt like they were trying to take her away from me!

My youngest was just four months old and she was with us, it didn't help the situation when I realized at the end of the evaluation that I'd forgotten to button my blouse completely after nursing her!

I doubt they were looking forward to seeing me when school started!

Missy June said...

Oh dear! My little girlie will begin K in the fall. I was certainly weepy when my first went and I'm sure I will be with her, also - it is a change in the seasons of parenting. However, you will be thrilled at how your little guy enjoys school, "blooms" socially and your excitement will grow.

Emmy said...

I totally understand!!!!

My first born is graduating in May... I think I get teary every time I look at him! Everything this school year has been a last for me! I've been just pitiful!

Love your title :)

The Johnsons said...

I love your tender heart and how much you love your family. No one warned me how emotional being a mom would be. When Liz starts Kindergarten I might come right back to this verse and cry with you.

poppylatte said...

Never commented here before. I love your blog because you remind me what it was like to be in the "midst" of little ones. Mine are much older now and I am in the "midst" junior highers and a highschooler.
This year I sent my oldest to high school. We had homeschooled for the past 7 years and I wasn't ready to give it up. However, I distinctly heard God speaking things like, "Give him to me...I have plans for him...I love him more than you...He was mine first." He said this over and over for a few months before I listened. I waited until the very last second before school started to register him. Even so, he got awesome teachers, got elected as treasurer of the freshman class and is loving playing football and the whole experience in general.
There have been many tears, some shed with uncontrollable sobs of sadness and some quiet tears of joy. Next year his younger brother will follow in his footsteps.
A wise woman whom I spoke to a long time ago when I was having trouble weaning my oldest from breastfeeding said some words that stuck with me and soothe me even today. She said, "Life is a series of weanings." That just hits me right in my mama heart: continual weaning, continual letting go and trusting God. Thank goodness it's gradual!

Jennifer said...

Ugh, I have had those days too when I thought it was maybe thing to come, and the little one I definately should have been there. I am hoping next year when she starts Kindgerten I will get this stuff straight!

Mari Bryant- Marks said...

I had a very similar moment the other night as I lay awake thinking abou the prospect of sending my 3rd baby off to preschool in the Fall. Gushing tears in the middle of the night! My poor husband. He thought someone had died and was pretty annoyed when I told him that I was in fact crying about an event 6 months away! Oh the curse {blessing} of loving our kids as much as our bodies can possibly stand!

pinkdaisyjane said...

I have the privilege of teaching in the room next to my son's PreK classroom, which means that when I forget to pack him a snack or sneakers, not only does he have several opportunities to ask me, with huge puppy dog eyes and a quivering lip, why I forgot, my whole class of middle schoolers hears him, too. Then they all tell stories of "when my mom forgot..." or "my dad didn't come..." and all I can think is, "He might actually remember this when he's 13?!?"

Lord, help me now!

I'll take my side of grace with an iced coffee, thankyouverymuch!

Marla Taviano said...

I go to pick up my baby's kindergarten packet Tuesday. I have a sick feeling that sending my youngest will be even harder than my oldest. I'll let you know, so you can decide whether or not to homeschool Annabeth. ;)

Mary H. said...

You are so sweet.
I wish I had been more emotional with my daughter. She will be 12 next week. What I would give to go back to the day I registered her for Kindergarten. I would have taken it all in more and cried!

Sallie Belle said...

Oh Amanda, I did the exact same thing, but at our oldest open house. It was in front of the teacher and it was uncontrolable. I had just had a baby 9 months before so doesn't that count? That oldest is now driving for the second week. I spend my days on my knees as she leaves. There are so many days that their expecations of us and our realities do not meet. A lot of grace is so required in parenting. A friend and I this morning said it keeps us closer to the Lord! Praying for you as you have young ones. You are a wonderful Mom!

Victoria said...

You aren't the only blubbering mommy this week, so don't feel alone girl!

My little boy Hunter turned one year old on the 2nd and I had the day off and he had his checkup scheduled. I just can't believe it has been a year. And he is our 2nd (and last) child, but wow, I just cried the day before his birthday, I cried on his birthday and I find myself wanting to cry today over it!

And my little girl Aspen will be 5 in June and starting kindergarten in the fall as I'm certain that I too will be blubbering as I register her and drop her off for her first day and so on.

Also, don't feel alone on the should-have-been-there days. I work full time and so a babysitter drops my daughter off at preschool every morning...I was waiting to pick her up two days ago and the other moms said to me "Oh, you're Aspen's mom. We didn't recognize you. You're the one who has the babysitter drop her off each day."
Yep! I'm THAT mom! and I don't make it to some important days like today is pajama/pizza party day, and I'm stuck in the office :(

Just know that (in my opinion) it's totally normal and I think we all feel like pond scum some days.

Hang in are a wonderful mommy and Sonic is a fantastic way to spend some time with your boy. I'm thinking I may take my Aspen today after work!

Thanks for pouring your heart out and sharing.
God bless and have a great weekend!

Rachel said...

yes and amen!


His Jules said...

My son is a senior this year in high school. I still cried when he left for the first day of school and the closer it gets to his last day of school, the more I have big ugly cries. The kind where you can't even find enough kleenex to help! As for the mommy guilt, the sonic idea sounds like the perfect remedy for now, recieving grace from your children is a gift I dont think we ever out grow!

Katie said...

I went grocery shopping right after I dropped the kids off at school on their first day. BIG mistake. All the moms were crying. At least I wasn't alone!

McElroy Family Happenings said...

You are beautiful and precious! Thank you for sharing your heart.

Heather said...

I've been a blog follower for a while now, but I rarely comment (yes, I'm a lurker!). However, I just had to share this . . .

I was on the phone with a focus group yesterday. They asked me a variety of questions. Then, they told me to quickly name 3 people that I would like to invite to dinner. For some reason the first 3 people who came to mind? Jesus, Matthew McConaughey, and your mother

The researcher laughed and said that was quite the combination of folks. It would make for an interesting dinner party, right?

Allison said...

Isn't it wonderful that at age 5 a trip to sonic can heal all wounds!

Ashli said...

One day, after six years of being on time to pick-up at elementary school, everything went wrong and I was a little late to pick up.
My son is on safety patrol, so that was not such a big deal. BUT when they got in the car, they gave me the inquisition. You would have thought that I had been late every day of my life the way they interrogated me as to why, oh WHY was I SO LATE (5 minutes, I promise!).
I still feel like a loser. Some Mom's park in the line 30 minutes before school is out, now I am not in that league, but I have been on time every since.
I think they'll survive, but I did mention there is a big yellow bus they could choose. They forgave me really quickly!

corriemae said...

Ahhhh I have one left in college and everytime he comes home then leaves again it just kills me.
So I think you have a long road ahead...sorry to be the bearer of bad news. All I can say is DRINK IT ALL UP, Enjoy every Minute of their school years. Go To Every Function. You Will Not Regret it.
Blessings to you and your family :)

Molly said...

I adore you! What a beautiful post.

Aren't you so glad that our Father is always there.

Toknowhim said...

You are precious...Just keep taking it all in, it does go by fast... My baby turned 12 this past week :)

Unknown said...

Awwww, Amanda! You're heart is so precious! I don't cry easily, but I did shed tears when my kids went to school! Actually, it was harder when my baby went to Kindergarten, four years ago. Now I'm on the opposite end and reluctantly counting the days until my first born graduates! (I might be a tad bit melodramatic here, he's only a freshman this year!) But seriously, four years FLY, and then we're facing the college goodbye. OUCH! As for missing Jackson's special day at preschool, I think you handled it marvelously! Missing stuff just stinks, but your Jackson loves you, and I'm sure he's over it already! :) I'm SO glad we aren't in the parenting thing alone! It's a HARD job!


Unknown said...

For some reason I cried more with my second child going to school than my first one. Good thing we know the great comforter.

Jack and Kate's Mommy said...

Thank you. I needed your blog today. I took my son to his First Reconciliation this morning. I waited with him as he nervously stood in line waiting for the priest. When his turn finally arrived, I went over to kneel and pray when it hit me. I was there in the pew crying like a baby. I had tears running down my face. I felt so foolish but thought that surely other moms were also overcome by emotions. Uh, nope, nada. As I tried to get it together, my son came running over to me with a huge bear hug. Needless to say, the tears began streaming down my face. Thank God I had a tissue in the bottom of my purse!

Marc and Charity said...

You've gotten a lot of sweet comments here- so I feel kind of bad because the only thing that comes to my mind is "Sonic to the rescue!" I must be so shallow. Or just really missing Sonic.

Messy Mosaic said...

This was adorable. I went through all of the same emotions, kindergarten for my baby girls led me to lots of tears, emotional eating, and spontaneous trips to Starbucks. At least you made it to the car, I was crying all the way down the hallway. And it hit me, I am one of those moms...and I'm so glad that I am!

connorcolesmom said...

Oh bless your heart!
I feel your pain - my oldest is in the 5th grade and I am just all torn up about him going to MIDDLE school next year!!
My baby is in first grade and I just DO not understand how time goes by so fast ;)
And trust me there is Grace in raising children - Praise God for that - right?!!
BTW: I am reading a new book that I just love "Have a new kid by Friday" By Dr Kevin Leman
It is SOO good - I only wished I had it when my kids were as young as yours - it is some great stuff!!!
Have a WONDERFUL day!

Lisa-Jo Baker said...

Girl, Sonic and a side of grace. Sounds like perfection in a drive through.

cece said...

I am in a constant state of feeling like I am slighting one of my 4 boys in one way or another. I try my darnest to make the moments that I seem to be "getting it right" moments that they will remember. Jesus promises me that He doesn't keep score....your beautiful children won't either!!
We need to allow ourselves to be human. It is hard for us that have a "perfectionist" bent :)

Jennifer said...

1. My daughter is currently in kindy...and probably known as "the child with the mother that clearly needs mental help" as I cried like a wild woman on her first day. No no, not little teary eyes, no, BAWLED. Like, I could not talk, that kinda bawled. It was bad. The teacher said it was normal. No, I'm sorry. You are a liar. Needless to say, she totally did great, learns so much, loves her teacher, even though said teacher is a liar.

2. I picked up my daughter from said kindy today and was asked "why didn't you come to chapel today?" I did what any good mother does, I blamed the little sister. Amen.

Kelli said...

I get a lump in my throat and get choked up every time I drive past the school C will go to. How do they grow up so fast?

And I am pretty sure that sweet boy gave you grace and will love it when you are at Kindergarten rodeo. :)

Anonymous said...

We've all been there - and need that side of grace. I just picked up my daughter's kindergarten registration too. Where did the time go?

Heather Arbuckle said...

We have a standing tradition that a Sonic Run is in order on a day like the one you described in this post. I have sooooooooo been there, girl! Thanks for making my heart smile and for helping me breathe a little deeper today. God bless.

Unknown said...

I've lived this day so many times, And I live in Kenya now, missing sonic a little. I was a working mom and missed many of these "could" come events. But, PRAISE GOD for sonic!!!!! is all I have to say. Love and Sonic covers a multitude of mommy "feel like a failure days". My kids even ask for cherry vanilla diet coke now and we all share a route 44 with extra cups of ice at happy hours. Especially on days when I have a meetings!
Thank you for sharing! Love your blog.

Missy said...

At my kids' school EVERY mom comes to EVERY thing they do and they do about 20 stinking things a month. Or at least it feels like it. And if you don't go, you are the one bad parent who didn't show up.

Um, aren't we missing the point of Mother's Day OUT???

Unknown said...

My kindergarten breakdown happened at Costco. My daughter is at the oldest range for her age, so she had been ready for so long and was so excited. I just could not help but be excited for her. Then the trip to Costco. With all day kindergarten I knew that a healthy, protien filled lunch with plenty of food she liked would help her have a successful day. I ended up bringing home so much food after a near breakdown including panic, fear, and sweating. Held back the tear until I sat in the car. The lunch put me over the edge!

Margie by the Sea said...

Hi, Amanda
Although I'm not really a blogger, I sometimes drop in just to catch up on your life, and to read what's happening in the life of your sweet family whom I came to know through the LPM site.

Today I wanted to ask for your prayers for a young mother, much like you. She is a strong believer who lost her husband suddenly just before Christmas. Her name is Tricia.

She blogs at:
and her faith and tenacity have taught me so much about what He means when He tells us that He is with us in all circumstances. She is, like you, a gifted writer.

Don’t quite understand why I felt so drawn to share this with you.
I pray for blessings to fall on you and all your family.
Hilton Head

katiegfromtennessee said...

Amanda, bless your heart. I had a moment kinda similar to that when I weaned my baby girl. Thought I would be celebrating newfound freedom of sorts, but instead felt a little sad. I'm praying I'll do okay with each milestone. He helps me though, He knows I need it:) Blessings, Love in Him, ((HUGS))

MarytheKay said...

"It's a good thing I really like my mama because emotionally, we are the same person."

--I love that!! Made me smile, and giggle a little!

Also, AMEN for Sonic and not having to get toddlers in and out of the car. Sonic can make all bad days better!!!