Friday, August 17, 2007

One And A Half

Dear Jackson,

Today you are 18 months old. I'm not sure how every mother feels about this mark in time, but it seems like a big milestone to me. I've been so serious today. Even though I tried to shake it, I just couldn't smile and laugh as usual. I think I was mourning a little bit because there is absolutely nothing I can do to keep you from getting so big! Not that I'm not looking forward to things to come. I am. But I am enjoying you so much exactly how you are right now. It's not all fun and games - you do have some serious teething going on and you're experimenting with tantrums. But I just love you so much and I want to remember every single thing about you at this age. Sometimes I don't even know how to tell you how much I love you. All I can say is, "Jackson, you are Mommy's heart."

I can't freeze time. I can't save an 18-month-old version of you to go back and play with when I get home from dropping you off at kindergarten. So here is what your life is like at 18 months old.

When you wake up in the morning, you enjoy jumping up and down in your bed. Then I put you in your high chair and give you some raisin toast and half a banana. You watch Go Diego Go while you eat and I sit next to you having my quiet time. I do not think the Lord minds when I stop and sing the songs with you. I love how you grin at the Rescue Pack with half a piece of toast stuffed in your mouth. If I let you out of your chair before I'm done, you inevitably crawl onto the couch and try to steal my pen. That is when I call out so sweetly to Daddy to get out of the bed and come play with you.

This month I've been weaning you off the bottle. You were supposed to be off the bottle at 12 months, but that is when I actually started you on one. You had one every now and then until 6 months, but at that point you said HECK NO every time I tried. I felt that nursing you for a year earned me 6 months of giving you a bottle and I do not feel one bit bad about that. You had your very last bottle last night. I held you in the glider and rocked you while you drank it. You really don't even fit in my arms like that anymore, so I wasn't as tearful as I thought I might be.

Right now you like to say "What's that?" and point at everything. It sounds more like "Was da?" We are working on the words for things in your room like fan, window, chair, book, pillow, blanket, ball, dog, and bear. I think you already know a lot of it but you are keeping it a secret from me. You actually talk a whole lot, but Mommy and Daddy aren't smart enough to figure it all out yet. We could really use a toddler dictionary. You do say ball (boll) and dog (dah). You shake your head no and I don't think it will be much longer before you start saying it. When we ask you a question and you don't know the answer, you raise your hands in the air. Recently you started saying "bee bee!" or "wee wee!" when you want something. You get a really desperate look on your face and it makes me laugh. Another thing that makes me laugh is how Ella and Ava say "Mommy" so sweetly. When you say my name it is always embedded in a whine or a grunt. MaMAAAAAA!!!!!

You and Daddy have a new game. You stand on opposite ends of the room and Daddy says, "One, two, three, go!" And then you run as fast as you can to him and fall in his arms. You will say, "Uh, uh, UH!" before you take off. If I'm really lucky you'll do it for me, too. You love it when Daddy gets home from work. When you see him peeking in the window you laugh until you're breathless and go running toward him. A few weeks ago he bought you a baseball bat and y'all have had lots of fun with that. Mommy pitches to you and Daddy and y'all hit the balls together. You still love to play with balls more than anything.

This month you became fascinated with spoons and forks. If a utensil is there and I don't let you use it, there is heck to pay. Sometimes (okay, all the time) it is much, much easier just to let you pick things up with your fingers. I am going to try to get better about not caring what a mess you make and how much food you waste trying. Otherwise, you'll never learn, right? Last night you fed yourself your whole dinner with a fork and you were very pleased.

Son, I cannot even explain how cute you are. Your facial expressions are hilarious. You have a silly grin that wrinkles your nose and squints your eyes. I love letting you run around with just shorts or pants on because you look like a little man. You tend to walk with your chest puffed out, which just adds to your little man-liness.

Jackson Jones, you have turned Mommy's life upside down...and I have never enjoyed my life more. I love you so, so much. You are my heart.
-Mommy

34 comments:

Fran said...

Oh Amanda...I just smiled and my heart just melted as I read this.
My youngest son is "6 1/2" and I just can't take it! I really do wish I could freeze him and pull out this version when he's 14. It just all changes so fast.....but, my oldest is 11 and its cool to see where he is heading....there just aren't all those precious games with dad....just a newer, older version....he still would rather eat with his hands than use a fork.....and he can watch tv for hours if i'd let him.

Some things stay the same...some things totally change!! I know you do...but just get your arms around that little guy and hug and squeeze and kiss the fire out of him....

They are the greatest gift on this Earth!! Thank you Jesus for all our babies!
Blessings...

barbara head said...

Oh, my goodness! Time does just seem to fly by and especially when you have children. Do enjoy every single moment with him right now because "tomorrow" you will wake up and he will be a teenager, raging with hormones. Not trying to scare you but every moment is really precious. You have great family and I am so enjoying seeing Jackson grow-up. Love to ya'll.

Shelly said...

This one was precious: "When we ask you a question and you don't know the answer, you raise your hands in the air."

I have been able to 'steal' 3 little-mans while I've been visiting home. Oh my heart!

Tracy said...

That is so sweet! Happy Birthday Sweet Jackson!

Ang baylis said...

Precious post, Amanda! You never miss a detail. That's what I call cherishing every moment of your son! I just love those expressions they can make!

Keep sharing your photos! We love to see those beautiful eyes!

Have a great Saturday!
I'm going to Anthropologie today...Thanks! ;)
Angie xoxo

BooMama said...

You have officially ripped out my heart on this fine Saturday morning. But I don't mind so much, because now I don't feel like I have to clean. What with no longer having a heart and all.

Teri said...

It is amazing what a little life can do when it comes right from God to you! I tell my kids the same thing Amanda, "You are my heart!" I have been saying that to them since each of them were born. It is the only thing that can truly describe what happened when they were gifted to me, that is exactly how it should be! You have a beautiful family!

anita from kansas said...

I heard once that when someone chooses to have a child they will forever after carry their heart outside of their body. You verify the validity of the saying. I sure hope you have lots of audio tapes of the conversations and Jackson's giggles. They would be future treasures you will cherish. GAR-UN-TEED!!!

CrownLaidDown said...

You'll find that these precious times just come along and happen and you soak them up...and feel it.

This is how I feel with Sydney, our last, unless God sends an adopted child. So as she head towards one year next Saturday, I find myself wanting to hold her a little longer and rock her a bit more. I think, the next time will be grandkids (and with four, my chances are good :)
Blessings on you, sweet Mama!
Holly

Big Mama said...

This whole post just melts my heart. I was just telling a friend last night that everytime Caroline reaches a new age, I decide it's my new favorite age. But there's still something so bittersweet about leaving the old age behind.

Abby said...

thanks for letting us share in these sweet moments

"...you ARE my heart..." --that's my favorite :)

Dionna said...

Amanda, that is such a priceless entry. I wish I had had blogs when my girls were babies. I do have some entries in journals but nothing as regular as a blog would have been. What a blessing and privilege to peek in on your heart through words today.

connorcolesmom said...

What a precious tribute to your little man. 18 months is a such a fun age!!
My baby (3yr old) starts preschool on Tuesday and while I am excited for him I am a bit weepy as well. I think I will be the only one sporting the tears though because he has wanted to go to school since big brother started kindergarten. Time goes by so fast...
God bless,
Kim

Jackie said...

okay Amanda, you have me sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks- girl, you have a gift for words. Isn't it just amazing and terrifying at the same time how much we can possibly LOVE our children. I mean, grip me by the throat, feel like I can't breathe at the thought of something happening, kind of love- it is an amazing thing. Gives me the slightest glimpse of how much God loves me and what a SACRIFICE He made when He gave His son for us- just makes my throat tighten with tears.
Thanks for sharing this little glimpse into yours, Curt's, and Jackson's lives. We are blessed to read these sweet words.
Take care.

Mommy-loguer said...

Such a sweet, sweet letter! I loved reading all the things your son does at 18 months...my daughter will be 18 months in 3 short weeks...doesn't the time just fly by? Wasn't it just yesterday we were smelling their new baby scent and putting on the tiny newborn diapers?? This age is so fun & I just love hearing what Jackson is up to!

Blessings!
Kim

Gayle said...

So sweet. It is so true that things go by so fast with our kids. I remember those same sentiments with my first baby. He turns 11 in two weeks, and he is now the oldest of 4. I could just weep everytime my brain starts to wrap around this..
Happy 1/2 Birthday Jackson! :)

Suzi said...

I'm right there with you on this sentance,

"I think I was mourning a little bit because there is absolutely nothing I can do to keep you from getting so big!"

My son Noah just turned 3 on the 12th and Joshua wil be 18mo. on the 23rd I can hardly stand it! On Noah's birthday when it was time for bed I rocked him for as long as he could stand and when he finally went to sleep I just watched him cryed and thanked God for my sweet boy! Now with Joshua about to be 18mo. I feel like my heart is going to burst, it's all going way too fast!

The Preacher's Wife said...

Chronicling these days is absolutely the best gift you could ever give yourself. I could just kick myself for not being more intentional when mine were little about documenting details.

While you are in the throes of toddlerhood, you don't think you could possibly forget the darling things they said and did, but 4 children later I strain to remember.

This was beautiful...I believe I'll go now and prayerfully resist the urge to beat myself up over my 1/2 finished baby books..:)

Beth Anne said...

There is something about your own baby that changes your life in way you could never have imagined before. They are your whole world and words cannot describe the feelings - deepest ever feelings that you feel for them.
Last year when my oldest son started kindergarten, when the teacher told the parents it was time to leave, I cried like I was at a funeral (the other parents must have thought I was a freak!). I sat in my car outside the school looking into his room in hopes of catching a glimpse of his red hair while I cried so hard I thought I would throw up. Never in a million years did I dream that I would love anyone so much that I couldn't stand to be away from them.
It seems like yesterday that I was rejoicing over first steps and first words, now we are getting ready to start having homework! Each stage of his life has been a blast so far, but I have to say that there is something wonderful about them being totally dependent upon you (even though it IS tiring at times). I would give anything to be able to have him 18 months old again just for a day--these are precious times for you guys!

Anonymous said...

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body - Elizabeth Stone

Sharon said...

That was sweet.
I remember those times. Mine are now 9 and I have one that turned 18 this week. It flies by.

Janelle & Ella said...

So sweet. I'm teary up a little bit right now.
I got to see Jackson do the 1 2 3 hug daddy thing today and it was SO precious.
I almost couldn't handle the part about you giving him his last bottle. I can't think about that or Heath might have to admit me.
This was definitely a hard milestone for me as well. Big Mama's comment is encouraging, that every age is her favorite age.
We love you Jackson!

THE SMITHS said...

Oh my gosh I just want to cry after reading that! I can't imagine how loved your 'little man' will feel one day when he's old enough to read these letters and really understand your love for him. Awww....

ashley said...

Amanda, that was the sweetest letter ever!! :) It made me smile the entire time. :)

twinkle said...

Beautiful! I've enjoyed reading your posts and this one was my very favorite. They grow up so fast so enjoy every second...

susanna said...

Amanda...I know you don't know me, but I have totally been stalking your blog. : ) I have a little one that is two months younger than Jackson, and I am secretly using you to find out what toddler life will look like 2 months down the road! This post made me completely teary eyed. Some days (most days) I just wish I could freeze time! Mine has turned my life upside down too, and I wouldn't change it for the world : )

MamaCass said...

What a sweet letter Amanda! I love that phrase, "You are my heart". It sais it all. You should not feel bad at all that you just stopped the bottle. Tobey was about the same age and it was the easiest transition because he was ready. I love those pictures above. Jackson is getting so big.

Allison said...

Amanda...what a wonderful mother you are! I love your, "nursing you for a year made me feel six months of bottle is fine" I second that because in nine months I will probablly have the same blog....Jackson, you are so lucky to have such a great mom!

Liz said...

That was the sweetest letter! Your little man is so precious. Thanks for sharing your heart!

Angie said...

Isn't this a fun, fun age? I remember my girls just exploding with personality around 18 months. You can just watch them learn new things every day and conjur up new ideas and plans in their little heads. Love it. I have to say that you give me GREAT encouragement as a "boy mom". I just found out I'm having my first boy, and after mommying two girls, I'm nervous. But you give me hope that boys aren't scary, and are instead the sweetest, most fun little beings alive. Thank you for that!

LeslieW. said...

I love that you do this, it is so sweet! I have swiped your idea and do it for my girls too. I know they will love it one day. My Reeser turns one in just 2 days and Abby will be 3 in 3 weeks. He is a beautiful boy, congrats on the milestone.

Jan said...

Hmmmm....sounds like it might be time to add another baby to the family?

Dreama said...

How sweet...just wait until he turns 18 and leaves. My baby boy left for Gospel for Asia in Carrollton then for India. He was to be a missionary. Treasure every moment you have with him. It goes by quick!!!

willblogforshoes said...

Oh, why do they have to grow up??

I was just looking at some old pictures and was thinking how I missed giving the Wog his bottle. I took him off of it at 12 months, and I miss it more than he does. I wasn't able to nurse him past one week so bottle time was very special to me.

I'm sure I'll continue to delight in the little person he's becoming... but I do mourn a little every time he reaches a new milestone!