If you're a man, you might want to stop here.
I am in the second circle of fashion hades. I passed through the first circle about 6 weeks ago, but the second is not much better. Ugh! Nothing fits me. My maternity clothes, thankfully, are too big and ridiculous. I have one pair of jeans that can work but the seat is all saggy. But my regular clothes look awful. The things I can squeeze into just look wrong. And I made the mistake of entering a dressing room in which I saw myself from the back and realized how horrible my proportions are. Don't look at it - still! Yeah, so I went shopping on Saturday to find some things for this in between stage. I don't even know how many pairs of jeans I put on. They were either too big or too small. Nothing was right. Oh well. So I guess I will keep wearing my same two outfits that I feel presentable in over and over again until I have a breakthrough.
I will leave in an hour to go to my first step aerobics class since August. Since the dressing room incident, I am now a desperate enough to go. Luckily my friend Missy is going to be there. She is 7 months pregnant, so we'll have each other's backs if it gets ugly. She asked me not to leak milk all over the floor so that she doesn't slip. And I will pray that she doesn't have a bladder incident. Otherwise, Pregnant Girl and Postpartum Girl are gonna rock it hard core! And by hard core I mean low impact. We'll see how many layers of bras I end up wearing.
Also? I discovered why I was mysteriously calm the first two weeks with Annnabeth. The other day I burned the crud out of my hand on the plug of my hair dryer. Is that not ridiculous? It hurt really bad, so I got out my Dermoplast spray to see if it would help. Dermoplast is this spray you get at the hospital after giving birth to help you not hurt so much. I'll leave it at that. Anyway, I used it every couple hours for two weeks. I got to where I enjoyed the smell of it. So when I sprayed it on my hand the other day, I relished the fumes. And I felt happy. Almost euphoric. And I realized that for two weeks I had been high on Dermoplast. That would explain why I hit a wall after two weeks.
I'm only half serious of course.
Okay, I need to go find my huge hospital cup to fill with ice water for my class. I'm hoping it will clue everyone in to the fact that I've just had a baby and that is why I am wearing my husband's t-shirt and using a bench without any risers. Please pray for me while I'm at class. It's highly possible that, after so many months, I might pass out or trip on the step and bust it. At least I have some extra padding back there. And if you want to pray for my vanity, that'd probably be good too.